A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:What is the best way for a plus sized woman to be on top during sex without hurting her man? When I say plus size I'm referring to 200+. I'm 5'9 and my weight is 216. My breasts are rather huge, bigger than a 44D and I have some stomach fat and love handles. Imagine a big mid-section and then smaller from the waist down. My head is fine, my waist down to my feet are fine. It's just my huge ass mid-section after having kids. My body shape right now SUCKS, so it's having an impact on my sex life. My bf is 6'4 and about 200, so he's much skinnier than I am. He always wants to keep the lights on so he has NO problems looking at me, but it's how grossly huge I feel when I'm up there that makes it a no go.He wants me to put my hands on his chest and try it that way but every time I get on top of him I feel like my weight suddenly doubles and that I'm going to crush him. How can I put my hands on his chest, being so big, without putting weight on HIM? His chest would be supporting my hands, which would be supporting MY weight. He should be able to lie there and relax, not feel so much pressure on his chest like I'm going to shove him through the mattress. =/Because of my size I never get on top anymore. Once I'm up there I can't find a way to move enough to keep him hard because I feel so damn huge. As soon as I climb on top, I freak out and feel like such a lard ass and can't do it. I've tried rocking back and forth but my body is so oddly shaped, it's like the movement isn't working the way it's supposed to. When I sit up straight in order to go up and down, my thick legs are squashed into his thighs so closely that there isn't enough space to move up and down. Think of a video you've watched where the girl climbs on top, places her knees by his side and without doing anything there's space between the both of them which makes it so she can go up and down. When I get in that position there's NO space. It looks, and feels, as if I'm sitting ON him instead of straddling him, so this leaves no bouncing/up and down room. He told me once to use my knees more but my body, yet again, is so not compatible with being on top. When I use my knees to go up and down, my body only raises up like an inch, if that. I can't go up enough to stimulate him. Please help. I'm frustrated. :)
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2015):
Why do you want to be on top? If he's not begging for it and you are uncomfortable then why do it?
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (2 March 2015):
 Honestly, get yourself a NICE corset that makes YOU feel sexy. That way you can (in effect) hide the things you don't want to show (let's say stomach) and accentuate the ones that you do.(let's say breasts). YOU being so self conscious will ruin the sex FOR you. That is why I say GOOD lingerie can make YOU feel sexier, but it can also help your posture - like a corset, you can't slouch.
And ROCKING back and forth is more effective than bouncing up and down (and quite frankly it will give you more please than the in/out). Ricking can still be done without putting ALL your weight on him - if there is a bed frame over his head, you can grab that for support and to take off some of the weight.
Reverse cowboy (facing his feet might also work better for you.
You can try and have HIM sit up, not lie down.
OR.. tell him that you on top isn't really working for you, so try other things.
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A
female
reader, xTheAlmightyDuckx  +, writes (1 March 2015):
 I know this must be very hard for you... I have had issues with weight in the past, and when it came to sex the very thought of it would frighten me.
I was so worried about being too heavy.. or just not being able to please them because of how my body looked. I understand that it feels awful and its something which plays on your mind... at one point it got so bad I would dread sex.
Now... firstly its obvious he finds you attractive.. as if he didn't he wouldn't be with you. I doubt you hurt him.. simply because if you did, I doubt he would want you to go on top.
I think a lot of these thoughts have come around due to you feeling very upset about your weight, and for me the way I felt better during sex, was too simply lose weight.
I ended up losing two stone... and even though it was hard and it takes a lot of time and effort to do.. if you put a bit of money away to invest in something such as a tread mill or a cheap exercise bike.. it would set you on right track.
However, I am still overweight, and I still have some extra cushion for the pushing... and I myself have had to find ways to overcome those self esteem problems and be able to confidently have sex.
If you are ontop, you don't necessarily have too bounce.. simply grinding on top can drive a man wild, and I think maybe one of the reasons you find being ontop hard is due to the fact that he can see everything... and of course like most woman when you are ontop if you lean forward everything gets in the way.. including boobs.. as if you have a bigger bust sometimes you simply worry about all the jiggly bits getting in the way.
Another technique to use on top is to crouch... this might be slightly hard for you, but if you give it a go, it would give you more space to bounce if you get my jist, and that also drives a man wild.. you could also try it reversed, this would maybe help you with confidence too, as you aren't facing him and you can lean your weight on his legs/end of the bed.
However with all of that asside CONFIDENCE is the key in making sex successful... men love it.. and even if you don't have it, then pretend you do, because if you pretend for long enough then eventually you will actually end up with confidence. When I have sex.. I try my best to put every worry I have about blemishes and imprefections out of my mind... if I have a thought come in that panics about weight or this or that, I push it away, and simply focus on enjoying myself... you should try it.
At the end of the day however if being on top really bothers you that much, then you don't have to do it :) It isn't a must, and I doubt he will think any less of you if you don't do it.. why don't you try and find a new position to try with him? Look it up on the internet.. and find a position you think that he will enjoy and you will feel confident with.
I think the key for you is too simply try and boost your self esteem.. you can of course do this in various ways, such as attempting to lose weight, or simply focusing on learning to be confident when it comes to how you look. Giving man good sex has next to nothing to do with size.. its all about psychology at the end of it.. and if you can just be completely confident, it makes up for anything that you can't do.
A phrase I always liked to refer too when it comes to things like this is "Sex and Art are very similar. If you overthink either one of them it will end up being disappointing and a waste of time." ;) Good luck. x
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