A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:hi - my wife. 60, of many years has been suffering from anxiety and agoraphobia. all she does all day iswatch mindless television and doent seem to want to help herself! She began to avoid being in bed and awake at the same time, eventually moving into her own room. We have not had sex for ten years, I cook all the food and take the food into her!- we have separate living areas - We have nothing in common any more, we never talk except when she gives me jobs to do.No one comes to the house any more, she says she cant take seeing the grandkids. I feel totally trapped and depressed. I carry on out of duty and hope and a great deal of pity but I am wondering how much more I can take! Getting a break is very hard.I feel I am just a servant, yet I feel she depends on me for everything! I now have a girl friend, also married to someone she doesnt love and not very well either, We are great together and very happy with each other - we make each opther happy and laugh! this has been going on for a number of years with secrecy and discretion.Both of us feel we are trapped by out situation and our families, We would love to live together but dont have the cash to buy a house - also my friend has a child with disabilities.Both of us would also feel terribly guilty and in fear of losing our families if we made the break.The point is who do we put first - the spouses who need us and we dont love or ourselves! It is a no win situation and worse- time is running out! Thanks for listening .
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (10 July 2007):
 Sorry but you didn't solve your problem by getting a girlfriend, just complicated things. Why would you feel guilty because your wife decided to give up on herself and expects you to be at her beck and call? You shouldn't have agreed to be in this position at the get go. You alone allowed yourself to be trapped. Tell your wife why you need a separation and find an apartment somewhere. Tell your MARRIED girlfriend to do the same. Get a divorce and if your girlfriend won't do the same then find a nice single woman you can live the rest of your life with. Be a good example for the grandkids.
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