A
female
age
41-50,
*pn2RNmom
writes:Is it true that little girls will become more whiney and unruly to get attention, when their mother has a new boyfriend? i was in a new relationship and my sweet 6 year old became a demon when ever he was around What do I do?? I dont want to spank her, but I want her to know that this is not acceptable. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2010): That behaviour is actually quite normal in these circumstances. You do what you do with other behaviour, you reward her good behaviour and you ignore her bad behaviour. You see she wants attention and even negative attention will do. If she knows she won't get that by acting that way then she'll try something else. But as long as she has you giving out to her or trying to calm her down then she has all your attention.
You need to include her in everything for a little while, while he is around, until she gets used to him being around and gets bored and wants to do her own thing.
As petinal said she's getting a bit jealous and wants assert her domination of your time over the perceived threat.
Whenever he comes over, grab your daughter and hold her, or play some games the three of you with her. Include her in conversations, you know talk about how well she's doing in school etc. give them a chance to get know each other. She's part of your package, if you want time alone with this guy then get a baby sitter, if you want to private adult conversations with him then you'll have to wait until she's not around.
I dated a woman with a similar age daughter and she did the exact same thing, her mother was always shouting at her to behave or go off and watch tv because she wanted to have grown up talks with me. You see the daughter was just marking her territory which is only fair, there was a new person getting mommy's affection. I basically had to earn the little girls trust and once she realized that I was a new friend to her too and not some guy trying to steal her mommy she was fine.
The trick I used was that when I entered their place, I'd kiss my girlfriend but then my attention went straight on the daughter and I'd chase her around or tell her to draw me a picture or something. You see once she felt that I was a person that liked her and would give her attention she became more compliant, she would get her fill of attention from both of us and then gladly go off and do other things or watch her shows. You just have to be patient initially but if he's a nice guy, gives her attention and treats her well then she'll warm to him. You might want to be alone with him, but you have to include fully for a while, it's like a new toy, she'll get bored of being around you and go off and do her own thing.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2010): Never spank her, she is only acting this way as she feels insecure, and perhaps in some way threatened, as in losing your affections.
I wonder how new this relationship is, how long you have dated him, whether you have introduced him very, very slowly into your home. She is very young, and I know professionally, I always suggest to parents who are divorced or not with the father/mother of the child, to ensure you date a new partner for some time, months, at least 6-8 before ever bringing the NEW partner home. This way if allows for you to introduce the new partner ' verbally first' but very slowly, so they get used to the idea in the safety of their home before any face to face introductions are made.
A first introduction to a new partner should be on 'Neutral ground' NOT the home, where it can be limited to a couple of hours, without the new partner being in any way physical with you, kissing, arms around etc. But in a place your daughter would feel part of, and HE be the one to be 'vetted' if you like by her. Boyfriends can come and go, and that must be remembered, if you have not dated him long, and you're just bringing him home instead of going out dating, and therefore using your home with her to bring him in as third person, sleeping in your bed, acting like it's his home too. This may well be why she is acting up.
Of course I have no idea how you've introduced this man, so I have just given some tips, which do work well.
No man or woman should be brought into a child's home, until
you KNOW as much as you can, that this is going to be a very long term relationship - children should not see different potential mates coming and going, as this is why sometimes children can grow up a little insecure.
Lover her lots, lots of cuddles, tell her you love her, and whatever happens she will always come first.
Jilly
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A
female
reader, fi_the_tree  +, writes (12 December 2010):
 Maybe your little girl needs to spend some quality time with both you and your new boyfriend. She may not understand that he is there to love and protect both of you, and she needs alot of love and support as she realises that your new boyfriend is not the enemy. But i remember when my mum started dating a man, his little girl would burst into tears everytime he and my mum held hands, but eventually she came to realise that they made each other happy and that her dad didn't love her any less (that was until he cheated on her anyway)
But as another poster said, make sure your little girl knows that you love her so much, and that noone will ever take you away from her. Good luck, she will soon understand :)
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A
female
reader, petina1 +, writes (12 December 2010):
 It's not just little girls, its little boys as well. I wonder how you introduced your little girl to your new boyfriend, did you include her properly, did the boyfriend, be-friend her. She is obviously jealous and thinking that someone is going to take her mummy away from her. There's always behaviour displays that are covering up the feelings your little girl has but can't verbally express or even understand. You must make time for her , just for her to show her just how much you love her and no one is going to push her out of the equation. have a look at what 'Super Nanny' may do about this on Youtube, she comes up with some good strategies. But please don't punish your little girl, she is hurting that's all.
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