A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My wife doesn't know that I saw her messages to her friend from a forum she always on but I saw how she said I dont have ambition anymore. she's always talking down about my family. I also read that she talked to her father and how she was thinking about leaving me because she feels like I don't help out with our 11 month year old son, when I clearly do.
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female
reader, YouWish +, writes (5 May 2013):
 Not so fast.
You've got an 11-month old, right? That in itself is really demanding, and your wife may simply feel overwhelmed, be griping about everything external, and may have just been venting with her friend. There are many times people think about doing something and never do it. Ever have a bad day when you want to haul off and punch your boss, or just verbally shout down your biggest problem client, or pull an Office Space and flip off the entire workplace and quit in grand fashion?
These are things you THINK of doing during stressful times that you don't do when the stress passes. You say that you help with your son, right? Make a point to let her see you do it, and then do the best thing you can for her -- be a listening ear.
Women feel this way when they feel like they're alone. You may be helping out physically, but your emotional connection with her may be shaky. Add any demands you make for sex, and she may look on you and your family as another burden on her shoulders.
What does she have against your family? Does she have merit, or again, is the stress causing her to blow things out of proportion? Which is it? If your family really is mistreating her, have you stood up for her? If she's merely venting, how do you react to what she says?
You may be physically present, but emotionally absent. That makes a difference.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2013): I know that relationships are difficult enough today but when you throw in a baby or young child the dynamics change rapidly. And with all the stresses at work also that just adds to the problems at home to. I have been in a great relationship with a man for three years this June. We both love to have children but other times we don't. And sometimes my boyfriend acts like a child in our interpersonal relationship dynamics. Listen you loved your wife enough to marry her and she loved you enough to have your child. Now come up to the pump and take charge of your son and take him to the zoo and do things with him. Sit your wife down and tell her you are truly sorry for your past behaviour and that you want to become a better husband and father. Now lead by example. Send your wife to the spa for a day and you take your son for the whole day. When she comes home have your son fed and then take care of dinner. Start rebuilding your relationship with your wife to. Call your parents one night and let them look after him and you spend some quality time with your wife. Reconnect and become intimate again. Don't delay start right away...
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A
female
reader, raiders +, writes (5 May 2013):
 She is considering but she hasn't told you, best thing to do is to make it work. You know what she is upset about since she wrote it in this forum. Change what she don't like and hopefully this change will make you save your marriage. Its hard being married but its harder to make it work when its only one person trying to work it out. Meet her half ways and maybe you will change her mind.
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