A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey everyone,Let me get straight to the point,I love my mother a lot,I know she always has my best interest in mind BUT having that said she's very very orthodox and traditional which annoys me.I'm a modern day girl with a different outlook towards life and there's always a clash in our thinking..I'l give a few examples of her orthodox thinking I find riduculous..1)When its our monthly period time for girls,she believes we should pray to god(so she tells me no coming near the prayer room)2)No partying with friends,no staying out late and no boyfriends and not even having sleep overs at a girlfriend's place,no travelling to a different city with friends(now I haven't done anything,I'v been a good daughter obeying everything but now its getting to me because I feel I haven't lived my life.These restrictions are getting to me. I'm not a party person,I don't drink or smoke not because of my mother but because I don't want to do it,its my choice but I want to stay out late with friends,talk,stay over at their place or even travel with them but I'm not allowed!I want to fall in love but I'm not..because she wants to pick the man I should date and fall in love'..She's not mean to me or anything,I get whatever I want be it clothes,money,gadgets irrespective of the price.But I can't move out,because I'm currently a full time college student,and even if I was working I wldnt leave my mom because I love her..but how can I change her perspective to see things in a more modern way and for her to be more modern!?
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2012): Bare with me one moment here OP and I make a long winded point. Hopefully you'll understand what I'm trying to get at.
'My very loved daughter is modern and less orthodox in her beliefs. How can I encourage my daughter to support a more traditional approach to how she lives?
1)When its our monthly period time for girls,she believes we shouldn't have to pray to god(so I won't allow her near the prayer room)
2)She wants to party with friends, stay out late, have boyfriends, sleep overs at friends travel to different cities with friends, people and things that will lead her astray from God's way. Up until now she has been an exceptional daughter but the modern world does not support our beliefs and I feel she under a lot of pressure to fit in. As much as I love my daughter I remain convinced that her faith in our ways is not as strong as it could be and that when she finally leaves the nest she may succumb to immorality of the modern world if I'm not there to guide her.
I guess my question is, how can I make my daughter see the world the way I do and put all her faith into God and the way she was raised?'
Do you see what I'm getting at OP? You and your mom have the exact same issue. She is doing what she thinks is best for you and you want her to change to suit what you think is best for you. She sounds like a great mom to be honest but you're not going to make her see things your way, just as she has never for the past 22-25 years been able to make you see things her way. The only way it will happen OP is when you have become independent and moved out and experienced the world as a woman and she sees how you actually act when given complete freedom. While you're at home her rules apply so you have to live with that for now, but in the future you can do what you like but you can always expect her to have an opinion/criticism of things you do if they fall in line with her thinking because that's how she expresses her motherly instinct to nurture and protect you.
OP she will always be like this and you will always clash on certain things, I think of most of us do. While you can't help but feel you're missing out understand that you're not because you can have all those things in the near future and I mean you have another 50 years of life ahead of you (touch wood) so what's the hurry?
OP you're lucky to have a mom that cares this deeply for you and cares this much about your well-being. This "issue" will always be present in your relationship with her, so soften your stance and accept the way she is, she may well adapt a lot of her thinking when she sees you can live a life of independence and freedom but also maintain your moral principles and also be able to protect yourself. Seriously when you are 60 and she is 80 (or whatever the age difference is) she will still think she knows best, good mothers never lose that habit. My advice would be to accept it, not let it bother you and while you live at home obey her rules and be patient.
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