A
male
age
41-50,
*am72
writes:i been marry for 18 years with my wife we have 3 kids and she cheated on me with some guy about 3 years ago the in November last year i seen her texting some one she got nervous and hid her cell phone so later that day i found it and was checking her messages i seen that shes been talking to some guy and he refer to her as sweethart/baby/my love and i confronted her and she said it was a friend that they just mess around like that well i end up finding out that she been with this guy and its a co worker and she been with him for like a mouth and the worst part is her sister told me everything that she sleep with him and she been cheating on me for some time well she give me the guys phone number "she went out with him once" i confronted him and he said it was true that he sleep with her like 2 time and then i found out from her sister again that she was with so other guy for like 3 year and the worst thing about that is that my 3 year old son is his my wife confess to me and said she was sorry and she want to stay with me. now i have 2 more kids with her my 2 daughters i know they are mine i had a DNA teat done she is kinda changing but i want to stay for my kids but don't know i cant trust her i feel hate anger i never cheated on her and she know it I'm just lost need help.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2011): For the sake of your kids, get moving out of this situation.
"that I can never have a woman like her that im lucky to be with her because im not all that"
Well, you aren't lucky, you are unlucky, and that is the real deal. Somewhere out there, there is a woman who thinks you are "all that" and more, and you are able to find her if you are not with someone who treats you like this.
Good luck.
A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (11 May 2011):
 She told you that you are lucky to be with her? And what horrid luck has bound you to a untrustworthy woman like her? Don't listen to her, leave her.
I hope that helps.
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A
male
reader, Sam72 +, writes (10 May 2011):
Sam72 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell I did counciling for about a year she never wanted to go said she didnt need it I had more problems with her in the past with some other guy that I beat the crap out of him when this happen this guy show up at my mothers wedding I didnt know him but my brother did and he told me see that guy thats there he's the one thats been trying to be with your wife so so its not the first time but I stay again for my kids its got to the point that my oldest kid said to me that she didnt want her to be with me any more she had it too. My wife tells me that she doesnt love me but care for me she tells me that I can never have a woman like her that im lucky to be with her because im not all that so
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2011): Yeah man all trust is gone and I feel its irreparable for your relationship given the number of times she's been unfaithful. Im sorry to hear this. This is awful. A divorce and recovery are in need here. You deserve a much better woman for yourself and for your kids. Raphael gives great advice, yes, theyll adapt. I did when I was young and you can argue in court (Im no lawyer tho so dont heed) that she is not a fit parent given her immature and disrespectful behavior. This could be detrimental to the kids because her drama promotes a very unstable lifestyle. My opinion, not legal one tho. Best on this man. Im sorry again. Get to the gym and beat the shit out of a boxing bag. Youd be shocked at how well that relieves stress.
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A
female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (10 May 2011):
 I am so sorry that you are going through such pain. I feel that your decision to stay because of your children is more damaging than if you divorce. Your children will adapt and you deserve better
By her having sex with other men is putting your health at risk - go today and have tests done for STD's and HIV. Find yourself a good lawyer.
Its not good for you to spend the rest of your life unhappy, can you not get to a counsellor - this is for you, to help you heal.
Futhermore, since the trust is well and truely broken in your marriage the chances of it ever being repaired is very remote considering her behaviour.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2011): I agree with Cerberus. It's noble that you wanna do the right thing for the kids but I don't know how this is gonna work. I don't know how you can ever possibly trust her again and your (fully justified) anger at her is gonna be extremely hard to deal with.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2011): I'm all for second chances and such... but this woman is pushing things.
Not only did she sleep around on you, lie to you, get her family to lie to you, she made you love and raise a child that is not even yours.
THEN she has the nerve say she's SORRY? As if that makes it okay?
If she is trully repentant, then she will need to cut contact with any person she has slept with, man or woman, and only see this kid's father when he comes and takes her for his visits. Thats it. No contact outside of that.
Second seperate bank accounts. This will ensure she cannot fund anymore trysts with your money.
Third. Marriage counselling. This is an absolute must. You and she need to get to the bottom of why she did it, and what the best route to take here is.
If she refuses even one of these things, leave her and seek out joint custody so she cannot use the children as weapons or bargaining chips.
Flynn 24
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A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael +, writes (10 May 2011):
I don't suppose you can ever trust her again. She's lied to you about pretty much everything that matters. As noble as staying for your children sounds, it will only end badly, especially since in your heart right now, fumes anger and hate. No one can blame you for feeling that way but you cannot keep going with that much pain inside.
If you want peace, you need to divorce her. Your children will adapt, trust me, and you can move on without ever having to worry about being betrayed by her again. You don't deserve a woman like that and there are plenty of other women who will be loyal to a good man like you.
I hope that helps.
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A
female
reader, Dear Mandy  +, writes (10 May 2011):
 Hi
Im sorry you had this happen to you. But if your wife has cheated so many times I feel maybe she always will. I admire you for wanting to stay with her for the childrens sake, but in the long run they will only get more hurt by this, if there are many arguments and would be better if you were apart, and still see your children as much as you can.However if you still love your wife and she seems like she is changing, why not suggest marriage counciling? tell her that you will give her one last chance to put things right,and see how she will react to this. If she is willing then she still loves you too, and is ready to put the past behind her. Maybe work on spicing up your sex life, or make time to go out on a date with her and put the spark back into the relationship. either way she can not go on like this, it is not fair on you or the children. And you deserve more than this.
I hope this has helped
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