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female
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anonymous
writes: I've had this friend for 9yrs now. I met him when I was a junior in a high school. Word then was that he had on crush on me. I never saw him like that, he was just one of my friends. Well time went on and I had been with some real big losers. Fun, nice guys just don't be the one who gets pregnant with their child or they will be gone. So much for fun and nice. I made some real big bad choices. And I got some real cute beautiful little ones. My friend of 9yrs. was there through it all. He's the only friend I cared to keep around and/or maybe the only friend who cared to keep around me. Either way without him I don't even know if I'd still feel like the me that I love was there. I think of him and I smile. We have lots of fun together. And this last summer he started coming around the house and spending most of his time with my kids and I. And somehow just kinda moved right in. Kinda odd, but not. With all the bad choices I had made in the past I felt nervous that I was making the same mistakes again. Not being married and living in the same home? Then we started sleeping in the same bed and well we became lovers. We have talked and made fun of and even spoke of how awesome, weird, fun, exciting, who would have ever thought the whole you and me together thing? I've caught myself day dreaming about being his wife. He's spoke of marrige and says he wants me to be his wife. But there's problems.... He lies to me about the dumbest things that don't matter. And he just doesn't take that extra step or jump to start bringing our lives together. Like he does whatever the kids and I are doing. Could he take us under his wing? Nope, no way. He could but he don't. It's like he's still being a kid. In order for it to work out, I got kids, they need, need, need. And as mom I want to give, give, give. He just doesn't have the means but very well so he could he just don't. Like working or not working; it's just cash in his pocket. No goals, no plans. He lives with his parents when he's not with us. Keep in mind hes completly capable of all that a Wife/mom/friend would want in a man. I'm in love. What do I do?
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female
reader, juliagulia  +, writes (20 March 2006):
 Well, having a great friend who becomes more can be a very good thing. By now, you know all about each other and can accept each others faults. Or can you? It is a little different when you have kids involved. By now, the kids are attached to him, I am sure. If you are in love with this man who has been with you through thick and thin, then keep him around! Every relationship has problems and all you can do is try to compromise. It sounds like he doesn't much want to be "tied down" since he likes to carry cash and stay with family or you instead of getting his own place. It is time for you to have the serious talk with him - that you love him and are in love with him, that you want him in your life, etc. but that you have kids and you have to think about them. Is he ready to take the relationship to the next level? Does he want to provide for a family? Ask him all of the questions you have in your heart and mind and see what he has to say. If he doesn't want that, then I think you should know now so that you and your kids don't end up getting more hurt than you will be now if he bails out on you. As far as the lying goes, you need to confront him and ask him why he is doing that. After so many years, you should be able to trust each other completely, or at least know whether or not you should trust each other. I know this may not have been a lot of help, but I hope you can work things out. It sounds like you have a special relationship.
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