A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:i recently discovered that my wife has been seeing a man that in the past we had two threesomes with.. these threesomes ended or so i thought,when i had to have pelvis surgery due to a car accident..... unfortunetly the surgery affected my ability to perform sexually which was very depressing...the doctor prescribed Viagra but even that didnt help...my wife i found out continued seeing this man on her own for the past year, usually 2-3 times a week, usually when im working nights.. I havent confronted her yet but i know shes going to deny everything,because shes always telling me how much she loves me..with me she has a beautifull house, bmw, expensive clothes and jewelry so i know she feels content as far as material things go..should i confront her or not? Like i said shes only going to deny, and i dont think shes going to give up this other man so easy, because i remember the effect he had on her when we had the threesomes with him...lets say he gives her something that i never could..i dont know what to do..shes 26 years old, and i'm 39...no kids..
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male
reader, kenny  +, writes (27 February 2023):
 I am sorry about what you are going through, this can't be easy.
Unfortunately this is the result of involving a third party within a marriage, looking back at previous DC posts threesomes never end well. You are potentially risking bringing someone else into the mix that is a better lover than you are.
I don't think this has anything to do with your operation, i think she clicked with this guy and would of continued seeing his in secret regardless.
You say you discovered she has been having an affair. Then you say she has been seeing him for the past year 2-3 times a week when your on nights. I assume that as you know when she see's him, and how many times that you have some sort of solid evidence that she is seeing him behind your back.
So on this basis i think your only option is to confront her and just let the chips fall where they may. Then you might want to consider if you really want to continue in this marriage.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2023): The way you describe your wife make me believe that she has always had tje upper hand in your relationship and that when she sans she loves you it's more like she's content with thé life shevyas with you.
How did these threesoms get organised? Whose idea was it? Who chose the guy? You see what I'm getting at.
If I were you I'd think long and hard about what I want from life. Maybe you should leave her and focus on getting better! Let somebody else be her piggy bank.
I don't think yhat her cheating has anything to do with your threesom and the inhury you suffered. That's just who she is.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2023): I meant to say:
"I don't for one minute believe the flimsy anecdotes of people claiming how great their marriages remain, or [how] improved things are in the bedroom; when they practice swinging, and/or have an open-marriage."
"If you keep sampling a variety of goodies, you're bound to find one you like better than the others!"
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2023): I will not rejoice in your suffering, dear sir. I can understand how you must feel betrayed and heart-broken to learn what you found-out about your wife. Your letter serves as advice and warning to some of our readers who contemplate alternative-lifestyles; such as the one you and your wife indulged in. We here at DC, warn our readers over and over not to gamble with their marriages, or intimate-relationships; by introducing polygamy, or having an open-marriage.
Many planning to experiment with threesomes come here to DC; claiming how strong their marriages are, and how good their sex-lives are. Be that the case, why meddle with it? If it's so strong and good, why do you have to bring others into it???
Posts like yours are helpful examples of what the consequences could possibly be. I don't for one minute believe the flimsy anecdotes of people claiming how great their marriages remain, or have improved things are in the bedroom; when they practice swinging, and/or have an open-marriage. It's only a matter of time. The good results are only temporary. It's tantamount to dating. You're seeing other people; and that raises the likelihood you'll find someone you'll grow feelings for, or may be more sexually-compatible with. In your case, your wife found herself a lover to replace you; while you're sexually incapacitated. One could argue from a more twisted-standpoint; that she is justified. It was okay when there was nothing wrong with you, or your sex-life. Now there is.
In pursuing getting your freak on; you'll make promises and rules of the game; but you can't control the feelings, needs, or actions of another person.
You talk about all the material things you've provided your wife. Why is that even a point of discussion? What she ended-up finding for herself was intimacy. She was given the permission to see people outside of the marriage, and this is what comes of it 99.99% of the time. If you keep sampling a variety of goodies; and you're bound to find one you like the better than the others! You may have a favorite, but exposure to other flavors may change that.
I hope you recover fully from your injury; but a broken-heart leading to a broken-marriage is just as painful as the trauma and injury sustained in a terrible accident.
This warns others to be careful what you wish for, and what you pursue out of greediness. If your relationship is strong, it is because you didn't trifle with it. When you commit to each-other, you will still run into temptation. You'll hit snags, meet emotional challenges in the relationship; and sex might even become boring. Remember that your wedding vows were based on wanting to forsake all others for each-other; and to commit to each-other for life, if possible. It may sound too simplistic and old-fashioned when you compare it to our entitled and uninhibited modern-society; but one thing may still stand true. Don't muck with your marriage based on your lusts and greed. You may getaway with the forbidden-pleasures for awhile without incident. When you make such a choice, prepare for the probable consequences.
Confront your wife, and maybe she won't deny it. What if she offers you a full confession? Just remember this. She's not completely at fault. You both decided your marriage could withstand inviting outsiders. Now you know that wasn't exactly the outcome.
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