A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:i feel so alone and all i have is this pc screen to talk to. i've been separated from my long term partner for 18 months,i wasnt to interested in meeting anyone,but christmas 2006 i met this guy while out one evening with my friend,he kept on at me could he come round to see me and in the end i gave and let him. we had sex on the first night,this went on every friday for a few weeks,i grew attached to him,then he turns round and says he only see's me as sexual.by this time it was to late to give him up,so i carried on with it.then he wanted to come round in the week,but i wouldnt let him at first as i have a son and thought it wouldnt be fair on him,as time went on we did start to see more of one another and there was a relatinship developing.we started to go out abit.and he decorated my bathroom for me.he thought it a good idea to move in which i was all for.only right form the start he would makes hints about it,he lives in lodgings.but then he changed his mind,saying he didnt know what he wants and his head was messed up.he has always been single.one minute he was close to me and the next he wasnt.i got fed up with it a few times and finished it but we still got back together.over the last few weeks he has become distant again.and was just coming round when he felt like it,so i finished it again last tuesday,i was ok all week then i caved in saturday night and txted him,no reply until 3am in the morning,when he'd just come out of a pub.he was talking over me and i couldnt say much.he said i'm a lovely person,a heart of gold,but it wouldnt be fair on me coming round,it would be cruel to me, knowing i want more from him that he can give me.but would always be there if i needed something doing.he said he couldnt let himself go because of the hurt he had from things that had happened to him in the past,and its a shame because if he was different,then he would be with me.he says he is a bad person.he has been single for a long time and he doesnt think he can change.he knows what he is like and he may not be able to be 100% faithful, nothing has happened yet but in time he knows it would.i asked him to lets go back to the friday nights like it used to be.he said give him a couple of days to sort his head out.but i have heard nothing as yet.it has made me ill and i had to go to the doctors and have to go back this week if i dont feel any better.see i love this man like no other,he said he had feelings for me at one time,so i'm hoping for a chance he may change his mind,because he does change it alot.i feel so alone,i have no one.its come to the point i dont want to get out of bed in the mornings,like i'm worhtless and have nothing to look forward too.its taken over my life.theres one thing i want to add he smokes pot
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female
reader, Country Woman +, writes (16 July 2007):
 Sweetheart what are you doing eh!
You are worth so much more than being a doormat for this guy.
You need to get some anti depressants if you are so depressed to even get out of bed in the morning and perhaps suggest to your doctor about seeing a psychiatric nurse or something for some counselling as your self esteem is on the floor, believe me I know and I have been there.
Your son is caught up in the middle of this and it is not fair for him to see mum so dependant on this man.
His head is all over the place and smoking pot is not someone who is in control of everything, I think you are getting a lucky escape.
Don't wait around hoping this guy will change.
He hasn't done so far and he has a least got the morals to stay away from you when you text him at 3am in the morning and also he has told you he cannot guarantee you 100% faithfulness.
If he is out of his head on pot then he is not going to remember things like condoms etc and you could be letting yourself in for a lot more sexually transmitted diseases if he sees you as a easy lay. Sorry to be blunt but I will only give you honesty here.
You need to value yourself again and not offering yourself to him to use you every Friday night, I realise you like it as well but this guy is not a keeper but a user and he has already warned you that he is this kind of guy.
Start to be positive and look for all the positive things in your life like your son and what he needs. He needs his mum to be strong and supportive for him and to face the world as a strong single mum.
I have done it now for some time and there is light at the end of the tunnel.
I was with my ex for almost 20 years and completely dependent on him but you can break the chains and there is freedom to do the things you want to do so start to make plans of what you want out of life and start to make them happen.
Don't waste your time on someone who has said he will be there for you in a practical sense but not in a committment sense.
You are still young enough to turn your life around so start by being positive and telling yourself by looking in the mirror that the world is your oyster and there is a man out there for you who will treat you like a queen but only when you have got your own head straight and you are a strong attractive and vibrant woman again. You can get there honest.
Go and see your doctor first sweetheart and put some make up on and make yourself feel a million dollars as you never know when you want to look your best, the guy at the supermarket over the frozen peas, who knows eh!!
Stay strong though and you will get through this time.
Here anytime OK.
BFN
Country Woman
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2007): your self esteem is fueling this relationship. you need to feel more secure about yourself and then you will realise this arrangement is not for you. he obviously doesn't want the committment but his refusal to go back to the "friday night routine" shows he is at least man enough not to hurt and use you any further. you need to meet someone else and forget about this man. do you want to teach your son that just having sex with a woman when you know she wants a relationship is the way to treat women?
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A
female
reader, Langolia +, writes (16 July 2007):
 I know how you feel. At the moment I've just ended a relationship with the man i was going to marry and its tearing me apart. But you have to think of it like this. Past relationships you have been in before, do you still care about them now? if you could get over one relationship, you can do the same with this one. You sound like a very caring and understanding woman who will always go out of her way to help others, but what about helping yourself? It also sounds like this man has done nothing but mess you around and has made no promise of providing a stable future for you or your son. Another issue would be do you really want to have a man who does drugs in your sons life? They may be hiding in the shadows, but there are a few decent men out there, and you will find one who will be straight with you from the start. The next time you find yourself wanting to text him at 3 in the morning, remember you are stronger than that, and if he really wants to make things work with you, he will have to make the first move, not you.
I wish you luck, and let me know what happens
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A
female
reader, roseglittergirl +, writes (16 July 2007):
Men are not always what you think they are but when theyare what you think tghey are they are perfect.
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