A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:I am 12 years into my marriage. My wife just told me the other day that she cheated on me (had sex) with at least one other guy after we had started dating and even after becoming engaged to be married. I had no idea about this until now. I am kind of overwhelmed with this. I don't know what, if anything I should do. We have kids and I don't want to break up the marriage. She said it as though there is no problem, like, "I had a sandwich for lunch today honey."I feel totally decieved and like a fool. I suspect that her family knew about this too. I'm not an angel, but I haven't cheated. Part of me wants to get revenge some how, like cheat back, or just do something! It's so weird, finding out about this so many years later, I just don't know what to think.
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cheated on me, engaged, revenge Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2009): Thank you for your answers. I'm still thinking about what if anything to do. I will eventually let her know that I am hurt by the news, but I am keeping a lid on it for now, so not to do something wrong out of anger. Communication is called for here, and pretty soon.
Thanks again.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2009): I have had friends who cheated prior to getting married. But after they married, none of them ever cheated nor did they get tempted to do so. I think some people do that because they are weak when they are younger but being older they are stronger and made the commitment to you 100%. It is in the past and chose you. She was wrong about cheating. I don't understand why she just told you out of the blue...she must have had some guilt or something that brought it up.
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A
male
reader, ArmyMedic  +, writes (11 March 2009):
 So she just told you out of the blue after 12 years of marriage? How very strange, has she told you why she felt the need to tell you this now? What was it that made her think this was a good idea? Was it through guilt? Has she been seeing a psychiatrist recently? I really am interested in this.
I think cheating back will not solve anything, but find out the questions I have asked there and keep us updated.
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A
female
reader, jessica04 +, writes (11 March 2009):
 Any revenge you take on her just punishes your children. You have managed to be the better person in this marriage (as far as I know) so keep it up. Don't stoop.
It's up to you what you want to do. Do you want to stay with her? Have you talked to her about her actions, and whether or not she really hasn't cheated on you since?
If both you and her are willing to get past this, then I suggest marriage counseling. If she is not willing to go with you, then you might have to consider separation. A marriage needs two people working together. It's not an every man for himself game.
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