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male
,
anonymous
writes: How can I get my wife, a woman of 48, with three prior husbands, and five prior lovers, now unable to overcome memories of child molestations, to make love to me.? She says I am responsible because of my backgound in investigative work and because I asked questions bought oby her revealing the child molestation from age 8-16 whem she ran away and married, had thre children divovced husband after 20 years, when became bored and now has ecperienced evey possible kind of sex but not with me. What am I to do, divorce her? We have beeen maried only since November last year and she will not even touch my penis, look at it, or me in bed. Now what, I love her dearly. Old, ager 75, but active in sex life up till now. What can I do?
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female
reader, aunty.lou +, writes (20 March 2006):
 I have thought this question through alot, and I key to this could be, alot of positive effection, that dose need lead to a probing penis in her side when huged, brush here and a hug there a kiss on the check when your not on your way out of the door, make a effort to prove to her she is not a sex symbole and quite loved and adord by you, for every reason but sex first. i have found in the oast after having children, I was not interested in sex much and found that my partner became nothing but always tring it on.
Because he felt unloved, because I would not even cuddle him incase he would want it to go further.
effection is the key at all times, shopping, cooking in the kitchen, watching tv, go out for walks and hold hands.
remind her that before you became the listner and the helper, you are the man that loves her not pitties her.
smile at her and support her with the ups and downs.
positive effection is the key.
good luck friend.
Aunty Lou.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2006): I've never done this before and I've never been married. The only things I do have is is four beautiful children and the faith that I too will be married one day. So my advice isn't pro material. But I love looking forward to one day being able to have that sacred love in bed with the one I'll hold in my heart. I'm a single mom and yet to find that one. I've had 3 friends who have been been victims of child molestation and they too have spoke of how it has made sex be something far from love. But they have all obviously overcome that fear and now love is fun due to there active sex lifes. I don't have answers and maybe you've done all that I encourage. But some of the things I noticed with there husbands was they never stressed it or made it out to be a problem. It obviously can't be ignored and I'm sure she feels terrible about it enough as is. If I were her (this is me though and I'm not her) I would want to know what real lovemaking felt like. I'd have an idea of what it looks like and see what it's about from what I'd see in movies and know that it was something I'd want to experiance one day. I'd want to be the girl that made this man feel lucky to have me in his presence. His very best closest friend. The one who chose me and the one I chose to be around when it came time to having fun good times. The one who always lifted my spirits up when they were down. He'd not have to worry about my past and things I feared and thought to be ugly. But the things that come from my past and are beautiful (children) he would admire ever so much just as I do. It would just happen one day when we would least exspect it. We would probly be laughing or scared or maybe sad and just be looking into eachothers eyes and tada we might be having hot pasionate sex without worrying about or thinking of all the ugh and but this and that stuff. Little cute surprises like her favorite candy or movie tickets or jewelry a little something or a big something for her to stumble upon with a love note from time to time. Back and or foot rubs just because. Taking on a few of her daily do's so she can take a break. Going out and having fun with friends and hanging out with the kids. Watching a movie and snugle without trying to get a feel. Reminding her every so often when shes doing something you love about her how special she is to you. Have a slow dance in the living room when there is music playing. All and everything you do be done without the act or talk that your're bringing on the S-E-X thing again. Nice sweet little kisses and give her some more time and if it need to be it will happen and when it does she'll be ready and whoa what great love it will be and how awesome you will feel knowing she felt just as good. Most important you were the one who let her forgett all about the stuff she hated so much and now she will love loving you. Sounds easy I'm sure but if you love her and she loves you, you two should know when the time is right. GOOD LUCK!
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