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female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes: I'm not sure if this counts as a question. I'm sorry, I'm just really frustrated.So. I accused my girlfriend of cheating.I had proof.. solid, even. In my head. I knew it, I had the phone number, account and everything. Of course, long distance comes with its doubts, so coming from someone who started a relationship online it was.. really hard for me to trust her. I'm not used to it. I miss the comfort, the care that comes with being together IRL.And.. she's gone.She lied about her face. She lied about where she lived, even if we would meet up next year. She lied about her name.But not about her love. Not about cheating. She didin't. She would never, and I knew it. Deep down.She cut all contact with me. Saying she loved me, we waved our final goodbyes before she vanished from any online presence.I miss her more than anything. My heart feels heavier than ever, it's my fault and I need her more than anything, anyone.Please, anyone, anything. I really need her. She's my soulmate. I know it. Please.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2021): If everything about her was imaginary; then it shouldn't take too long to get-over someone who was a fictional-person. You were in-love with the idea of who she was, but she no longer exists.
You should take this as a learning experience. When you find people online, and you've never met them; they might learn a lot of things about you from chats. When we like someone, we tend to reveal a lot about ourselves; and sometimes people offer TMI in their personal-profiles. People can create a character, or persona, of the person you've designed and described in detail. You create the prototype, and they'll become your imaginary 3-D printer.
You've found-out that everything about her was false; so how can she be your "soulmate???" People online play these vicious little games all the time; and exploit the innocence and loneliness of young or naive people. They are sick and soulless trolls; but you had to experience this to learn.
She basically told you what you wanted to hear, she used whatever clues and details you gave her about yourself; and she devised a character to fit your specifications. You got caught-up, and you took it from there; because you got lost in your fantasy-world.
Now you're disappointed. If she lied about everything, how does she remain so dear to you? You've never met her!
Maybe you're spending too much time online. I think you need to wake-up, shake it off, and comeback to reality. She was a fake, and you'll get-over her.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (1 December 2021):
 Ah, OP
You need to "detox" from this person whom you never REALLY met and never REALLY knew.
She wasn't your soul mate. You just think she was. Yes, it can FEEL oh so real and oh so deep but she LIED about everything. She played "make-believe" with your feelings.
OP, she also LIED about loving you too. Just like she lied about her name, where she lied, how she looked... EVERYTHING. Noone DOES this to someone they love. Ok?
This was a GAME to her. Get someone to fall for her, or rather the CHARACTER she created.
LEARN from this, OP. This is one hard lesson. People play games with other people's feelings and lives online. Just like your "GF" did.
You sound naive, OP and that is not a criticism. But you can not think that there is only ONE person for you out there or that someone who DID all this lying to you, is worthy of your love.
She got caught being a cruel liar and what did she do? She played her last game, she told you that she lied about everything except loving you. And then she exited stage left. Leaving you with a broken heart. She "won" her game.
My advice? Write down what happened as a journaling story. So you kind of get your facts straight. Once you get it down on paper you might realize just how CRUEL her game was. And you might in time realize that it was NEVER love from her end, and only infatuation from your end. Because you CAN NOT love someone who doesn't exist, whom you have never met in person.
Learn from this. Next time, ONLY date someone in your own geographical area. Someone, you can meet up with and see in person on a regular basis and get to know.
If this "GF" had your phone number and e-mail and social media - I would advise you to change your number ASAP, change your e-mail ASAP and lock down your social media so she can't start a new round of "make-believe" games with you pretending to be someone else. Because someone like her MIGHT just do that. She is not right in the head to have done this to you, and she probably has done it to others and will continue to do so. If she also has your physical address, pay attention to anything mailed to you. If you get a "snail-letter" or package - do not open it, just trash it.
As Kenny said, YOU got catfished by a really cruel person. And it sucks.
You didn't deserve that.
Chin up, at least now you know that it was all fake. Because it WAS. At least from her end.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2021): I`ll agree with kenny.
She`s a sly and a fox
My guess is she never loved you since all she did was lie even to her face!
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A
male
reader, kenny  +, writes (1 December 2021):
 Sorry, meant to say in the beginning of post, " everything" she said was a lie.
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A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (1 December 2021):
I know this is not what you want to hear, but she lied to you left right and center, nothing she said was a lie, so i would not mind betting that when she said i love you this was a lie as well.
This was a long distance online relationship, i don't think she ever had any intention of meeting you, otherwise she would have been honest from the beginning and told you the truth. I would not mind betting that she frequently does things like this builds up peoples hopes all based on lies.
Trust is one of the most important contributing factors that bind a relationship together, without trust its doomed to fail. And lets face it, there was never going to be any trust here.
She is not your soulmate, a soulmate would tell you the truth and be honest with you, and you certainly don't need her. In all honesty you can't love someone you never met.
I think you should think yourself lucky that you maybe dodged a bullet here, a lucky escape, because i'm betting she has now moved onto someone else and is spinning them a load of lies as well. I'm sorry to say it but this is a classic catfish.
Sorry if my post sounds harsh, or if this is not the answer you were hoping to achieve, but the harsh reality is nothing good would ever of come of keeping up contact with this person. How could you possible have met her next year, she also lied about her face, presumably a fake pic so how on earth would you know who your looking for.
I know its hard OP, LET this one go, and think yourself lucky you are free of this now. Things will get easier, time is the healer of all things. Have a break from this for a while, then when your ready find someone closer to home, and who tells the truth.
At least you can take this experience with you, a learning curve that has hopefully made you wiser, and you will be more alert to red flags.
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