A
female
age
30-35,
*exiegeneva:)
writes:Hey, I'm 13 almost 14 and I have been dating this guy for 6months and I absolutly love him. Please don't judge me cuz of my age. Well, he has been wanting to finger me but I'm scared and that's normal. But, I asked him if he would be mad if I wouldn't let him and he said yea cuz he would already be into it. I told him I would leave him if he got mad cuz of that and he needed to respect my desision. It seems like all he cares about is sex and I told him that and he said he was just a guy. He said he swears it won't hurt and he only wants to do it so we can make our relationship better but I just don't know if I want to or not. I mean I do but then again I don't kno. What should I do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2009): I know exactly what you're going through I'm 13 too and I have a boyfriend who wants to have sex and everything but I just told him straight up that I want to wait until I'm married or even do anything remotely close to sex until I know for sure that he loves me for me. If you give in to his pleas and let him do it, then that just shows that you dont respect yourself. When I told my boyfriend why I want to wait he said he completely understood and he respected my decision. Because I respect myself too much to let that happen to me, and he respects me and my decision. So don't do anything that you're going to regret. And it sounds like he's only with you for sex not because he loves you.Take care.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2009): DONT DO IT
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2009): this guy is a dick. all he wants is to have you and leave you, and sweety thats wat alot of guy out there want. you do seem very responsible for your age and im glad ur sticking to your guns...if it was me i would leave him now hon. u have to find the right guy for you and im sure ur gunnu get a great one eventually....but heartache is a part of that process. sorry to say it but ur boyfreind is thinking with his penis and he is not worth your time and effort. always remember u canot be made to do anythiung you dont wanna do...
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (17 July 2009):
 "He said he swears it won't hurt and he only wants to do it so we can make our relationship better but I just don't know if I want to or not."
A. How does he know if it won't hurt? What does he know about sex and anatomy and how did he learn it? And how do you know he will stop the instant you say "stop"?
B. He only wants to do it to make the relationship better? When you've told him you're not comfortable with this? How is making you uncomfortable and do something you're not 100% sure you're ready for going to make it better?
If I were you, I would get clarification on this. Who is it better for, really?
If you're not 100% sure and ready and know that this is the exact right decision for you right now, you may have some regrets if you proceed. You may find that you are emotionally not prepared and that he's not mature enough to handle things. You may find he's thinking with his other head, if you know what I mean.
Some guys aren't very mature and can't help but talk to their friends and let them know what he's been doing with you. Are you okay with that possibility? Even if he doesn't mean to tell, he might accidentally let something slip that will let everyone know what's happening.
Another litmus test for me is whether you can defend your decision to your mother. If you can stand there, and face your mother and give her the reasons for your actions and explain what the potential consequences are and that you are prepared for those, then you might be ready.
If this is something you know you cannot explain or defend to your mother, then you should wait a while. I don't mean to leave the fathers out, but sometimes you just need to talk to your mom.
Why not ask her, hypothetically of course, what "fingering" involves and what it would feel like. You are old enough to get past the "stork brings the baby" conversations.
Take care. And keep in mind, we don't know you, we don't know your boyfriend. We only know what our experiences have been and have some years to look back on things and reflect on what worked and what was a really bad idea. We're not trying to be mean, or tell you not to have fun. But honey, if you have to ask us, you really and truly aren't ready. Okay?
Take care.
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female
reader, lexiegeneva:) +, writes (17 July 2009):
lexiegeneva:) is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe really is in love with me and he's happy to have me.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2009): If you don't want to do it, then don't. It sounds to me like that all he wants is sex from you which is a sign that you need to leave him alone. Think a about it this way, if he got you pregnant, would he help raise the child? It sounds like he'll leave you in a heartbeet if that situation ever happened. Don't let him pressure you. If he cant respect your decision, you are better off without him.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2009): Every guy has to learn the lesson that if he pushes too hard, he loses the relationship. End of story. Clearly he's trying to go beyond your comfort zone. Shut him down.
At least he's being honest about what he wants -- rather than feeding you lines about how he's so in love with you, he's admitting that he's just a horn dog. That should make it easier for you to tell him to take a hike.
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A
male
reader, quarky  +, writes (15 July 2009):
 I think you're very sensible-you should stick to your guns and only do things you're comfortable with. And yes, he should respect your decision-if he doesn't you can always find someone else who does.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2009): If you don't want it say it's a firm no or it's the end of your relationship! Tell him that your feelings need to be considered as you aren't ready.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2009): Dont let him do it! your not ready and he is just after sex!
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