A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I met this girl in the summer, and there was an instant connection. I am a mechanic and she needed her car to be fixed, so I offered to help her out just so I'd have an excuse to see her again. Things were going well, and one night she spilled to me her past. She was married but hadn't seen the guy since January 2005; she had an affair (only happened a few times); had a 3 some with that guy; enjoyed partying and stuff. I have always been against cheating and being with someone that is married even though they were no longer together. She ended her 'affair' and filed for divorce and we started dating. At times her past would haunt me, and we would talk about it. It seemed to ease my internal conflict. I saw my future with her and we moved in just less than being together for a month. Around November, I started getting really stressed and angry with what she did and I broke up with her. We got back together and in December we went to counselling. It helped and things were back on track. Then I found out that she grabbed some guys dick just before she met me at a party and that was my breaking point. I ended the relationship then and she moved out that weekend. She has told me she would never cheat on me and she treats me like gold and has never given me a reason to doubt her. What I would like is someone elses point of view on this: She is asking me to give her another chance- should I?
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affair, broke up, divorce, got back together, her past, moved in, moved out Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2007): Man...been there done that. She will be trouble. A wise man once told me, judge someone's future by their past. She will make things good for time being, but when she get's comfortable with you in the future, it's doom. Trust someone who knows....
A
male
reader, Ponungalungb  +, writes (9 February 2007):
 She has never done anything to you but be honest about her past. When she grabbed the guy's dick, she didn't know you from Adam, so why is that an issue with you? If she grabbed a guy's dick while she was with you, then you've got an issue.
If you can't get over her past, then you have to get on with your life, with someone else, or on your own. You can't throw her past up in her face every time you feel insecure. If you do, you'll alienate her and she'll be out the door. Then it will be you asking for another chance.
Forget about her past or forget about a future with her.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, Jendorset  +, writes (9 February 2007):
I dont know how to explain fully what i mean. So that its understandable. But i do know how you feel. I wouldnt be able to be with a guy who had done all that. If i was you, i would probly just want to get out of the relationship to find someone that i felt secure with. I proly wouldnt trust her. But, maybe she does want to settle down with you. But im guessing that your a bit like me...A little jealous, insecure. Because i know that sometimes i just feel insecure about the person im with. If you ever want to message me, feel free to. But dont ever let your girlfriend make you feel bad for the way you feel. She may say that shes never done anything to make you doubt her, but Her past isnt edzactly comforting is it. Although, the past is the past.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2007): I think that you suffer from jealousy and are worried that she'll repeat her history. She has done everything she can to reasure that she won't and you've got to believe her to make this relationship work. Give her another chance but be warned, the jealousy possibly might tear this relationship apart.
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