A
female
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anonymous
writes:My boyfriend loves me there is no doubt. We found each other again after years of unhappiness. I had a healthy number sexual partners in my youth and am now happy to settle. He has only had a few partners and makes references this, seeming very regretful about it, to the point that it is making me feel very sad and upset. I think he would have more if he could and that he wishes he could, but that he would not want to risk our relationship. This does not help me as I was very betrayed in the past and knowing that this is in his mind, or thinking it is, makes me feel sick and like giving up on any relationship. I don't believe that men really want to be faithful and that they would all be unfaithful if they could. I find the thought that I may not be enough, even in imagination or wishes (even not played out) makes me angry and unworthy. It makes me feel like not letting anyone close to me ever again.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIt took me ages to get back. Thank you for all your help. I don't think he would cheat, even though he probably wishes he had more partners before me. He has to take Viagra because of a medical problem and this causes me a lot of upset too. Sometimes he needs encouraging through various means and we both end up feeling demoralised. Perhaps he just feels old and past it and is expressing that. We have a lot of passion, a lot of baggage to contend with, but love each other very much. Fingers crossed for better communication, which I am OK at so long as I am not hormonal!
A
female
reader, O Connor  +, writes (16 July 2007):
 he has not said to you that he wants to be unfaithful so why would you think that? he may only be acting like this wen it comes to sexual history because he may feel inferior to you in that area. his ego is probably a bit bruised and he could be worried that he may not measure up to some of your partners anymore. he loves you and that is worth more to him than 10 sexual partners - believe me. sex is better for a man wen he knows the other person and they know him! has he ever given you ANY indication that there was a temptation to cheat on his part?
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A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (16 July 2007):
 That's a heavy burden to carry, assuming men don't want to be faithful. Men might think they'd love to have many partners but I think it would be a short lived fantasy and a hollow feeling.
What a man wants is a woman who is a great wife and enthusiastic in bed. Just love him and make him feel like he's the ONE for you. If he thinks you enjoy sex (from him) and don't just do it out of obligation, he'll be happy.
What men don't want is a woman who uses the tool, called her body, to hook him and then changes after the wedding. Women's roles change more than a man's in married life and parenting. A man's sex drive doesn't dwindle quite as quickly though. When the kids come and life is busy and the woman switches to what is actually more important, the nurturer of children. This can be stressful for a guy because he has nowhere to turn. I understand there is no actual fault as this is all biological but if people want to stay on the right track, understand this problem.
If we choose to understand our problems ahead of time and work on them, they're often minimized. I guess you should talk to him and figure out what the actual problem is. Communication key.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2007): Hi - I am sad to read that your partner wishes they had had more sexual partners. I think it can be a real positive that someone has had fewer partners - particularly if the relationships were, in the main, positive experiences because sexual confidence can be gained in this way. Having many sexual partners runs both health risks and emotional difficulties. I get the feeling your partner may be expressing his problem with commitment generally through what he is saying. There are many benefits in having great sex with one partner over many years - trust, knowledge, love and respect and a deeper connection. If you feel this too I urge you to point out these things to your partner so that at least he knows how you feel. If he is adamant about his feelings on the subject I fear it will lead to him cheating as he is almost 'resenting' the current situation. Are you able to give him a little more space so he can make his own mind up? If he doesn't want to settle down yet he will be doing you a favour by splitting up - before he cheats. You deserve better than to be in a relationship where you are made to feel insecure it will eat you up inside. Either way he needs to respect you and go, or respect you and demonstrate you are what he wants.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2007): it seems like he's trying to manipulate you into granting him permission to cheat- or possibly setting up a justification for cheating. obviously i don't know him and i'm just saying what it looks like. maybe he doesn't have any desire for another sexual partner but worries that he isn't experienced enough to interest you? you need to tell him firmly that it upsets you to think he wants to be with someone else and you will never condone that.
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