A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My wife of 10 years recently met an old friend that adored her. My wife and I recently have been having some problems. I was on her computer and found a "Love card". This basically tells you what card you are by your birthdate and tells how the relationship will go. Problem is my wife has 2. One for me and one for this friend. I also found when I was away she would phone him on his cell phone and e-mail while I was on a trip. The e-mails are always flirtatious from both sides. I am going out of my head right now but not sure what to do.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2007): I went through the same thing and found out that my wife was having an affair with someone in our neighborhood. She would EMAIL him at least 10 times a day while I was at work and talk to him at his work and on his cell for a minimum of 4 hrs a day. I downloaded KEYLOGGER a free software package that runs in steulth mode and captured everything that she typed into the computer. I suggest you load this onto your computer as well so that you have prove - then confront her - if she loves YOU make her stop all contact with him. If she did cheat or was almost there i hat to say this but the pain will be more than you can imagine. After that you will need to do what is BEST for YOU. Good Luck.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2007): Why are you so unsure? She's married to you and she is lacking self-restraint and self control here. You have every right to tell her, that she is deeply damaging the solidarity of the marriage by acting this way with her email friend. Your wife is on the cusp of an emotional affair, dear. Listen you said it yourself, in your posting. You've both been experiencing some problems. I think you are beginning to realize that her choice to 'flirt' with this other man is a huge reflection of issues in your marriage, you both can't ignore. Her emotional infidelity doesn't have to mean the end of this marriage, but it a big wake-up call. First of all tell her to stop contact with him...today. If she's worth it to you and you can get beyond her little indiscretion here, it's possible that both of you can use this 'crisis' to evaluate the marriage and be able to move ahead. It will take a lot of talking, time, loving words and gestures, and hard, hard efforts. But it can be done. Get into marriage counseling with her...I think it will really help you both to gain clarity and on the road to re-committing to each other. Give it a whirl. You have a lot on the line if you don't. Good luck dear and best of luck.
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A
female
reader, secrets-x-sh!  +, writes (13 September 2007):
 Hi there, In my opinion if your going out of your head and its getting you stressed, is too just sit your wife down and talk to her about it, if you never make the move shel keep doing it and youl just make yourself bad.Your wife is in the wrong here not you so dont htink about yuorself or think its your fault. If you dont have the courage to ask her or tell her then i suggest maybe you make more of an effort than you sually do like take her somewhere for a meal and wine and dine her, this could make her stop doing it and hopefully feel guilty but also she can think something is up with you like your cheating, be careful what you do but i feel strongest on my first option, if you cant sit down and tlak to each other and trust each other then what kind of relationship is it? think about it?:]Goodluck
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2007): How do you know they are flirtatious emails? Does your wife know you can access the emails she sends? Because if you can read them and see for yourself that they are flirtatious but haven't acted upon it, you must have the patience of a saint! This really is something which you need to stop as soon as possible if you want to keep your marriage on track, but explaining how you know about her emails etc will be difficult, so best not to mention that. You say that you have been having a few problems lately, so this is the first thing which needs to be addressed. Could you not begin by making some romantic gestures - perhaps book a lovely hotel and give yourselves some space to talk about your problems? Most women love romance, and we also love compliments. Of all my friends you have had affairs (and unfortunately there have been many), the one thing that has driven them is the 'excitment' factor of someone being into them and paying them lots of attention, making them feel sexy again. I'm not in any way saying that her flirtatious behaviour is your fault, but I am saying that you are in a good position because you have the knowledge of what is going on and are able to make changes to stop this before it goes too far. It is unacceptable for her to be phoning and emailing him like this, but if you haven't confronted her after knowing all this information, you are probably the type of man who is quite laid back and reticent. And this in itself can come across as not really caring - you need to be passionate and exciting with her, and make her feel sexy again when she is with you. She is treading a dangerous path and this really needs to be stopped as soon as possible. Best of luck XX
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