A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend has barely talked to me at all in the past few weeks. His reasons are normally that he was at work or he was at his one friend's house.Granted, I'm happy if he is really getting as many hours as he is claiming to get considering we are expecting a child and getting a place together real soon, however part of me is not certain he is really working or with his friend (who I know is rarely ever home anyways due to working two jobs)I've been cheated on a lot in the past by guys and I just always worry that I'll be cheated on again. I know it's bad to think that way but three years ago I had my heart shattered when I found out my finacee was cheating on me. I had fully trusted him and he had never cheated on anyone in his past (I knew him really well, or so I thought. Was friends with him for a long time before dating him) He cheated on me shortly after taking my virginity too, which made it worst because I had wanted to save myself for the right guy and thought he was it but I was wrong. Ever since that I just had a string of bad relationships until I got with my current boyfriend.Anyways my current boyfriend has several nights over the last few weeks spent the night at his friend's house. This is strange to me because he never stayed at that friend's house overnight before.A part of me is afraid he isn't with that friend, and maybe he's actually out at a girl's place. I know his one ex has messaged him several times trying to get him back. She's also the girl who gave him herpes (she knew she had it and never told him and in turn I ended up getting it because he didn't realize that he had it). She knows that I can't have sex right now because my pregnancy is high risk and she keeps saying she will sleep with him. I don't tell him not to talk to her cuz I don't wanna be controlling but I really wish he wouldn't. Anyways even if he wasn't at his friend's house his friend wouldn't tell me the truth because he doesn't like me. Back before I unadded him on facebook he mocked my bf on one of my stauses saying my bf was stupid for staying with me and getting me pregnant.What do you think is going on? Am I jumping to conclusions so quickly? A lot of girls are interested in my bf and I know I am not very attractive and my pregnancy has been really destroying me mentally and physically (he claims he really loves my baby belly).I'm just worried maybe he is enjoying one last instance of freedom before being tied down to fatherhood. And I know a lot of the girls that like him are "easy".Also one last thing, when he actually reples to me (hours or even days later) his replies are short and he never talks to me for long, if he even replies after i send a reply.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2014): Your herpes-infected emotionally-distant boyfriend only owes you child-support. If you weren't pregnant, you would have no way to hold him back.
Is that the reason you had unprotected-sex?
Hoping to get pregnant in order to have a way to keep him, and it was the only way to trap him?
That may not have been your intention at all. Guess what? That is exactly what he thinks, and he is finding every excuse to getaway from you. He feels trapped and smothered. He is being pressured between both you and his ex.
He is avoiding you, because he isn't the least bit happy about being a father. Don't tell me he is; because if he was, he'd want to be around you and wouldn't spend nights away from you. I suspect he is resentful, and feels you intentionally trapped him. Why would he spend so much time with a friend who doesn't like you? Only because he agrees with his friend's opinion of you.
Seeing the baby once the child is born, may change how he feels about the baby. It will not necessarily improve or magically change his feelings about you. He will do whatever the law requires him to do; as far as providing financial-support. He knows you will take the legal steps to see to that.
I hope every word I've said is totally wrong. You sense in your heart I am right; because that's why you submitted your post. You don't trust him.
Don't you worry. He has to support his child and he's not going to leave you alone with that responsibility. Do yourself a favor and focus all your attention on you and your baby. Get it in your head that you will be a good "single-mother." You will not care if he isn't there for you, but that he WILL fulfill has responsibilities as a father.
He doesn't feel any closer to you because of your baby, and his maintaining contact with his herpes-spreading girlfriend, is because he never intended to remain with you for long-term. Which you always knew deep down in your heart anyway. Maybe you'll insist getting pregnant was purely by accident; but the timing is so coincidental with the fact his ex is texting him regularly, and trying to get him back.
He's not worried about his freedom, he has his freedom. Having his baby doesn't marry him to you. He could disappear any-time, or just pay child-support; and be with whomever he pleases.
His responsibilities are only to the baby, not to you.
You can tie him down to these responsibilities; but you can't force anyone to love you, or want to be with you.
A
female
reader, sugarplum786  +, writes (2 September 2014):
 Sounds like your BF is only mentally available and physically absent from you and the baby. Are you sure you want to bring a baby in this kind of relationship?
Assume your BF is being unfaithful, do you know what your plans are that is for you and the baby?
The only way to find out if your BF is really at his friends place is to go there one evening that he claims he is with a friend unannounced of course. But you need to be prepared for what you find.
You are pregnant and say its a high risk pregnancy, I suggest you also start looking after yourself as this relationship if rather unhealthy and could result in serious stress for the you and the baby. Think hard what you want and how you go about it.
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