A
female
age
30-35,
*SpacexDementiax
writes:Ok well... I am 16, and I am in my last year at school. I will be leaving school this summer. Basically my problem is that I think my teacher and I have some kind of weird relationship that neither of us really understand but it's kind of just THERE.Things are getting really intense. Last week I stayed back to do some work and he noticed that I felt a bit low and he started asking me what was wrong... then he said that if I wanted to talk about stuff, no matter if it was intimate he would listen and he wouldn't tell anyone. I felt I was going to cry and so shut my eyes, then when I opened them again, he was leaning really really close to my face, looking directly into my eyes. I put my hand on his face, and then I realised we were actually going to kiss so I got up and ran out.Then the other day, I was sitting talking to him and I mentioned I went out with this boy I know... he got really upset and started asking me if the boy was my boyfriend, and then he wouldn't listen to me saying no, he just kept asking if it was anyone he knew. Then tonight I was in his room and I noticed he had downloaded loads of Muse songs to his pc. He knows that they are my fave band and previously when I had mentioned them he'd said he thought they were alright but he wasn't that mad on them. Now since I wrote an essay about how much I love them, he has millions of their songs on his pc.There are loads of small incidents I have with him... eye contact with him is constant across the class, and he makes jokes for my benefit because he always looks at me after he's made them and we both laugh. He also always asks me what I've been up to and where I'm going at the weekend... it's like he constantly wants to know where I am.I don't know what to do, he is around 15-20 years older than me and married, but I feel like we are starting to have a really close relationship. Does anyone have any advice (please don't patronise me,I know all the risks that there are and I know how selfish I am), or is anyone in the same position?xxx
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2007): 16 is a way too young,you are still not considered an adult yet,if you were in your 20s it would be different, there would be no problem. There's nothing wrong with both of you having feelings for each other, you may appear more mature to him than he realises, if you dress more mature. its normal, attractive male meets attractive female, its chemistry. in terms of adulthood, 16 is just like being born - yo're infantile. this guy seems like a really good guy, sweet, kind, has feelings for people, he sounds amazing. if you were older it would be different, but honey you are only 16, you are a baby in adult terms, ok?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2007): He is a grown responsible strong man, and you should not worry about hurting him, he should be able to deal with his hurt in a sensible manner and move on, it is yourself that you are really hurting.He seems like a kind man to help you out and take care of you, but you need to free yourself of this obligation to him, ok!
Secondly, it is not a silly crush ok, all feelings are important and are true feelings,not fallacies. The thing is, you will always love him, and carry him around in your heart, because the strong bond you both developed and the good times and memories you both shared. By all means don't discard that.
You are trying to reward him for his kind acts, by engaging in sexual acts because you know men like that but don't do this [you are putting him in the lover zone]. Step back, tell him how grateful you are for what he has done as your teacher [put him back in the friends zone]. He will be happy then you're still friends and haven't hurt him
Say you're his wife, how hurt would you be if she knew this, she is probably so proud of him, and has shared memories too. But this should not diminish your relationship/memories with him which is entirely separate. You're so sweet, and you appear to have great potential for finding someone amazing as you seem so kind, and you will build more loving/bonding memories with a new man in the future, and you will also have those feelings of friendship in your heart for your teacher.
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A
female
reader, xSpacexDementiax +, writes (11 February 2007):
xSpacexDementiax is verified as being by the original poster of the question Lol, I'm not 13-15, I'm 16 I dunno why it's coming up as that. Not that it makes much difference anyway.
I know that what you are all saying is right. But it hurts so much to think about him like that. I know you probably all think I'm just some stupid kid with a crush, but I know that I really really do care for him, he means a lot to me and he has helped me get through some rough times in my life. My judgement gets clouded by feelings for him alot... and I wish to God I could just forget about him and move on... but I can't, and I'm scared, I don't think I could report him if he did anything, and I feel stupid for saying that because it's ridiculous.
Thankyou for all your help anyway, I really do appreciate it. I will probably be seeing him tomorrow and I will try to keep away from him, because apart from anything else it is probably not fair on him that I keep going to him.
xxxxx
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2007): Listen girl, rhythmandblues is totally right, he is fully aware of what is going through your head, and he is playing along with it, and meeting your needs, to get sex. remember this guy has been through college, and basically life, and can play the game well, he's too advanced for you, and he shouldn't take advantage of you when your in a vulnerable position. Being vulnerable includes having feelings for him, being attracted to him, and caring for hurting his feelings, and he knows he can take advantage of these feelings, to win you over. At 13-15, you're so young and have so much to learn and realise about people and life. You've a kind heart it seems, don;t let him take advantage of that, you need to protect your kindness, your consideration etc. You're going to go through different stages of the development of your mind, your brain will take leaps of advancement (and in each stage you'll be developing constantly), ages: 12-15, 16-19, 20-23, 24-27, 28-31, 32-35,36-39 big differences, now think about how old he is, and how old you are, he has complete control of the situation, even if he makes you think you have. BE CAREFUL!!! Warning!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2007): There is nothing confusing about this. You are a young girl looking for approval from an older adult male, you are excited and feeling like you are on he brink of womanhood.
This older, more experienced man is fully aware of this and he is playing you for all it is worth banking on your innocence to reach his ultimate goal of bedding you some day. He has no concern for the consequences at this point, and you are too inexperienced to even fathom what those consequences will be. That is why there are laws and rules to protect innocents like you from predators like him.
Please do not be taken in by his advances. It is possible I suppose that you are mistaking his kindness for something more, but my guess is you would not be so confused if he was not inappropriately crossing some boundaries here. This is not acceptable....he should be reported to your shool and investigated.
It is not OK, as you are in school and he is married and in a position of authority over you, as well as much more experienced at life than you are. If he had your best interests at heart, he would be careful of your heart.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2007): The fact that he is married should send alarm bells ringing. Any married man should be viewed as unavailable.
The girl who says she is going out with her ex-teacher, I am surprised to hear that. Does the school know you are an item? If not, then you may find they would investigate him to find out if something was going on while you were at the school.
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A
female
reader, xSpacexDementiax +, writes (10 February 2007):
xSpacexDementiax is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey everyone thx for the advice.... I really don't know how I feel!!! I have always had very strong feelings for him, it will be hard to just turn them off just like that.I accept what you're saying about him being a pedo, and I know that that is a possibility, but I dunno... he just doesn't SEEM like that.TygersDream, I mean I think it is becoming romantic. We have been good friends for a few months now,but I definitely think things are becoming more than just that. I'm not scared of him, I'm just a bit worried because I always thought he was just a fantasy but now he's becoming more real.Things are just confusing that's all.
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A
female
reader, TygersDream  +, writes (10 February 2007):
 what kind of close relationship are you talking about? i would love to say yes there's nothing wrong w/ ur relationship if u were both going to be chums, but if u feel like there's a possibility for romance then u have to remember that he's married.
since u are in ur last year of school are you really prepared to sacrifice ur educational integrity for something that might happen? time flies fast, if u r intending to go away to uni then u have to start studying now. i'd say the same thing even if the guy you liked was ur age. u have to remember ur priorities.
if u don't want to make such a big drama abt him, then withdraw urself slowly by not staying around after school. don't go to him for ur problems. and don't be alone with him after class. stage it so that ur friend wants to study with u after school at her house or something like that.
ultimately though, if he does become forceful abt your disappearances, i would report him to the principal.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2007): Seriously, stay away from him, he is married first of all, and you are either a fantasy girl and you are really a child in my opinion, or you are mistaking his interest for romantic interest....maybe he is just being nice to you, not sure here about the kiss thing, maybe he was just concerned because you were crying.
This can't go anywhere good, you will be left and hurt in the worst way, gather some self confidence and keep your distance from him and stop giving him any extra attention, he will get the message.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2007): Im 17 my bf is 34 and he is my EX teacher...yeh he wasnt married and nothing was going on while i was at school but at the end of the day if u both like each oher then whats the harm!?I dont know how people can call teachers peodophiles based on the fact that they are attracted to someone younger...yeah fair enough if the "child" was under 16 but come on! at 16 ur legal...so to be fair i dont think thats perverted at all because u can consent to it!Good luck with your decision xx
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A
female
reader, Jendorset +, writes (9 February 2007):
You dont sound like you want anything to happen. You wouldnt be abnormal if you did but he would loose his job. Hes married, your a 16 year old student of his. How many other girls has this happend with. DONT beleive him when he says your the only one. A serious teacher wouldnt do this. He knows exactly what hes doing, just stay away from him. Dont stay after class. Like i said, he knows what hes doing, its not just accidental and you happen to like each other. No matter what you or he says, hes a pervert. If you dont stay away from him your to find out in the worst way. You seem to think you know all the risks, but have you considerd the fact that this guy could seriously be a pedofile. You dont know all the risks at all, you dont know half so just KEEP THE HELL AWAY FROM HIM. And if he trys anything, report it to the police straight away. Imagine all the other little girls hes being trying to molest.
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