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male
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anonymous
writes: My wife and I are obsessed with our sexual pasts. I have answered questions that have her very sick with thoughts of me with other woman. I only give her the information because she asks and wants to know details at times. (she says it make her cope better) it releases the thinks that run rampant in her mind that she conjures up. she has a hard time with the fact that so many woman, (between 15 and 20)..as she puts it has had a part of me and now there is nothing left for us to enjoy together, she is also sick with the fact I had unprotected sex. she also has these fears of bumping into somebody I did it with and won't want to come face to face with such a person. I feel we have many things that are special even though it is the same acts. I tell her she brings the best out of me and no woman has done this. she says she can see the images in her head vividly and it makes her sick. we were both married, have children. she has had 3 partners before me. one 18 year marriage, a 2 month sexual relationship with a man that took advantage of her at her worst time off of her divorce that she ended as soon as she relised he was using her and a 3 year relationship with a man she though she was going to marry. now with me she tells me I am her soul mate and is now so glad her life ends up this way. she dosnt understand why she could handle this issue when she was in other relationships but cant get a grip with me. she thinks that maybe its because she loves me like no other in her life. she wants help but she thinks that therapists that you get through insurance are not good because they get paid so little as compaired to the ones that comand higher hourly rates. she and I are afraid this will hurt our awesome relationship. I try to help her with how I deal with these issues like when I think of her with other men. I tell her to replace the bad thoughts or images with ones we have together. tell yourself, god give me strength, no..leave me alone, this is what I do when these things happen to me. what I wish is that many people give me input and tell me how they deal with such issues. I got to believe this is a common problem for people. thanks and please give us many responses.
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divorce, sexual past, soulmate, unprotected sex Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2006): i'm suffering with the same problem with my girlfriend. There is a thread here called "why can't I get over my girlfriends sexual past" that I think you might find interesting, although the perspective is heavily geared towards men having problems with womens' pasts, I still think it would be worth checking out for you.
Also, it is a very very common problem amongst guys usually though.
A
female
reader, Virginiaac +, writes (3 February 2006):
First off, convince your wife that you are no Lothario nor Adonis. Unless you are Brad Pitt or George Clooney you really are just a very ordinary chap who had a few flings. I can only think there is something in your behaviour that is making her so insecure. It is not a common problem, but it is not unique.
Stop talking to her of people you have known before, it doesn't make you a good lover, just someone who was looking for the right person. You have found her and now she is the only one you remember. I have to say there is something about your query which says to me you are hugging yourself with some kind of self-congratulatory preening of having more sexual encounters than your wife. Just remember it really is quality not quantity that counts.
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A
female
reader, Virginiaac +, writes (3 February 2006):
First off, convince your wife that you are no Lothario nor Adonis. Unless you are Brad Pitt or George Clooney you really are just a very ordinary chap who had a few flings. I can only think there is something in your behaviour that is making her so insecure. It is not a common problem, but it is not unique.
Stop talking to her of people you have known before, it doesn't make you a good lover, just someone who was looking for the right person. You have found her and now she is the only one you remember. I have to say there is something about your query which says to me you are hugging yourself with some kind of self-congratulatory preening of having more sexual encounters than your wife. Just remember it really is quality not quantity that counts.
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