A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes: I enjoyed a wonderful loving relationship with my common law wife for 15 years. We always gave each other the impression that we were the only ones for each other. We never married, both figuring if it ain't broken, don't fix it. I gave her a ring the second year, and she knows I would marry her in a minute. A couple years ago, things started to change. She has been going through what she calls a spiritual awakening. She started reading, and poured through a dozen or two books, after not reading a single book the first 15 years. I have always enjoyed reading, and encouraged her, and asked questions and was interested in many of the new things she has read about. She has told me she is trying to attract love. She seems to go out of her way to make eye contact and smile at almost everyone she passes by. She is very attractive, and knows it. She also is aware how men react to a beautiful woman smiling and making eyes at them. One time at the train station, she openly flirted with a guy in a nice car. I'm not a jealous guy, and don't want to be, as jealousy is just a sign of insecurity. She worked in a nightclub the first couple years of our relationship, and I never had any problem with being insecure or jealous. Having said that, the past couple weeks, I overheard a conversation, in which her sister offered to keep an eye out for someone she might like, ie: help her find a fling. I have tried talking to her, and asked her if her feelings had changed for me. She seems to want to start a new chapter in her life. We had planned for years to one day sell the house, buy a little cottage up north, and a boat to sail in the winter someplace down south. Now there is little talk about the future we had planned. She gives me the impression sometimes that we aren't on the same page anymore. I love her and value our relationship more than anything. Although she says she loves me and everything is fine, there are so many little signs that tell me she wants and needs more. I don't want to hold her back from being free, if that's what she wants. The last couple of years she has blown up a few times and seems to have a bit of a hair trigger temper, and I don't really want to see it. I wish there was some way to get things out in the open, but it seems difficult to communicate with her about my feelings, and she either changes the subject or gets upset (angry) quite easily. I know menopause affects some women adversely, but get the feeling there is more to it than that. Her other two sisters and mom are all recently split up, and I'm beginning to wonder if they would like my wife to join them in that department. Do I just go along for the ride and see what happens? or should I start preparing for the fall? Her mom, who is also closest advisor, had a long term affair with another man while playing happy housewife with her dad, and has suggested her daughter live her life the way she wants to, without regard to me or our relationship. Any advice is much appreciated. I thank you for trying to give me another persons take on things. Sometimes it's easier for an outside party to see things clearly than it is when you are right in the middle of it. Thank you!
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female
reader, Starlights  +, writes (2 September 2014):
 I think you deserve much better than to be treated like this. Her actions are not that of a happy woman.
She clearly thinks the relationship with you is lacking somewhere, she has self esteem issues and she is not satisfied with her current life. That is not spiritual.
Hence why she's trying to "attract love" when she cant see the love and patience you hold for her.
I think you should be prepared that she is looking to cheat or form other relationships with men. You deserve much better.
Wishing you the best.
A
female
reader, sugarplum786  +, writes (2 September 2014):
 The writings are on the wall your "wife" is bored and by the encouragement from the mum and sisters she is obviously exploring other options. I suggest you set time and have a talk with her. Start the conversation that you don't want her to get upset or angry but want to just talk. Tell her if you guys cant have this decent conversation then you might as well accept this relationship is over. Also tell her that you want to see her happy even if it means she wants a life without you. You can always remain just friends. You need to set the tone and be firm. Tell her if she cant have this conversation you are walking out and when she is ready she can contact you. This conversation needs to happen and if she refuses then you know where you stand and there is no getting any answers from her.
Don't put this off or you will be left al alone trying to figure what happened.
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