A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Dear Aunts and Uncles I need some advice please. Not sure where to go from here. I have 2 beautiful step children. They have just got back from a once in a lifetime holiday with their Mum. We didn’t know about this holiday at all as their Mum didn’t tell us. We already have a court order in place to see them. As we have just got a mortgage we can’t afford to do take the children on holiday at a moments notice, so we have planned to take them on holiday in 2020 so we can save. This is with us and their baby sister (who is ours) and the children idolise her. Only problem is is mum is now saying we can’t as we never asked her. She has told the kids that they can’t go and they are devestated. We were going to tell her the moment we told the kids as she would have put the holiday in a negative light and made the kids tell us they didn’t want to go. As far as we are concerned, she has never told us their holiday plans and she hasn’t told us they are moving house as well. My step daughter told us. We just let it lie as we don’t want the drama and cross each bridge when it comes and pick our battles. This is the same when we got married 4 years ago. My stepchildren didn’t come to our wedding because of Mum saying no and booking a last minute holiday. . My stepdaughter missed out on being a bridesmaid.What can we do? Thank you Thank you
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (31 December 2018):
 If she doesn't abide by them either take her to court AGAIN, or have your solicitor/lawyer contact her with a letter saying she HAS to.
Also, I would look into finding a mediator, she is taking the divorce out on the kids for added drama to her life, that isn't good for the kids. And like BB said, this IS your husband's issue to deal with. I know it's frustrating to watch but, his kids and his ex-wife. Doesn't mean you can't support him, but HE needs to actually take action.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2018): To Billy Bathgate
We do have a court order in place - this was done along time ago. However Mum has never abided by this.
Thanks for your advice tho.
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A
male
reader, Billy Bathgate +, writes (29 December 2018):
This is your husband’s issue. If he doesn’t have a formal court sanctioned visitation agreement with the children’s mother he needs to get an attorney and work one out. But he should have done that befyou came into the picture. If he won’t then you need to stay out of it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2018): Thank you for your time to reply to my response.
We adore the children, Nothing has been said by them so we just presume they are used to this type of drama.
Thank you again and Happy New Year.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2018): I don't need to add to the advice that you need to discuss this matter with your attorney. Do not secretly take the children anywhere without notice; because you give her legal right to intercede, and challenge his visitation and custody rights. That's her objective. She's bitter, and using the children as a weapon.
I will add that you be as loving and kind to the children as humanly possible. They will base their feelings and opinions on how they are treated; not on what she says. When what they experience and what she says conflicts; they will know when she is lying to them. Children are innocent, naive, and trusting; but they are not stupid!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (28 December 2018):
Like FA said,
YOUR (that being your husband's) only real option is seeking legal advice. SHE can not deny you guy to take them on vacation UNLESS she can actually document or prove WHY you can't take them.
Sounds like she just like a good drama. However, since she is using the kids, I would involve a lawyer/solicitor.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (28 December 2018):
 This is a legal question and a referral to your legal professional. is the best advice you can get.
Next best advice is to ardently avoid using the children as pawns in the post divorce power struggle.
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