A
male
age
30-35,
*ots Of Problems
writes:Well, i have a huge problem with my step-dad. It may sound ridiculous but i really cant stand him. Hes in the army and thats one of the problems. He works in a different town and is only home on the weekends for the most part. But when he is home i never want to be there. When hes home he acts like hes still working because all he does is boss us around and look for things that i do wrong. I always make plans for the weekends but if he comes home their always ruined because hes so overcontrolling. Im having troule being in the same room or even looking at him. I dont like him as a person and i think i might even need counseling its getting so bad. I get good grades hold a job. I dont know what else he wants. My mom has her own opinions but just always agrees with what he says. I even have to leave my house when hes home. He came home tonight and i left. What should i do? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, lif3sucks +, writes (6 February 2010):
 well my thoughts on this one is to sit down with him and try to calmly talk to him about it...if he starts to yell or say something you dont like to hear just calmly get up and walk away..dont yell back. and like the other person on hear said, when he goes back ask your mom to go out to eat and sit down with her and show her how much you dont like that she chooses him over you, i know she probably dont see him much and wants to be all about him, but she needs to stand up for you and she needs to speak her own mind. and yea its a good idea to maybe ask him to spend father well in your case step father son time together and maybe talk to him during that, but wait until you guys start to have some fun. and dont hold back anything let it all out to him BUT in a calm voice..yelling dont help, it doesnt make him hear any better. well i hope i helped just stay strong and its good that you have a get away place friends are good to have.
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (6 February 2010):
Ok, to understand, I think you need to look at the situation from his point of view.
He's come in and suddenly been asked to be a dad to a teenage boy. Teenage boys are what he looks after all day and he sees his methods at work, and he sees how they turn out smart responsible young men.
He's fathering you the only way he knows how, and because it's not working very well, he's thinking you just need MORE discipline and then it'll all be ok. He doesn't see the grades or the job. He just sees that when he comes home, you storm off and have a go at your mum about him.
The thing is he's just terrified that you're going to go off and mess up your life and it will be his fault.
Next time he comes home, just ask him if he wants to go out for a drink with you, or a ball game or what ever it is men in your part of the world do together.
If you make the effort to spend a bit of time just the two of you and tell him you don't hate him, but you think he doesn't like you and you wish that would change. Talk about how work is going well and what your future plans are then you might find he actually is very proud of you and starts to see things from your angle and loosens up a bit.
Good Luck!! xx
...............................
A
male
reader, Heartbroken in love +, writes (6 February 2010):
Tell him when u want to be a damn soldier u will let him know. Is your real father in the picture? If so talk to him about it. If not you must talk to your mom. When you are of age you can go live somewhere else. People in the military who thnk its their right to order regular civilians around get on my nerves
...............................
A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (6 February 2010):
 Oh dear, I hate these situations. Your step dad is the adult and should be the one looking for ways to resolve this, but he isnt and so its up to you. He probably cant even see that he is part of the problem, and your mother will be trying to keep the peace.
Avoid him if you can, if you are able to stay elsewhere when he comes home good, if you cant be civil, be polite, act in the manner you think your mother would expect or appreciate from you. Dont snarl, dont rebel, dont tell him he has no rights because he isnt your father. If there is somewhere where you go for counselling go for it.
On Monday after he has returned to work se if you can sit down and discuss this with your mother, let her know how you are feeling, tell her how it is making you feel, and that you find it difficult to be in the same room as him.
Good luck
...............................
|
