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female
,
anonymous
writes: my boyfriend doesn't treat me like his girlfriend anymore, he never talks to me, i haven't seen him in over a month, and he doesn't say i love you anymore. so i figured it would be best to break up, because when i try to tell him how i feel and fix the problem, nothing really happens. but we only talk through text messaging because he's oh so busy. well last night i tried, and it broke my heart, so i couldn't do it. i love him and i want things to work, but i'm not sure if he wants to because he won't talk to me. i even said that i feel as though he doesn't want me, and his response was "aww that's not true man..." so i continued to explain, i told him he acts different but that i love him a lot, and he hasn't said anything back. if he doesn't want me, why can't he just say something? i really don't understand what's wrong with him. can someone help?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2006): Much as it hurts, I'm afraid he has already ended the relationship with you. No, I know he hasn't come out and actually said so, but many men find it difficult to be that blunt.
Think about it: he hasn't seen you in a month; communicates with you only by texting; doesn't say "I love you"; you've tried to talk to him to find out what's going on - he obviously has no interest in discussing it.
There is no point in trying any more. Consider it over, and move on. You've tried, and there is really no more you can do, since he has decided to end it. Give yourself a little time to be sad - quite frankly, I wouldn't waste MUCH time fretting - but do get out and about with friends, as KellyO says.
DO take some time to see what you can learn from this unpleasant experience, and also to think about what you want in your next relationship, and also what you DON'T want!
Take care of yourself, and good luck!
A
female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (3 August 2006):
 Try as you might, you can never communicate a big message effectively through text messaging. The medium is too brief, too cramped, too impersonal and too slow. It's a waste of your time. It's like trying to summarise the plot of a movie you love for all time by writing letters in the beach with a stick!
This is something that needs to be *talked* about, even if it's only so that you can say "I'm sorry, Brett. I need more from a relationship that you can give me. Goodbye."
I think KellyO has a good thought about standing back and not contacting him for a while. You _say_ you think you should break up, but you don't act like you really do. What I suspect is that you're unconsciously using the threat of breaking up as a lever to get him moving again, but you don't actually want to walk away.
So recognise what you're doing and why. Most men aren't very good with mind-reading and subtlties. You need to be direct.
Don't text him. Don't call him. You say you think it's about over anyway, and you're obviously unhappy, so consider this a period of experimental apart-ness. See what it's like, and whether you like it better than the alternative.
Eventually he'll call, and ask where you've been and why you haven't been in contact. You need to make a time to talk to him about this problem then. Even if it's just by phone.
Lay it out on the line (calmly -- not confrontationally!). Say you haven't heard from him in weeks, he's not affectionate any more and that you miss being with him. Ask him if his priorities have changed. Tell him that you're so unhappy with the way things have been that you feel you want to break up.
Then listen to his answer. Think about what he's saying, and perhaps, what he's not saying. If his response is nothing stronger than "aw, that's not true, man", then it's plain his love is faded, for whatever reason.
Don't stay locked into an unhappy relationship just because you're afraid of breaking up! Which is worse: one short period of big pain, or ongoing pain that never goes away?
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A
female
reader, kellyO  +, writes (3 August 2006):
 Dear,
I think u should let him go. I know that you would rather hear something else but i have to to entirely sincere with you and i know deep down in your hear you can feel that is the best option. The problem you are facing now is letting go becos i realised from your posting that you must love him alot and want to fix things. But you cant fix something that refuses to be fix.You arent the only one in the relationship so if at all he wants you he should be doing a better job at getting close to you. If he wants the relationship to work he wouldnt stay away from you for over month and not call.
You have to find the strength to move on.Take each day as it comes. Dont call or text him, just leave. If at all he does care for you he will come find you. But dont hold on to this becos from your posting i really do think your boyfrriend wants to move on and is too cowardly to face you.
Go on and have fun with friends. This will help you get your mind off things. I have been in this position before and believe me so have been almost everyone u see.I overcame this and now i have a wonderful guy who loves me. Dating is risk but dont worry you will find the right guy.Dont be discouraged or sad this guy isnt worth it.
Take care and goodluck.
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