A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid,I have been greatly hurt by my two best friends. I have been there for them for the past 5 years, at any time and anywhere-no matter what. I have put them before my family and before my boyfriend. Last week i got an email from them by accident which contained a lot of bitching about me, my boyfriend, my life, my problems etc...proper spiteful things they were making fun of. I am so shocked and hurt, especially as theses were my best and they were both agreeing about all the mean things theyv said!Not once did one defend me. And we are not 14 we are above 20 years old and i think they have been very immature. I have a few issues on trust and i am pretty sure i wont be able to get over this and it hurts that i wont be part of their lives again. Even if i tell myself i can be their friends again i know i will be constantly paranoid that they keep talking about me, even if they say they wont. Im not sure what to do...any advice?I have told them i need space and havent wanted to see them or speak to them.thank you!
View related questions:
best friend, immature Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2007): I say you are smart to realize these two women have been using you and taking advantage of your good nature. I say it's even more wise to cut them out of your life.
They betrayed your trust and now that her life is falling apart she throws a tantrum and demand you be there for her?
I'd tell her to take her vicious, emotionally abusive ass and find someone who will put up with her two -faced crap because it's not you.
Don't give into to her tantrums or she will feel she is entitled to use and abuse you at her whim.
Self serving people make the good people feel like they are going looney.
Stand true.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi everyone, here is an update of my friends. They have tried to contact me in the first few days,one by texting and one by email, but only for a while. After they would contact once or twice in the past ten days, and i find that not to be enough at all, and i am very dissapointed on their efforts. One has just been dumped by her idiot boyfriend and one has her dissertation to hand in, so i know theirs lives go on, but it still hurts. Now the one dumped text me to meet next weekend, and i havnt answered as im thinking (have barely been answering them all two weeks) and then she text again after a day sayin "why r u ignoring me, r u never gona speak to us again, i asked u to meet next weekend" as if she was screaming at me!!She definitely will not get a response in this way, but i was considering speaking to them this weekend and now shes put me off! Do you think i should see them soon? or take my time even though it means they might loose interest and stop contact?Thank you everyone xxxx
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you all so much for your responses they were great and im so sorry some of you had to go through it as well!i woke up this morning thinking maybe i can get over them and be their friend but reading theses answers and thinking i know i wont be able to and as you all say they are definitely not worth it!I will take my time and eventually will have to meet them though and decide what to do...Thank you all so much, will keep u updated!xxx
...............................
A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (18 September 2007):
 Cut them out, and focus on mending your relationships with your family and bf.
-Frank B Kermit
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2007): I so agree with the below posting. No this freindship will never be mended nor the same. Find new friends..there are new, wonderful, amazing people out there that you can trust! Believe this..you have to because this is just a stepping stone in life..to learning about who is good for 'your' life. Oh, I so agree with you, your former friends are immature, petty gals and you know what..I had this happen to me a few years back. And it does hurt to the bone. I am so sorry. *sighs* These girls are not your 'friends', hun. Their empty moments of personal gloating are plain ugly and they have failed to realize the true meaning of what it means to be people of character. To do this nastiness to a honorable, good friend like you does display the least admirable quality of a human being. When this similar situation happened to me, I talked to my two former friends together. I told them that our friendship was over. I told them that I would never be able to trust them again. I also said to them that they can't build their character or life by tearing others down and that I truely felt pity for who they were. I decided they were not the type of friends I needed and mustered up some pride and walked away. Boy did I feel better. But...they did not react, nor apologize but really after what they said and did..how can I have expected it, in light of how 'ugly' they truely were. I did not cry..I did not even say good bye. Said my peace...over and done with. But I will say with honesty, I mourned because it was a huge loss and a big blow. My self-esteem also took a big hit. That's human and we all can relate to your pain.
So dear, you need to do the same. Tell them what they have done to you is wrong. Maybe you will make them think-before they do it to someone else. Who knows. This will be a big, huge change in your daily life to not have these friends, in it. Do whatever it takes to get the sadness and disappointment out of your heart and mind.. Let it out so that you can move on from these destructive feelings and so that you can cease to store negativite vibes that you will continue to carry if you do not just ...let it go. They are not worth it. Carry on as if everything is normal, and it will feel normal. Soon you will forget all about this person, or at least, be able to think of them without bitterness or sadness. Remember that with every ending, there is a new beginning. There is an great life out there...you will meet interesting, new friends. Begin thinking of life as an adventure-get out and enjoy life. Good luck and keep us updated on how you do.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2007): Yes, that is a very hurtful thing for them to have done and I expect you are also very angry at their betrayal.You might want to think about meeting with them to ask what is going on, why they did such a thing and to express that what they did was a shock and hurt you. However, I'd recommend that you do nothing for the time being. Give it some thought and some time for you to recover before confronting them.It does not sound likely that the friendship can be mended.What such a meeting might achieve is for you to get closure.Finally, you don't need to apologize or justify the way you live your life. Nor do they have any right to judge you. For them to behave in such an abominable way only shows they have problems!
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2007): i can assure you that you will get over it but you wont ever forget what they did,that friendship no longer exist,not in your heart anyway that trust that you put in them has gone for good,you shared so much with them,more than you ever shared with your guy and they betrayed you,i lost my best friend a month ago and that was through her calling me horrible names as she was having a bad day,10 years that we`d built up gone in a few words,all you can do now is get on with yours and your guys lives just as i am and i can safely say it still hurts and i still miss her but thats all
...............................
|
