A
female
age
30-35,
*orenprint316
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together for two years. We also live together.I was having an issue with him looking at porn. I know guys are going to be guys. But....He only can get on the internet on my cellphone, so it kinda hurts my feelings that...he uses my phone (when i'm home), to look at porn. Especially because I have NEVER rejected him for sex. My sex drive is high. I keep asking him "If you're horny....why don't you just tell me? I might want pleasure too!". Along the fact...that looking at other women kinda hurts my self-esteem.After months of me expressing my feelings about him looking at porn (esp. on my phone for me to see!).(We used to have sex EVERY-DAY, now...i'm lucky if he has sex with me 3 times a week.....i dont know...i just don't understand....)Now-he goes on youtube and looks up girls giving lapdances, twerking, and (i can even see where he pressed links on youtube...where it could be nudity). I know its not as bad as porn, but its really making me feel insecure about myself, because I'm not physically like the ideal woman. Top it all off, I'm pregnant with his child, and....my emotions, and my confidence has severly dropped....and hes not helping. Why does he look at porn, when he has me?How can I tell him how I feel about him looking up stuff like that...can really affect how I feel.I once felt like i completely trusted him, now a little part of me doesn't know what to think, because i dont feel good enough. ):
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confidence, horny, insecure, lapdance, porn, sex drive, the internet Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2015): I've heard they would still use it even if you looked like a pornstar. I hate it aswell.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (2 March 2015):
 I have to say first of all, I'm not a fan of porn. I don't watch it myself, but my husband does. That is HIS choice. I'm NOT the "boss" of his sexuality. If he wants to watch two (or more) people go at it so he can quickly rub one out... it's really NONE of my business. AS LONG as he doesn't NEGLECT MY needs/want. AS LONG as he doesn't RATHER wank then have sex.
Him watching porn HAS nothing to do with you. REALLY. He isn't looking at "busty brunette getting a dirty Sanchez" because YOU aren't busty enough, sexy enough, this or that enough. He watches porn to scratch an itch. THIS is how society is today - INSTANT gratification. Not just order Netflix (instant movie of your choice) - but instant porn to scratch your itch.
You need to accept that he watches porn, BUT what you DO NOT have to accept is that he does it on your phone - that is GROSS. I'd honestly either NOT let him use the phone or .. cancel internet on it OR put a lock/block on it.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (2 March 2015):
 Think of his watching porn as a bus driving down the highway.....
Now think of yourself.. as someone that HE is willing to throw under that bus - regardless of injury to you - such that he (the bus) can continue on its course.....
Are you willing to endure that? IF "yes," then resign yourself that he doesn't give a damn about you.... and YOU are allowing him to live and act in that fashion.
IF you have a shred of self-respect left... then tell HIM to make a choice.... EITHER he exhibits some respect (and concern) for you - by ceasing the porn)... OR, you will part ways with him and find a REAL MAN for a partner....
That you are pregnant is of no importance, under the circumstances....
Good luck...
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A
female
reader, WhenCowsAttack +, writes (1 March 2015):
It really doesn't have anything to do with you. Sure, you can "demand" that he not watch it, you can cry and scream and try to guilt trip him all you want. You have a partner who enjoys watching porn and he isn't going to stop.
If you want a partner who doesn't watch porn you are going to have to find a guy that is indifferent and doesn't like it- not this guy.
Attitudes such as yours are very common in younger women. It's really a basic lack of understanding of biology. Are you upset because he might masturbate to it? Because sometimes people want to just take care of their own needs, without the added worry and work of intercourse. Porn can be a good outlet for this, for both men and women.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (1 March 2015):
 You are under no obligation to share your phone with anybody. So, while you decide what you want to do, you can have a temporary fix to the problem by keeping it in your pocket or removing the battery.
The watching of porn by one person in a relationship seems to becoming a much more common problem, search this site for more questions and answers dealing with this issue.
As for how to talk to him about this, use the same words you have used here in your question, let him know how it makes you feel, and see if he is willing to work through this together, as a couple.
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