A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My wife and father don't get along. Both of them are stuborn and I can't take it anymore.My father has a lot of issues. There is no love in his marriage, he doesn't have any friends, he feels like people don't acknowledge him for the person he is, and he has way too much pride. Due to this he drinks a lot. When he drinks he speaks his mind. He doesn't care who he hurts.My wife has a no patience with people that do her wrong or to the people she loves. Growing up she had to put up with rivals between her fathers family and her mother. She has been through a lot and has seen what she does not want from life.Recently my father got drunk and told me that he hates my wife and that if I don't leave her I'm not welcome to his funeral. He apologized the next day and said he was drunk and didn't mean it but there is truth to all his drunken statements. My dad apologizes to us whenever he makes stupid comments but it is to the point where my wife won't accept his apologizes anymore. Bottom line is that my wife and father butt heads and because of this she never wants to visit my parents. However, she doesn't tell me that I can't see them or visit them. We don't have kids yet but I'm afraid that when and if we do it will introduce bigger problems. What if she doesn't want our kids visiting my father? I feel like I have to choose between them.
View related questions:
drunk Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2008): Thanks for the replies. I've asked him to stop drinking many times. He actually stopped drinking for 2 years but then re-started around my wedding time. He's unpredictable. When he stops drinking he doesn't talk about his problems, he just harbours them within. It's not healthy. I recommended seeing a therapist but he has too much pride for that.
I think the only way for my wife to accept him back is if he quits drinking, seeks help, and resolves his issues. I think he will get a lot of people back in his life if he does this.
How do I get him to do this?
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (21 October 2008):
If he's been horrible to her and the said sorry but done exactly the same thing again, then she is entitled to not want to put up with him any more.
I think she will be happy to let the kids get to know their grand father but once he starts hurting them and being horrible then she is not going to make them see him if they don't want to.
Talk to her about it and agree how you will handle the kids visits way ahead of time.
You don't have to choose between them, you just have to accept that she is not going to go with you and take abuse from your father. If he cleaned up his act and stopped drinking then it would probably be different.
Good Luck!! xx
...............................
A
female
reader, pepper27 +, writes (21 October 2008):
 Hi Hunny
This is really hard for you, I no what its like hearing nasty comments from the ones you love when drunk..My son has suffered with alcohol related issues for many years due to other underlying problems... These are adults you are dealing with yes adults that have had problems but none the less adults..And these are two people in your life that are supposed to love and care for you, This is all on your shoulders as you just want everyone to get along or at least make some effort to for the sake of the family.
I would try to talk to them by themselves about how this is affecting you and how you feel hunny, You can only do your best in a situation like this to make the other person understand, They dont need to like eachother but some agreement could be made so its not affecting you like this..You are piggy in the middle try and explain all your feelings and hopefully it will help a little...I hope so for your sake hun..TAKE CARE WITH LOVE MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXX
...............................
|
