A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My wife has trouble with alcoholism. There are a lot of reasons I won't get into here. She can stay away from alcohol, but if she has just one drink she will have 6 or 10 (or more). This doesn't happen often (anymore) because I gave up drinking so that she isn't tempted, but sometimes (like tonight) she'll go buy herself something to drink to "relax." She will have a glass of wine or two while cooking before I get home, but it doesn't stop there of course.Aside from this affecting her health, the reason I am writing is that when she has been drinking she becomes very mean, nasty, and sloppy. Some people get happy or sleepy. I pretty much stay on am even keel, although maybe I lose some inhibitions. My wife get angry and picks fights with me. Tonight she had a drink for the first time in a long time while we watched a sporting event. There was a problem with the cable and we didn't get to watch the end of it. I was annoyed, too, but she really got upset. I told her to take it out on the cable company, not me. She said she wasn't upset at me as she yelled at me. From there it got worse as I tried to calm her by telling her "Just let it go. What do you want to do about it? It sucks" while she went on a rant about suing the cable company and so on. I told her to please call the cable company to yell at them and not take it out on me, because - even though I was upset, too - it was no big deal and I didn't want to hear it.Long story short, I eventually got up to go upstairs (away from her) and she followed me, cursing me out, and slamming doors. That's where I sit now. I would say I am more irritated then upset, but I need some tips on how to deal with her when she gets like this so that we don't have a big fight about nothing. I have tried being calm and pleasant and nodding a lot, but she will keep at me until she gets a rise. If I leave she will follow me. Any other suggestions?
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male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (13 January 2012):
 Dude you are aces man. Way to stay calm thru the storm. If you maintain that, she will see her words and actions have no effect on you and maybe that will help her tone down behavior. No doubt she sounds like she has issues with alcohol. For you to stick around and watch her try to overcome her issues is a massive task for both. I gave up on my ex... I was done maintaining my emotions and being patient with her. She just didnt wanna help herself. If your wife can admit there is an issue with her alcohol use, that is a start to resolution. Talk to her when shes calm and in control of her emotions.. thatll help for a productive convo. If shes hammered, leave her be and if she wants to talk or pick a fight... tell her you cant be around her while she is in that state of mind. Good luck on this pal.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2012): Try recording her when she's drunk, then play it back when she's sober.
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