A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My husband and I have 6 kids. Three are his and three are mine. I am at home with the kids the most so I deal with their behaviour issues and just day to day stuff making sure they get their responsibilities (which are very minimal) taken care of. Well Whenever I tell my Step-son something he doesn't want to hear he goes to my husband in private to complain about me telling him what to do. I think he should shut him down and make him respect me as I do to my kids. They tried this in the beginning of the marriage and I explained to them that he is their step Father and they will be respectful and they are because I have instilled this in them from the start. I am just so out of answers. My husband doesn't make his kids respect me if they don't like something I tell them to do then it is I need to have a private talk to discuss the step mom.. please give any advise.. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2010): Thank you for your responses.. They were all very helpful..
A
female
reader, rambini  +, writes (25 May 2010):
 I don't know how old the children are, but either way it is your husband you need to have serious words with. A child will always push boundaries wherever they can, even with two biological parents children will play them off against each other to get the best result!! you need to sit down and explain to your husband, that if he wants you to stay at home and take care of all the children, he has to support you in that, and stand by you, making it very clear to the children that running to their dad will not get them a better or different result. once they learn that your word and their fathers word is the same, they will show you more respect.
you have to demonstrate a united front with your husband and he needs to realise that if you are the primary caregiver, he should endorse your rules or punishments just as your children respect his.
being a step mum is hard work, but you should stay strong, and i admire you for taking on 3 children and trying to give them a responsible and disciplined start in life.
Also you could try implementing a reward system whereby children who obey their responsibilities (whether that be your children or his) for a day/week whatever, get some form of treat. either a special tea, a trip out, some sweets, pocket money etc. this would show them that obeying you and fulfilling their responsibilities has its benefits, and they will learn to respect you for being firm but fair.
best of luck xx
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (25 May 2010):
 I agree with YouWish.
You need to sit your husband down and you two set the ground rules for what is acceptable and what is not acceptable in your household, then YOU both have all 6 kids in and explain the rules.
It might also be a good idea that both of you talk about respect, punishment and what not with your "own" kids so they know where they stand with the step-parent.
It should come to a point where all you can do it say:" just wait til your Dad gets home", you should be able to take care of anything that happens throughout the day.
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A
female
reader, cindy 15 +, writes (25 May 2010):
 as a step kid myself in my opinion is give the kids space and let them be let them get used to you the kids might think that u might be tryin to take there mothers place.or maybe it could be a phase for that they miss there mother or that they are just showing there rebellious stage like most kids do id say show the kids that u love them and try talk to ur husband to solve your problems.im sure that the kids will see you as the loveing mum you are all the kids need is a little bit of getting used to and space
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (25 May 2010):
 Yep, it's your husband's job to back you up. He can't sit and listen to them and undermine you. You're not the kids' mother, but when they're with you, you're their guardian. Don't be afraid to lay down the rules. If they try undermining you with their dad, call a FAMILY meeting with everyone present (including your husband) and address the issue right out in the open. Explain why you need to maintain order in the house, and that you're not replacing the kids' real mother, but they must mind you. Your husband must back you up in this meeting.
I'm guessing he's being soft with the kids because he knows the kids resent your presence as your dad's wife. However, that's no excuse for letting them mistreat you. And you, be the adult and don't lose your temper on the kids or start getting unreasonable.
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