A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My stepdaughter Isabel who is 17 has been texting her mom's boyfriend a lot... I ask her what the heck they talk about - he says that he teases her a lot. They text pretty much every day, sometimes pretty late at night. I asked her if he's ever said anything inappropiate, she said just once, but "I told me mom to smack him" and she laughed it off. I was freaked out and she said she told her mom, but her mom just laughed it off. I just think this is weird. Her mom knows they text and she thinks it's funny. Her mom is picking my stepdaughter up this weekend to meet her boyfriend. I just think it's creepy, but really can't do anything about it. Any thoughts? (She lives with us full time. Sees her mom maybe once a year.)
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male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (12 August 2013):
 Get the father involved. That is not cool.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2013): Some women will peddle their daughters to keep their men, especially if they haven't had much dealing rearing their children .. In the case that you present there are many traits that show her lack of boundaries 1 the fact she knows her bf is texting 2 the fact he has been inappropriate and the biological mother had laughed it off..I would raise it with your husband... You are more a mother than her biological one.. Seeing someone once a year and texting is not a mother-child relationship .. It would be more blurred and be that of friendship.. Her mother will want her love and she has one day to gain it .. I can guarantee you, she will not be imposing rules and boundaries at these visits..Hence you are the discipliner in this triangle, you and her husband are the constant guide and light that she needs..Do not feel frightened to say to your husband or to his ex.. You may not be her biological mother but your basically the only true mother figure she has..Take care. And stand your ground . X
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2013): Better let her dad know what is happening and let him deal with the situation. Especially, if you are concerned about her safety as you rightfully should be.
Sounds like her mother has a creep boyfriend. I wouldn't let my daughter near the guy.
Get a background check done on him too to know what you are dealing with.
He is trying to make the moves on the daughter.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (12 August 2013):
 hmmmm mom not having custody... if it was her choice then maybe it's not such a problem.. but if it's court ordered that dad has full custody it might be that mom is not very good at keeping child safe.
Sadly it's your step daughter so legally you have no say.
IF dad does not know, it's time to make sure he's aware.
then leave it up to him.
but your concerns seem justified... especially since she has NOT EVEN MET THE MAN yet....
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2013): Sounds like her mother's boyfriend is gradually trying to get himself into your step daughter's pants. To prevent this from happening, both your step daughter and her mother need to be taking this more seriously than they are right now. From where you stand there's not a lot you can do without looking like a jealous person or far too overprotective step father. What you can do is express your concerns to your step daughter and request that she stops this private flirting and messaging with this guy, and see how that goes. Failing that, I'm not sure what else to suggest as I have no kids of my own or step kids for that matter, but I imagine it is hard too just ignore this when you feel powerless to do anything.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (12 August 2013):
 Does Isabel's Dad know what is going on?
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