A
female
age
30-35,
*liceinunderland
writes:Recently me and my step mother have been arguing, and for two weeks we haven't spoken to each other at all. Last night we had an argument, my dad involved, about a couple of events that happened in school that caused damage to some of my property. I had said to her that I don't want her to take it up with the school, because they won't do anything without evidence. My dad agreed. Then she went on to irrelevantly say that I treat her like a slave. I disagreed, I said that I don't ask for her to do anything for me and she insists on doing it. Then she started shouting at me and I said to her fine, I shall show you what treating you like a slave is like and you'll see the difference. Her reaction was to continue swearing and shouting and to grab me by the hair. My dad instantly got involved and told her it wasn't acceptable and she went off, he followed, and she threatened to leave us without a house or a wife/mum. The thing is the arguments are always over silly things. Like maybe I haven't put a few items of clothing in the right place, or I forgot to open a window after I've had a shower. She seems to have a do it now or not at all attitude. I'm in the midst of the most important year of my school life. Yes, I forget, and maybe I'm lazy, and yes I do sometimes come out with a load of rubbish. But, for my dads sake I want to know how to deal with her. I don't want to have him divorced a fourth time. He says that she's not well and won't tell anyone. She's sixty years old and she just runs herself down and won't relax for a while. Me and my dad are the opposite, we're laid back. Any advice would be nice,Thanks,Aliceinunderland Xxx
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male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (23 March 2011):
It isn't your job to be dealing with her. It's your Dad's job to stop her from treating you this way, and it's her job to approach you. All you need to do is be receptive.
What is not acceptable is her grabbing you by the hair, or shouting and screaming like a lunatic. To be honest, it says a lot that your Dad has been divorced 4 times. I think there is a high probability that for some time now he hasn't been picking suitable women.
You have clearly tried very hard to try and overcome this, you've admitted your mistakes and you have tried hard to sort this out. But she's the one here who is acting up. She's the woman who is supposed to have the maturity to deal with this. Yet she doesn't, and you are the one who is acting with the maturity.
It isn't your job to make your Dad's marriage work for him. It isn't your job to try and patch things up with your stepmother. It is your Dad's job to sort his wife out, and her job to stop acting this way.
All you need to do right now is focus on your school year. Don't allow anyone to stop you from moving forward in your life. And don't waste time on someone who's not receptive. All you need to do is wait, keep your head down and she will either come and stop acting up, or she'll continue down this route.
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