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writes: I am a 37 year old mother and have a 17 year old son and a 15 year old daughter. They seem so wrapped up in their own lives, that right now, I'm not included. I have always ensured they getting the best out of life, and I try to set them on the right path, but I am talked back to and ignored. I am in the way, unless I am a use for them. I am very sad because I don't see them. I have a role as a mother which is not understood and disliked so they say mean things to me to send me away. I think I was a really good mother because I focused on them. They spend more time with family members who focused on themselves than everyone getting on. I was also raised strict and hard and miserably, and I have been sacrificing, supportive, generous and kind. Day after day I do not get one call from my children and I am sent away as a mother because they want to do it their way. So I'm on this thing rediscovering what it is like being a teenager. I have feelings too and I love them a lot and its very hurtful being dumped off. They also talk to me as the authority over me. They just have other things to do. My question is, do you think my kids are nice kids or not. Are they just being kids? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThankyou for your answers. I was a good mum and I didn't receive good when I was parented. I think all the family members are mad. Grandparents who put themselves first and kids who put themselves first. I doubt I'll ever be there for any of them again. I mean none of them ever supported or cared about me. So I wont waste my time or money on any of them anymore. They'll come back and get a shock I guess
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionBut it is them who has discipline me by cutting me off because they want full independence. Because you do this and that they say. When I contact them they stand over me. Our relationship has been this way since the day they were born.
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reader, \m/J.D\m/  +, writes (15 August 2009):
 I care for my two teenage sisters of a very similar age, dont sweat it to much hun, thats teenagers for you! i find when they are trying to talk over you a shock helps, i.e a firm "you will listen while im talking to you" and sticking to boundries also. the bottom line here is they DO care about you and your feelings, but at the moment they are finding their way in their own shoes... its hard to loosen up that leash but they wont stay children forever and there comes a point Where you just have to stand back and let them make some of their own choices, be there for them when things do go wrong. we all kno they will lol.
and make time for 'family' time, i.e arrange one day a week Where its just you and the kids doing something fun, let them take turns picking activities or take them out for meals ect. and take the time to subtly approach them about how you've been feeling, and they will do the same for you in return. bonding is really important with teens. if your meeting them on a mutual level they are going to have more understanding and respect for you as their mother. i hope thats helped. good luck. JD :) x
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2009): Hi there,
well.By the way your saying,they are really very rude and they are being really disrespectful to you.They shouldnt act like that.You are part of their life eventhough they say your not coz you gave birth to them and you have the very right to teach them a lesson.Like me,i have a brother who is always being disrespectful towards my mother.Everytime he talked bck,my mom would eventually slap him.Coz that is the only way she can teach him a pretty good lesson,and that is the hard way.Right now he's doing pretty good,and hes changing.No matter what they say or do,you are their mother,talk to them every chances you get,let them listen to you for a change.Dont be too soft towards them if they're still like that.I wish u a pretty good luck..
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2009): From your description you have just described every teenager on the planet....
if you have time see harry enfield playing a teenager (kevin) here -http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p5J8Q_0myKQ -
skip the first minutes...
teenagers have a lot going on hormones all over the place, massive body changes, and worst of all trying to be adults before they are ready - showing the world they are independent etc. All adults have to prove themselves as worthy to them... on the vid see the difference when the another teenager calls.
Anyway i digress - your question was really have i been a good mum? (ok i changed your question) - hmmm there is no real answer to that - only you can and only in about 40 years. Remember your job is to take them to being an adult. You have done this and from what you have written i think they will be more than fine, much more. Be proud that you have given them independence. They are nice kids - but it will take a little longer for this to surface :)
Star.x.
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