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male
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*opher0805
writes: My wife of three years just returned from a month long trip overseas. She went overseas with a University group and had a wonderful time. While there, she discovered that she likes to go to clubs as well as drink. Prior to going, she never wanted to go out to the bar and listen to music with me or my friends. When she drank, it was a glass of wine tops. She tells me that when she was overseas, one night, she lost count of how many glasses of wine she had after 4. Now that she is home, she is spending time with her new friends going out to clubs and what not. I don't feel she is as affectionate towards me now as she was then. I expressed my concerns about the changes that I've seen in her and what it might mean to our relationship and she responded I don't know. No I love you, we'll be alright, nothing. It all seems very aloof. I'm not really sure where I should go from here. Any advice would be appreciated.
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female
reader, Smiler +, writes (18 June 2006):
 Hey babe
I think your problem lies at her door really, she has tasted a new life and is enjoying it far to much, your trust is already shattered by the sound of your post, you need to tell her how its affecting both you and your marriage, you could also suggest some marriage councilling where you can both go together and openly discuss and repair the issues in your marriage incase there is a problem that your wife feels she can't talk to you about u know babe, i really feel for you cause its tough to carrythe both of you through this which is obviously what you are trying to do, a counciller s fully trained to help and support you both through this and give you both the guidence i feel your lacking right now :o) you also need to gently reminder her of her commitment to you, take her out maybe spoil her rotten remind her why she feel in love with you jog her memory, just gently remind her what you 2 actually have together, try paying her loads of compliments make her feel good about herself remind how much you think of her, suprise her with small things you know what she likes more than anyone you were both in love with each other once... send her sexy text messages when your apart detailing what you'd like to do to her when you see her again really spice things up between you two inject some passion show her what she loves about you be spontaneous, love can be an adventure if you make it that waybut this involves opening yourselves upto the new opportunities and life direction that a relationship can bring, make what you have between you unprodictable not stale don't get stuck in a rut... when your love began it was probably uncontrollable passion but now i suspect you've both just settled down and accepted traditional relationship roles ie father, husband, mother, wife u know... You need to show her the passion and excitement that only true love can bring :o)
I hope my advice was able to help you out with your situation Babe and good luck with this... if you ever need a friend or a chat or just more advice don't hesitate to email me sweetie, I would love to hear from you again and know how you got on... Remember i'm always here for you anytime ok
You Take Care Babe X
A
female
reader, willywombat  +, writes (18 June 2006):
 I think you feel threatened by the change in her. She is obviously happier. hy don't you go out with her and have fun together? Or has this been discussed and she has intimated she doesn't want you there? More information please.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2006): Your wife has had a taste of a "new' lifestyle that is deeply clashing with her marriage and committment vows to you. I can understand why you are upset. If she continues, the trust between you both will be fully shattered and ....it's pretty shaky right now. She needs to be made aware of what her actions are doing to you and her marriage. Take a deep breath, sit her down and tell her that you love her and that you deeply are concerned about the difficulties in your marriage, due to her changing behaviours. Have the name of a good marriage counselor on hand and tell her that you would like to schedule the both of you together to sit down with one to find out how to get over these problems and have a long lasting loving, honest, trusting, committed relationship, with a future. Sometimes, in a marriage, when one spouse is floundering badly, the other one takes charge, lovingly, and firmly and has to get them back on track. Please remember, to be calm, kind but strong. She is forgetting her committment to you..she needs to be gently reminded. Good luck, dear
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A
male
reader, byteback +, writes (18 June 2006):
 the first thing i would suggesst (if you haven't already) is a night out just the 2 of u, really romance her. this is not a guarentee however. she may for that month realised what she missed from being single, this happens. try talking to her more, activities not involving her friends, without being too "full on". other than that all i can say is good luck, and god speed...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2006): You need to have another sit down with your wife and talk with her. Tell her how her behavior is effecting you and your marriage again. It maybe hard to get through to her.If she continues to say everything is alright, the next time she goes out ask her if you can go with her and her friends, or offer to take her out on a date to a club by yourselves. Her reaction to your offers will tell you a lot.
After I had a personal loss, I started going out with my single friends and having a good time. My exhusband did try to communicate with me but it fell on deaf ears. After a year, I left him. Your wife had a taste of what it is like to be single again and she enjoyed it, just like I did.
*sidenote* There were other issues with my marriage that I will not get into on here, so don't think the clubbing was the only reason I left. It was just the tip of the iceberg.
After all your attempts of trying to get through to her are exhausted, suggest marriage counseling. There maybe an underlying issue going on with your wife that she is not telling you about.
This may not have answered your question but I hope it helps. Good Luck. I hope you can work things out.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2006): This sounds very familiar and i'm sorry to say it turns out she was cheating.
I would ask how old you are? And how many relationships your wife has been in before you? On her holiday she may have met someone she thinks she has more in common with and she is questioning her relationship to you.
I could be wrong and it could be totally innocent. But...
My advice mate is to move very, very quickly because she may not have acted upon this and it is only thoughts.
Firstly, kill her with kindness over the next few weeks. Pay her compliments, take her out to dinner, think about funny and emotional experiences you have shared and randomly remind her of these. I also think you should start inviting yourself on one or two of these nights out and gauge her reactions. Start meeting her for lunch if possible and surprise her at the end of the day by meeting her at the uni gates. Advice from other writers might say you just have to trust her and thats fine. But this won't put your mind at ease and this is what you really want.
Also look out for the following -
Text messages all of the time. Ask if you can look at her phone as your friend is thinking of buying the same one and you want to look at the functions. If she doesn't let you look immediately, she is hiding something on that phone.
Also a code on the phone. Why would your wife put a code on the phone that you wouldn't know?
Kissing you a different way or wanting to try something different?
Changing her style of clothes. Did she get dressed up to go out with you or is she trying to impress someone?
I heard a good quote recently which said that you can define a person by the company they choose to keep. In my case my fiancee became friends with girls who were very sexually liberated and I believe to this day that her character changed because she was in this environment even thought I done my best. So ask yourself what are her uni friends like? If you don't know try to find out.
I'm sorry that I can't give you complete answers. I totally understand your position and I really sympathise mate.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2006): I think you need to sit down and have a serious chat with her. That answer is not exactly in depth. Or what you should do is may be go out with her on her night outs as well. That way it gives you both time to spend together
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