A
female
age
30-35,
*liceinunderland
writes:Okay so here's the problem.My step mum and dad have been together for about 7 years, they were married 4 years ago when i was 11/12 i didn't really mind, so long as my dad was happy (he and my mum had split up when I was 2 and he hadn't had great partners until he found my step mum) anyway, from what I remember of the early years, I thought she was nice. But Over the past 2/3 years, she has been really irritating. I understand she has health problems and is in pain a lot of the time, but no matter what I do, it isn't right. I know sometimes I can be really half hearted about the jobs I do around the house, but I think I am right in saying that it is one of the qualities of a teenager. Recently my step mum has been very critical of me, and it is adding to the stress that I have with exams and relationship issues with my mum. (I have been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder. It seems even when she watches me do a job, that afterward there is something wrong with what I just did or there is something I did or didn't do, not relating to the job at hand. Anyway, since these problems started I have begun to slowly hate her and it makes me really upset to hate someone so close, I love and have accepted her family as my own, which cannot be said about her as such. But this hate makes me feel like all the arguments and problems would go away If I went away. That way I think my dad and step mum would be so much happier...
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female
reader, Aliceinunderland +, writes (31 March 2010):
Aliceinunderland is verified as being by the original poster of the question My step-mum has an arithmetic problem with her heart, not to mention she worked with mentally ill elderly patients who also caused injuries and strains on her, and to be honest neither she nor my dad are spring chickens in their late 50's...
A
female
reader, Aliceinunderland +, writes (29 March 2010):
Aliceinunderland is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the advice, and I have before tried to talk to my dad about this, but each time I do it creates more tension because he feels he should not be in the middle of our things, he used to stick up for me but now he just takes her side. I feel as though this is a two on one conflict. I dont know if I have what it takes to leave, but if I don't get help or advice soon I may just run.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2010): It is also the quality of a teenager to hate their parents. It is a quality that comes in handy when its time to move out of the nest and live alone. Not all teenagers have trouble with their parents, but most absolutely do. Which is why I remember in high school, everyone I knew couldn't stand their parents and wanted to move out.
Not to brush your troubles under a rug here, I do believe that this is genuine feelings and not just hormones raging, but hormones do add into it. You are going through a lot in your life right now, and your step-mother is not giving you enough space. Perhaps you could try talking to your father about this?
I was on the move at 15 because I couldn't stand my own mother and her boyfriend who lived with us. He even kicked me out of the house one time and I spent many a night at friends or even friends of friends that I didn't really know that well myself, just because I needed a place to stay. The governments child services (not sure what they are called in english) got involved in the end and I was allowed to move out and get monetary help from the government to pay my bills. My relationship with my mother and her boyfriend is brilliant now, 10 years later. Things eased up a lot after I got out. Im not going to say it really is for the best that you leave, but it did help me. Perhaps there is an aunt or a close family friend that you can move in with? I first moved into my mothers aunts before I got my own place.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (28 March 2010):
I think you should try talking to your Dad about how you feel. It can be very hard being the teenager in the middle between step parents and real parents. But please also remember that it can be hard being the step parent. Your Step mum is probably finding it hard. So try talking to your Dad about how you feel, and maybe even just try talking to your step mum about why she's critical. And be grown up about it, don't just have a screaming match. That won't work. Be honest, but be cool
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