A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Okay, So Im interested in knowing what people think of this situtation, if not for myself but maybe for my current boyfriend who is struggling with some issues. As a senior in highschool I took a class with a teacher my older sibling had had. I instantly formed a bond with him because he had loved having my brother as a student before. Over the course of talking a few times just in class about the same thing you would talk to a teacher about (school, college tips, my older brother, etc.) I realized that I was interested in him... and attracted to him. I at first ignored it, thinking number one he was married and number two I was crazy... being a straight A student and heavily involved in school I had no problem having friends and boyfriends and never got into trouble. After coming to find out that he was recently divorced I made the move and emaied him to come visit me while at my part time job. He said he would but only joking... but to my suprise he showed up. We talked for hours and I felt as thought we would both be capable of having a nice frienship. He left, I went back to work and over the next week we talked and texted on the phone... just about life and things we were interested in. I came to find out he was 30 and at the time I was 17. Things slowly prgressed and we met at his house (my idea) and ended up laying in bed and talking... at one point I suggested I wanted more and convinced him to kiss me and we madeout, but didnt have sex. Things got more and more intense and after two weeks we had sex... he was against but I insisted that I was ready and couldnt wait. We went on dating and seeing each other when we could (not at school) doing fun things like movies and small trips, even to register me at the university I chose. Until late in the year (after I turned 18) a friend whom I had trusted to keep us secret got angry with me and told the school officials. (she later refused to cooperate). He was removed from school and they began an investigation which was short lived when I expressed that I would not be cooperating since I was now 18 and felt as though I was not a victim in the situation. Everything blew over and I graduated. Since then we have continued to date and have met each others parents and famiy. We even took a trip to Europe together this past summer. He has helped tremendousy with my parents recent divorce and loves me so much. We talk daily of getting married. Recently however he has become full of anxiety about our relationship and age difference.It has been two and half years. He feels as thought the way we started was wrong and carries around alot of guilt and thinks it may be best that we seperate, even though he is happy with me and I am with him. Is he right? I fee as though I have accepted my faults and asked for forgiveness from God and that our current relationship is happy and perfect. Am I missing something? I understand student/ teacher relationships are wrong and I do not condone them but there is always an exception right? I wish he were as secure and confident as I am so that we could move on...
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2010): I am actually the one who wrote the question and because the incident was reported after I was 18 and I refused to press charges they thought they had no chance in the case and decided to quietly close the books on it. Apparently since I was Legal I had a choice. He however still resigned at the school and would have been fired regardless if he did or not. And, I have talk to two pastors before when this all occured. One said I shouldnt be with him do to how many lies were involved in our relationship and the other (from the same church) said we should get married (!) as to avoid the sin of premarital sex. So... kind of confusing...
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2010): You're actually right in the boat I'm in at the moment.
I'm 17 and in a loving and fine relationship with my 30 year old teacher. That's fine with me despite what anyone thinks.
However, I think that this anxiety he's feeling could be natural. Everything seems to have moved so fast in your lives since you first got together that it hasn't given him any time to think about what he's doing and what you're doing together as a couple. I'm not saying you're doing anything wrong because that's hypocritical.
However, I agree with Honeypie that there's something else there that's bothering him that he's refusing to talk to you about. Be frank with him and simply ask him what the matter is and if there's anything other than his anxiety about your age difference that you should be addressing.
And secondly, the whole investigation 'blew over'? I find that hard to believe. Atm, my boyfriend and I have thoroughly researched the consequences and they seem pretty grave.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (23 March 2010):
 Something doesn't ring true here. The investigation was short lived because you wouldn't cooperate? Everything "blew over"? In what state did this occur?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (23 March 2010):
Normally I don't advice to taking a break from a relationship, but maybe it is not a bad idea in your case. Or maybe consider talking to a neutral third person, like a pastor, priest, rabbi or couples couselor.
I also think there is something else going on, I can't put my finger on it but that is just what I sense.
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A
female
reader, nlieu279 +, writes (23 March 2010):
 I have never been in this situation so I hope you would accept my answer. Seeing how young you are compare to him. I guess he, somehow, is having some guilts. As you said, you both seems in love and very truthful to each other, but the only thing may make him feel unsecure is, like you said, the age difference. Not that because you guys are way too far apart but that he might think you would have had a better and brighter future than being stuck with him.
If you really are not going to regret anything or to blame yourself in the future, I think you need to talk to him straight to find out what is the reason he is fear of. Reassure him. I hope things will go well for both of you :)
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