A
female
age
,
*cfudge
writes:dear cupid ,hope someone can help me. i was planing on marrying this july. well my son got full fiancial aid for college books . everything . well i cant marry for 2 years now, they go by your income. i asked my guy to wait and he got mad. took the ring back. i love him but i have to put my son first. he wont wait 2 years. he wants me to marry him next year now and let my son alone in my house. he would be working part time. my parents and my friends are against this idea. he is not mature enough to be alone. he is a honor student. stays out of trouble. a very good son. he would be 19 if i would marry. im afraid if im not there something bad would happen. my fiance and i are still talking on the phone but have not seen each other since he took the ring back. i could really listen to you guys opinions out there. thank you. have a great day.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2011): Not to be rude or anything, but how is this even a question? Your sons education should come before some guy. If a man is making you choose between your sons education and marrying him then he isn't worth it. And what do you mean live in the house alone? Your going to run off with this guy and leave your child alone to pay bills, feed himself, and go to school? Not to mention work and a part time job at that. How will he pay any bills? Stop being selfish. If he wants you then he can understand why you need to wait. Dump this guy if he doesn't want to compromise and get your son through college.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2011): your son should come first! Don't ruin his future, and don't let your fiancé ruin his future either.
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A
female
reader, cupidus  +, writes (5 April 2011):
 Would your fiance pay for your sons education?
If you son lives alone in your house who's going to pay those bills?
Can he live on campus and apply for loans and grants?
Is there a rift between your fiance and son?
Is this just college books or the whole tuition?
Are you possibly being overprotective of your son?
What does your son want to do?
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A
male
reader, C. Grant +, writes (5 April 2011):
 My attitude is that kids always come first. Your son getting a full-ride scholarship is fantastic -- a wonderful opportunity at a time when opportunities are in short supply. You shouldn't do anything to jeopardize it. And no, if you don't think he's mature enough to live alone, don't go there.
There's clearly more to this story. It's tempting to jump on your fiance and call him selfish and all that, but we really have no way of knowing what else is going on. Why not tell him that if he'll pay for your son's college education he can have whatever wedding date he wants. Just get the cash put in escrow first. ;)
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A
female
reader, TEM +, writes (5 April 2011):
 I really hope your fiance reconsiders once he cools down. The reason you are giving for putting marriage off a year is solid. I really think he should accept your terms. What is his hurry?
You are right to put your son first in this situation. He is an honor student that can't afford college without financial aid. Also, I think you are right in feeling that he is not old enough to be on his own. I am, right now, living with my son who is in college on scholarship, so I can really relate to your dilemma. My son has a 3.5 average. I really don't think he would be doing so well if I were to leave him on his own.
Stick to your guns here. He should not be making you choose between your son and he. This is unfair. When you do talk to your fiance, do so in a calm manner. Reassure him that while you love him, this is something you feel you must do for your child. Does he have kids? He should be able to see your reasoning here. Just my opinion, but if you can not come to an agreement on this issue, you might want to reconsider choosing him as a life partner.
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