A
female
age
41-50,
*KSM5029
writes:Hello.I've been married to my wife for 8 years now; I'm 39, she's 38.We have an open marriage. No, not that kind of open marriage where it's open to other partners. The only open marriage here is one where both of us are open and honest about things. About the only time it's not open is when I've bought a birthday/anniversary surprise for her, or the other way around.This one, however, is a toughie I don't know how to solve.Last night, my wife told me she'd been researching about OnlyFans and said she was considering doing it solely for money, as a side gig.She said to me "You know when, in showbiz, actors take on roles in crappy films for the paycheck? Well, it's like that for me. And it's not like I'm working a job as a freelancer where OnlyFans will affect my reputation. I'm a freelancer sure, but this is just some side cash for a new car for us, maybe some house renovation stuff."I was a bit shocked, but then again as a guy, OnlyFans isn't something I'd do, or until now, we'd ever considered in our relationship.She then went on and explained further stating "I've got a sort of business plan with this OnlyFans, I target a young female audience, 18-30 who like MILF older women, I'm nearly 40, even though I'm not and have never been attracted to women sexually, I'm attractive enough; I'll just keep the pictures to lingerie and bikinis, I won't interact with the fans, or do anything sexual for them, just pictures. I'm not like one of these people for who OnlyFans is their livelihood. Technically, I shouldn't need to work now, with my income, but I do anyway, and of course, you never know what the future will bring...".The basic business plan was selling access to sexy photos, but nothing too X-rated; just tastefully posed photos with me acting as photographer, and she'd be credited on OnlyFans under a pseudonym; she'd considered changing her name for the OnlyFans to something more foreign-sounding than her current name (she has a generic common surname, you know like, Smith, Jones or Johnson) in order to get people visiting, but she wouldn't actually pay to change her name in real life. A stage name, basically.It's true, my wife is attractive, but also, she's not the sort of woman who gets hit on by guys frequently, when I met her she looked a bit like the woman in this stock photo (stock photo from LinkedIn: https://i.imgur.com/VmpwPJ1.jpg). The woman's not a celebrity, just a stock photo model. (FWIW... my wife's seen that photo and commented how similar she looks to her!)She's certainly not ugly, very beautiful to me, but she's certainly not the sort who looks like a celebrity model or guys would constantly hit on. I was a bit shocked by this, but asked her to explain why she'd considered OnlyFans and targeting women and she said:"It's a profitable audience, lesbians, queer women, women who like women, whatever, OnlyFans is profitable, and for me, it's about the paycheck. This is just a side gig, can be done any time, really."Our marriage has had arguments, but over small, mundane things, not big-picture issues like finance, we're DINK (double income, no kids), live in a large-ish house, here in the Sun Belt region, and the arguments have been silly. Sure, we've had disagreements but they're not over big things; we've largely had similar views/been on the same page about things.This could be the biggest argument so far, but I'm in two minds over whether her arguments are convincing.Is it true that OnlyFans could be a "for the money" sort of thing, or is it largely just for prostitutes/sex workers/influencers?We're not in major financial problems, and fairly comfortable, but my wife also has always been very interested in financial things at a basic level, follows CNBC/CNN financial shows/personal finance forums etc. ; she's just got a "prepare for the future backup plan" mindset.I do, to a smaller degree, but I know I'm certainly not in the state where I'll have to work a service job due to being laid off; like my wife, I'm also a freelancer, who works in 3-4 different states here in the Sunbelt.COVID didn't affect our jobs too much; we both still got paid, even if we couldn't work in-person. Most of the time it was true, we couldn't, but we did business over email.So, my basic question is, is my wife's attitude of "OnlyFans is something I'm only doing as a side hustle,for the paycheck, and you never know what the future will bring" a good one?Am I wrong in just keeping the discussion going?Bear in mind, she HASN'T actually started an OnlyFans yet, or taken any photos; it's only in the business plan stages.I don't want to seem like a disapproving or controlling husband but I do have some slight worries.She does seem to have taken them on board, which is probably why it's moving at a glacial pace for her, but she seems OK with that.I'm having a morality crisis in my mind; I think she'd never be OK with me stripping off and having an OnlyFans, but then again, I'm an average-looking guy (although my wife said she goes more for personality than extremely hunky-looking guys, she liked the fact I was easy to talk to and not pompous/arrogant).What should we do? Who is in the right or wrong here?How often has OnlyFans come up in YOUR relationship as a problem?Here, the biggest conflict is about my wife's desire to do OnlyFans simply for the money and her wanting me to be involved in it, behind-the-scenes.At least I'm not in a situation where she's ACTUALLY DOING IT, not yet.I really need your help. Sorry for the wall of text.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2022): Your wife believes that sexy women 18 - 30 will pay good money to look at photos of older women? She is nuts. They would not pay good money to look at photos of women who are 18 let alone much older. They can get a woman of 18 to sleep with them. When people pay to look at photos they want something special
and they are usually fat and ugly and unwanted, having to make do with fantasies because nobody wants them.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2022): Your wife is living in a dream world. The guys who pay there are paying to look at celebs or women who used to be celebs but still look good, sort of famous, that is why they pay. They can see unknown women naked etc for free online easy.
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A
male
reader, fatgunman +, writes (29 April 2022):
I don't need to read much further than I did. Your "open Marriage" is just talking honestly. If your wife wants to earn extra money there are much better things to do than that. I have to be honest if you folks have that attitude about marriage then it isn't marriage, it's something else. What you do with it is what you will become well practiced at and what will succeed. Start being a marriage and keep it that way. Watch as you start getting better at it. Play "And then what". Think about what you are considering and then take it to the next step and see where it goes then to the next obvious step and then... And then what?
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