A
female
age
30-35,
*ola1002
writes:I was friends with this girl for ages and if i do not talk to her she doesn't communicate with me, 3 yrs ago i ddn't speak to her for a year because i was the only one visiting her and doing most work so i left her we only reunited on this party but am not someone who holds grudges so i was happy to see her our friendship carried on .I am dating her brother by the way. So she got pregnant last year and she ddn't want to tell me or anything she ddn't invite to her place she excluded me, so i ended up not being interested.So i offended her cause i told her to get her mums help on her pregnancy i was just being supportive but she ddn't see it that way and ever since shes been talking behind my back saying i offended her and i got freedom of speech and stuff like that, and also how i said she shouldn't have a baby shower cause someone's baby died...and how my aunty lost her baby too ...you know i was telling her as a friend when i was asking if her mum wld want a baby shower she said no her mum wld want a baby welcme coz they were pregnant as the same time....so i was like oh thats still nice i love baby showers even baby welcme too but u know shes older she might like baby welcome ....and i told her wat happened to my mums friend she did a shower and her baby was still born....i ddn't mean her baby was gonna die but i was telling what happened to someone and i felt sorry i wasnt wishing her anything maybe it was wrong time to bring it up since she was pregnant but i ddn't know i did something wrong now a year latter i heard it from someone and i ddn't even remember i said it .....i dont know why she couldn't just ask me or say she dont like what am saying cause she continued being nice after that and now she said the tension is always going be like that and she doesnt want to fix it and how everyone knows she is not talking to me..... i feel really sad cause i am a bubbly person and how am i supposed to even be around her when its like this ive tried greeting her but she doesnt greet me at all what do i do this is my bf's sister and we are getting engaged soon...we are going be related and shes always going to be in my life she said to my friend its best she leaves it not confront and to her its not weird at all since her hubby doesn't speak to her brother and she doesn't speak about me to my bf so shes fine.....i dnt know i need help maybe i really wronged her but dont i deserve some forgiveness or a chance i ddnt mean any of it she also talked about how i wasn't supportive of her pregnancy i tried to but she never invited me anywhere even her own place like i said she would invite my friends so how am i supposed to support and always be the one chasing her when am left in the dark....and she seems so perfect like shes always right i dont know what to do i am crying right now it feels like i just want to end my relationship and get better sister in laws help i need advice and honesty please . She said she wants to keep her distance i dont' know if her friends are being negatively influencing her into hating me because shes going to be an aunty to my kids and family so i don't know how she is going to keep her distance that way...
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2012): Thank you for your advice i think i will email her after the new year and before her birthday because a mutual friend told me what she has been saying so she will know that ive been told about what she was saying.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (5 December 2012):
 Oh boy. Talk about foot in the mouth. Don't you know better than to talk about dead babies to a pregnant girl ? I know you did not wish her any harm, and I know that it was a passing comment without malice, but..if these is your being bubbly, you want to keep those bubbles in check.
Pregnant women are very sensitive about certain issues , and rightly so. They ALL are afraid, even if they don't show it, deep down there's always this thought, this real possibility,actually, that something mayalways go wrong- and generally people do their best not to bring up these bad thoughts to the forefront, and I thought everybody knew that !
Also, I think she felt unsupported because you minded too much whose turn was to call on whom. She is the pregnant one, even if she did not invite you at home, or called you first, well, you could still have called her every now and then , to ask her : how is it going, have you got any nausea, is the baby moving ?... this kind of stuff that you ask to show you care . If you care you don't mind the etiquette too much and whose turn it is .
HOWEVER, yes , said all that, your SIL is silly and stubborn if she holds on to these menial grudges that are after all born out of simple misunderstandings. She IS overreacting, and she should not. But she does, so what can you do ? not much, which is : making one last try. Not at apologies, - just at explaining her the situation. Why don't you write a letter, or an e-mail, telling that you regret the situation and that any offence has been totally involuntary and that if there is any misunderstanding you'd like to clear the air- and anyway that you miss her and are ready to turn page and start a new relationship, also in view of the fact that you are joining their family .
Not grovelling ( you have no reason to ) and not accusing. Just nice.
Then , once you have done your part, your conscience is clean, if she comes around, great, if she chooses to be spiteful, that's her own doing and can't say you haven't tried.
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A
female
reader, orangeswild123  +, writes (5 December 2012):
 Wow! She sounds like dramaaaaaa haha I'm sorry! Every family has one drama queen. The best thing you can do is be a lady with class about it. I would ask to meet with her and just talk it out. Now I don't think you owe her an apology, because she blew it out of proportion. You could say however you wish to put the past behind you and be friends again. Water under the bridge. Also you could ask for her help with something, like planning something or doing something she likes. If that fails just let her know you're here to stay and from this point forward the relationship she decides to pursue with you is her responsibility. As long as your boyfriend can see you are making an effort and she's not open to it then your good. That's all you can do :)
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