A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:About two years ago I had a sexual encounter with my wife and her friend. I was drunk and her friend was a very forward person that encouraged me that regretful night. To start off the story my wife and I have had fantasy talks about her with another women. I, in a drunken state consumed with desires for another women took that fantasy into relaity and arranged a threesome with my wifes friend while my wife was in the same house that same night. The three of us were partially though the experience when the friends husband came home. Fortuantly we were not caught. Just as a note no sexualy intercourse was performed that night or any other night. The affair continued between the three of us for several weeks which only involved my wife with the other girl. Just kissing up top and down below. I never was involved other than watching some kissing once.That affair ended rather abruptly one night when my wife became violent with me about the whole thing and turned the experience back on me as cheating with her since I initiated the whole thing.These fights went on for almost a year.Another night we were at a party and I again got insanely drunk and hit on a girl at the party in which my wife was in attendence. I was so drunk that I do not even recall making advances to another women. However, my wife said that I did it and I believe her. SInce that time which was about 6 months ago I quit drinking liquor entirely because that is the drink that makes me loose control.Now it has been about 2 years since all of this has happened and my wife still does not trust me and wants to end our marriage.I love my wife to death and she is still the only women that I have ever had intercourse with in my entire life. Yes, that's right I was a virgin prior to being married and that encounter with her friend was the closest I have ever been to having intercourse with another women. Do you think I should just end the relationship or continue to try and work it out? She just told me today that she wanted to go out and sleep with another man to make me feel her same pain.
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affair, drunk, friend's husband, kissing, threesome, violent Reply to this Question
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female
reader, crystaltips  +, writes (25 April 2007):
My boyfriend and I have often discussed having a threesome, we even went as far as finding people to have one with but I had second thoughts mostly because I don't think I could have dealt with seeing him with someelse. However we still act out fantasy's involving other people. I don't think you have actually done anything wrong as your wife did consent to acting out this fantasy, but she obviously has issues surrounding this now, maybe she feels guilty as she was the one engaged in the fantasy and you were only watching? You definatley need to sit down and talk this through, don't give up trying as you obviously love her very much but do try and stay off the booze as it only causes more problems. Hope this helps
A
female
reader, penta +, writes (23 April 2007):
 So you're saying the booze made you hit on the other women, so you cut out the booze. Good first step! But your wife is still hurting, and you need to get her to talk with you about it. She's got a lot bundled up and it's festering.
Don't give up. Ask her to go to counseling with you. Seriously -- people can say stuff to counselors they wouldn't think of saying to their partners (partially because the counselors ask the right questions) and the two of you need communication more than a lot of people. Your wife also needs to know that you (1) know that what you did was wrong, (2) you regret it, (3) she's not crazy for hurting, and (4) it won't ever happen again (so that she can trust you again).
Dude, counseling. Fast.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2007): Hi, Right i'll get this bit out of the way. My bf who I live with was a 19 year old virgin when we got together. i was the first person he ever slept with. I have had many sexual partners and been engaged in a previous relationship i was 25 when i first got with my bf so i had been there and done that if you know what i mean. He hadnt! i always wondered if he ever was thinking "what would it be like with somebody else?" because you do. I felt extremely worried all the time and i even used to take it out on him sometimes because of my own insecurities. Eventually he did sleep with somebody else and unfortunately it was one of my friends! A baby was even born due to their relationship but he does not want anything to do with this woman or the child. which, seeing as how much he wants a baby, he still wants me prooves that its not the done thing to do. We have made a go of things and are still together, and things could go ok with your wife after NOTHING has happened! The feelings that you are going through are exactly the same as his! The fact that you wanted to know. you are curious! you are bound to be curious of what sex with someone else is like. and your wife knows this. she is shit scared that you will go out and find out what it is like and to think that she almost witnessed you do this makes her realise that you could do it. And also the fact she saw you hitting on another woman. You are only doing these things because you are curious thats all! but just remember hun that curiosity killed the cat and if you truley love your wife, tell her exactly how you feel about her. Reassure her that you will never do anything behind her back and thats all you can do you just have to get her trust back in you by being honest and truthful and devoting yourself to her. The grass is'nt always greener hun I can assure you and sometimes fantasy is best just left what it is, A fantasy! I hope you do the right thing. It is not bad of you to have these feelings. you just havent experienced enough in your life. Tell your wife that and then tell her you would love to act out all your fantasies you have between the two of you that just involve the two of you and have some real fun!! You will be pleasantly surprised im sure. hope this helps hun xxx
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