A
male
age
30-35,
*h_no
writes:My gf and I have been together for 3 years, she is 18 and I am 20. A few weeks ago we made a sex tape with my web cam and downloaded it to my computer. I thougth I put it in a folder that was private and needed a password to open. Monday we left to come on vaction with my family to a attend a family wedding this upcoming weekend. We are all stayimg at my grandparents house. I have a bunch of movies (a lot of home made movies) downloaded on my computer and my dad, my aunt and her husband sat down to watch some of the home movies that we had taken since they don't get to see our family a lot and they came across our sex tape. My dad walked into the room that we were in and threw my lap top on the bed and when my gf seen the video she burst into tears, my dad started yelling at us, and at one point he asked her "what kind of whore makes a sex tape" at that point I got upset and we got into a fight. This all happened around 8 o'clock last night. My gf refuses to come out of the room and all she has done is cried saying that my family all hates her and that they think she is a whore. Even though my dad did call her that I know he didn't mean it, he likes her. I think it just came out in a moment of anger. What do I do now? We are stuck here until monday and we can't hide in our room for the rest of the trip. How do I make it up to my gf for her being so upset.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2010): 1. Apologize to your girlfriend for not securing the video. You compromised her privacy (and yours) when you didn't lock the folder, put the sex tape in the vicinity of home videos AND bought the damned unsecured computer with you on a family trip. If she's smart, she won't make another video with you.
2. Your father was embarrassed that he sat down with his sister and her husband to watch "family" videos and came across this. He doesn't think your girlfriend is a whore, but clearly the tape shocked the hell out of him. Had he not been with family, it wouldn't have been an issue.
3. Speak to your father and apologize for putting him in a bad spot because of your carelessness and ask him to apologize to your girlfriend for calling her a whore.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2010): Being that you're both adults, it really doesn't matter what you two do. It's understandable that your father was angry. And as you've said, he was probably just shocked and called her a "whore" without really thinking.
However, I will never understand why people make sex tapes. It is a bit on the...indecent side because it's like private porn, BUT that is just my opinion.
Your father will get over it, but what matters is that your girlfriend gets over it too.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (9 April 2010):
 Pretend and act as if nothing happens.Put on a straight face. It will be quickly forgotten.
Ask your g/f what she wants to do about that tape.You will have to pacify and console her upset.It will be awkward but it will soon blow over.
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A
male
reader, C. Grant +, writes (9 April 2010):
 I meant to add this in my earlier response -- perhaps it might have some value as you discuss things with your father.
I was 20 or 21, living at home, and my g/f and I were making out in the basement (which was understood to be my 'space'). My mother came into the room; my g/f had just enough warning to get her naked self behind some furniture, but it was quite obvious to my mother what she'd interrupted.
After my g/f left, my mother made the point of saying to me, "please let her know that I in no way think *any* less of her."
That very classy comment is an example your father might wish to emulate. I later married the g/f, and she and my mother had a fine relationship.
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A
male
reader, oh_no +, writes (9 April 2010):
oh_no is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you both. Yes we know that it wasn't the smartest thing to do. BUT we did it out of love. We know that we both love each other and we just wanted to try it out and being so comfortable and safe with each other we knew we could. I know she isn't a whore, and I know deep down my father didn't mean it. He likes her, my whole family does. I think he was just shocked and upset that he found it along with others.Personally I don't care what they think I know I made a tape with the person I love but it kills me to see her so upset. I just hope she can feel secure enough herself to forget everything.
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A
male
reader, Theoir  +, writes (9 April 2010):
It's not your parents' business. Seriously, such an intrusion into your personal lives is way out of line and you shouldn't feel embarrassed. Be proud to be open-minded enough to enjoy your sexuality. Obviously, your girlfriend is not a whore. I understand that she is upset, and it's very unpleasant a situation to deal with, but you two have to understand that your privacy was violated and it's not your fault. I disagree with the person below that it's debatable how "smart" a thing to do it was. It's not to be questioned, as it is, in fact, but your very own business. Of course, your family wasn't looking for such a tape - they accidentally stumbled upon it. But their reaction to it was intolerably thoughtless.
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A
male
reader, C. Grant +, writes (8 April 2010):
All you can do is take responsibility for your actions. You're both consenting adults. You haven't done anything illegal (although how smart it was is another question altogether). If they've given you a room to share it's a pretty safe bet they knew you were sexually active anyway.
Try to deflect the situation with humour if you can -- after all, you probably have the most interesting sex life of anyone there.
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