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female
,
anonymous
writes: If anyone can help me with this problem, then advice is appreciated!I came back home from work one day to find my #16-year-old son sitting in the garden wearing his 19-year-old sister's white bikini (it was a hot day). His sister was at university that dayI asked him why he did it, and he said bikinis are more comfortable than swim shorts and he wants to wear them in public from now on. He said he's not a cross-dresser, so it rules that reason out.What problems has he got? Are his hormones going screwy?? Help me please!Suzannex
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2010): i steal my moms and my sisters clothes im not gay it just makes me feel sexy
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2010): My question is - if you came home and found your daughter wearing your sons bathing suit, would you have a problem with it? I honestly can't understand why we are willing to allow our daughters to wear just about any item of clothing; whether it's designed for males or females. But let a teenage boy try wearing so much as a low cut pair of girls jeans,.....and the whole family breaks down, and cry's - "where have we gone wrong"?
I just don't get it.
kristi
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2010): If anybody is still stumbling accross this thread...
A lot of guys like wearing different pieces of girls' clothing (or entire outfits) for a lot of different reasons. Early on, he may not even really know why himself, much less explaiun it. It may be curiosity, he may like the feeling of the fabric (just like girls do), it may be that it's his attempt to 'contact' girls on a physical level - not because they're his sister's, but because they are 'girls pivate things', and it's a form of 'intimate contact', it may be a sexual turn on, he may feel more female than male inside, might be a teansexual, or just might be a cross-dresser - One of the LEAST LIKELY possabilities is that he's gay - Almost all guys wgo wear girls clothing aren't interested in other guys, their interest is girls, whether it's an attraction to be close to them through their clothing, or to try feeling like one of them, either temporarily, out of curiosity or experimentation, or possibly full time.
There are a very wide range of reasons, and he may be trying to sort them out.
I wouldn't condemn it, or make him feel ashamed, but I would make sure he understand that (a) even in today's 'enlightened times', it still isn't considered acceptable, out in public, or letting other people know about it, and (b) clothing, particularly lingerie, swimsuit bottoms, etc., are personal and private, so 'borrowing' them from others, including sisters, mothers, girlfriends, friends sistrs, etc, is NOT appropriate.
Fortunately, thanks to the internet, buying his own is fairly easy and anonymous - maybe he could choose a few items, and you could order them for him. I would add a few conditions: (1) no more borrowing clothes, and (2) keep it private, to avoid making him or other people uncomfortble.
Also, there are a lot of resources on the internet, to let him see that he's not alone in his feelings and desires, and to see all the reasons why other guys do it, and hopefully figure out why he feels as he does for himself.
At some point, he may want to discuss it with a cousellor who specializes in Gender Identity, and they can also be found through the internet, and first contact could be made through an anomymous free email account, to make sure he's comfortable and feels safe with the counsellor, before meeting in person.
As many others have mentioned, it isn't all that unusual, he isn't alone or 'weird', he's just at a different place on the wide gender identity area than most.
Hope everone winds up happy and healthy, in their body and in their mind!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2010): I'm a 14 year old boy and I love wearing panties bras and bikinis. I'm not gay. I think you should definitly talk to him and I'd he still wants to wear bikini bottoms then let him also while your shopping get him some bras and panties and tell him that if he decides to he can wear them too overall don't make him feel ashamed or looked down apon
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2010): I say they are more comfortable
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2010): I've been wearing nylon panties for forty years, 24/7. My wife goes along with my fetish. What is amussing to the both of us is that I caught our grandson wearing his mother's panties. After lots of talking it over between the three of us, my wife, my grandson and myself we decided to let his mom, our daughter in on his secret. The kicker is that she already knew of her son's proclivity and had purposely kept quiet about it or his sake. On top of that our daughter also knew about my fetish. It's really great with the air cleared up around here.
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reader, milomlo  +, writes (13 June 2010):
Ok I am in the same boat. I found a girls bathing suit in my son's closet as well as one of my nighties. I have asked him about this and he is saying he wants to wear girls bikini (bathing suit) bottoms. I have purchased him some men's basket ball shorts (because at first he said it was the fabric), then some very thin silky underware kinda like exercise shorts. Now he is back to bikini bottoms.
I don't know what to do. I don't want to buy my son girls clothing.
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reader, Norwayfan360 +, writes (5 June 2010):
ok, i had sort of the sameproblem when i was 16. I did not really care for anything girly except for bekinis, panties, and womens running short shorts. Then my parents caught me wearing Hot pink running short shorts. They did not mind, in fact they bough me more. AT this time im 19 and in collage. I got to school in the shorts and no one minds. My girlfriend loves it, espicially when we are in pe class. so basicly the point is, it does not really matter what clothes he wears, be embracing, he will enjoy it if you buy him some, he will still probably like girls.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2010): Your son does not necessarily have a problem, nor does this mean he is homosexual. It sounds like it just simply worries you or embarasses you that he is comfortable in women's bikini bottoms. Typically, finding men's swimsuits that are cut similar to women's suits is very difficult. Truth be known, women's bottoms are designed to fit more comfortably, particularly on your bottom, so you must consider the following: A. He is comfortable enough with himself and his sexuality to not care what other's think, which is actually a positive trait. B. If you found out men's briefs were actually more comfortable than panties and you started wearing them all the time, would you think there was something wrong with you? C. It may just be his way of getting some attention, as well.
Without knowing all the circumstances involved, one can only speculate to his motives.
Answers to the following questions would help pin point a little better what is actually going on and how you can resolve your issue.
1. Does he have an erection or semi-erection when wearing the bikini bottoms?
2. Have you ever caught or think you caught him masturbating with bikini bottoms or panties?
3. Have you ever noticed any homosexual tendancies in his disposition, his speech or any porn he may be hiding?
Most likely, he get's turned on by wearing his sisters bikini bottoms, not because they are his sisters, but simply because they are female bottoms. This is more common with heterosexual men than most people know and it is simply a stimulus for their brain and their body prior to a masturbation session.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2010): He's obviously is having confusion about his sexual desires. I'm not saying he's gay or a cross dresser, he just might be curious or even have a fetish! Hope dad didnt do anything bad to him, just take time and let him sort it out, it's really his choice in the end.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2010): You should let him do that. I wear panties all the time and love it! You should let him do what he wants. He will be happier that way
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reader, sissy paul  +, writes (17 January 2010):
I see no problem in him wearing his sisters bikini bottoms as I love wearing girls/womens underwear and wear it all the time I do not own any male underwear
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2009): Every 16-year-old's hormones are going screwy. Of course it's better that than him doing drugs or stealing cars or starting fights.
But helping himself to his sister's stuff is a violation of her privacy, and he needs to know this. Also, saying he wants to wear them in public is a very bad idea, for obvious reasons. You should point this out.
In an ideal world, the nicest thing you could do is take him shopping for bras and panties of his own, the way I'm sure you would with your daughter (the only difference is society's attitude) - but he might not be comfortable with this, and you might be freaked out too. There's a demarcation line where you should be accepting of it by all means, but not TOO openly encouraging. Bear in mind you're his parent, not his fag-hag/fashion consultant, and the line shouldn't get blurred.
The world isn't perfect, and society doesn't yet see this as completely normal, acceptable, healthy and desirable, though no-one bats an eyelid at girls wearing jeans. For that reason, you don't want to 'normalise' it too much at his age, because there's still a taboo around the issue, and if he's sexually 'straight' as some trannies are, he'd be wise to realise that quite a lot of women (like his potential girlfriends) may be very unimpressed and not at all 'cool' with it. If he's gay, the same applies to his potential boyfriends (though more likely, they'll love it!)
Don't go overboard in 'encouraging' it, but the truth is that he has every right to do this as long as he's not stealing someone else's stuff. If he's at ease discussing it with you, and doesn't seem ashamed/embarrassed on the subject, maybe let him know you don't see anything wrong or pervy in what he's doing, and suggest that he takes a look at an Ann Summers or Victoria's Secret catalogue and pick out something nice that he likes.
But if he's self-conscious and embarrassed (or you are), the best option is to basically ignore the thing and don't mention it again, and stop worrying about it. It's his business. But his sister doesn't deserve to have it impact on her, since I assume she doesn't help herself to his underwear.
So, tell him that other people's stuff is strictly off limits, and apart from that, not a whole lot to worry about, just let him be if it makes him happy.
Best of luck!
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2009): While I have several years over your son--I was from the 70's clothing revolution. I say let him do so, if he wants to go public explain there will be people who will laugh, chide, or even be nasty--physical as well as verbal. There will be people who will want him for more--I know you know what I mean and finally there will be a very small and select group will stand by him. Problem is you don't know which is which at first. Impress upon him his safety is yours and should be his utmost concern. I did it when I was in my twenties, I'm not going to lie, at first I was akward but I gained confidence plus living in California helped. If you live in the stodgy old midwest like I do, best be it for him to stay around home for now. I look at fashion now-a-days and it really stinks! Pleated pants, sweat pants worn everywhere and all 50 sizes too big! Baggy, falling off pants really are bad. I used to wear a sports or crew shirt when I went out. I don't know how where he wants to go but if he's just sunning himself it should be no problem, if he wants to go out, some places might ask him to leave because it makes other patrons uncomfortable. Believe me this doesn't make him gay or a crossdresser and if it were so, better than doing drugs, harming people, or just being up to no good. He's 16 he like the rest of us is "finding his groove" no big deal. He'll figure it out. One other thing, Jordache made some really nice fitting ones years ago maybe checkout e-bay or the like.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2009): Dear Susanne,i have seen many answers here but i think most of them are a bit quirky to say the least.dont know if i can help,but finding your son wearing your daughters bikini bottom is no big deal.but wearing in public could be.i would suggest that you have a talk with him and make him understand that as his mother you are o.k. with him wearing female clothing,as long as it is in the privacy of your home.i know that i was forever grateful when my mother caught me wearing her lingerie.she was so very understanding and helped me go forward with my femme desiresand no i am not gay.you are his mother and i think it very important to help and understand him.there is a very spedial bond between mother and son,which you already know. good luck.J
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male
reader, D4Panty +, writes (21 April 2009):
I certainly did when I was four or five (wearing my sister's underwear when I had run out). It felt so good. I have been wearing female underwear a little bit up until college, then when I was dating, I would wear underwear of the women I dated (especially after she worn them - I loved the sweet aroma).
I am sure other boys have worn their sister's underwear. It is very normal. There is no need to worry about whether he will turn out straight or gay. Most of them turn out straight but love the feel of femininity on their genitals, which is as good as the real thing. Girls' cotton panties feel softer. The elastic looks so sexy. And the nylon panties feel good as well.
Another thing about softness is that when I masturbate, I do it in panties while looking at girlie magazines. That is better than doing it with my masculine hands.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2009): Well if he likes womens panties try buying him thongs I am 12 and am a boy a started wearing my moms panties and now I wear thongs they are way more comfortable and don't ride up and I am not gay so I will never again wear mend undies so ya buy him a couple thongs
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2009): well really its a fetish lots of guys wears girls panties/bikinis
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2009): im now 23 and when i was about that age i used to wear my sisters clothes because i would have rather have been a girl, im not gay and don't like men like that i just want to be myself, and to go outside like it when there is a risk of getting caught makes it more exciting and you know what i bet he wanted you to catch him so you could buy him woman's clothes cause i tell you you what i always wanted my mum to dress me up like a pretty girl it just takes a while to be able to tell someone so offer him this, see what he says or are you afraid of the answer?
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reader, Rockerkid666 +, writes (25 March 2009):
you should buy him his own bikini bottems that he likes
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2009): hii all so wear girls panties and bras and dress up as a girls i im a male
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2009): as a male 45 years old ,i have bee wearing panties sense i was 12 years old. it all started out as a prank. my older sister at the time dressed me up in her panties.at the time of this insident i 10 years old . a couple of years past and i for got about it.when i was 12 years old my sister would walk around the house in a teeshirt and panties . at that time it triggered a feeling to try on her panties. i had also developed a need to wear her bikinni bottoms too.about 5 years ago i started to wear a bikinni bottoms in public. most people really dont care if a man wears a bikinni in public.i have found that a lot of wemen get turned on by it.some women will say one thing in public when they are with there friends and but in private it is a totally differant story. i have found that a lot of women get turned on by that. so if you want to wear a bikini to the pool go a head.when buying a bikini try it on first to see if it fits right first
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2009): I'm 13 and i wear panties and even lingerie, i'm not gay, i don't wear guys underwear. My mom doesn't know now but i did tell her previously and i'm now secure enough with myself to wear panties in public so let him i enjoy wearing a good bikini
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2009): im a male who wears bikini in public just go to his school and tell every one hell be ashamed and he will stop
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2009): I am a straight male and have worn bikini swimwear for years. The girls always looked great in their sexy little bikinis. All that was there for the guys was baggy boxers that hung down to your knees. I always wanted to wear something sexy and stylish like what was offered for the girls. Some guys are not satisfied looking like everyone else. If your son wants something really daring, check out the Kaola suits. They will make a speedo look like a tent. I have two of their suits and believe me they are extremely small in coverage.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2009): I don't think there's anything to worry about. Your son is going through changes, and he probably most likely just likes the way they feel. I see absoltuely no cause for alarm. I do also believe that men's underwear is incredibly inferior to womens as far as comfort and feel goes.
I do have to admit though, that stealing/wearing other people's clothes isn't cool. Go shopping with him and get him some bikinis of his own.
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reader, calvin2008  +, writes (24 November 2008):
Well, Cindy,
Taking him to a psychiatrist will trigger more problems for him, than he will think why is this is happening, why did my parents do this, type of deal. Now being young and stuff its a phase us guys go through, every guy goes through not telling NO ONE, And a typical guy won't even say a word. At one point time of life a guy will try one on panties to see what it feels like. Some enjoy it to much and will continue on wearing. Some don't, due to eagle image. Well I did at that age, tried it out, and liked and kept it a secret and only did it in private, and at home. it was on and off type of deal. Until I got married, and my wife caught me and she liked it, and was supportive about it, ever since that day i wear 24/7. except to doctors appointments. I have 3 kids and they seen by accident by me bending over or playing around with them. And they did ask there mom about it and she told them it was my decision and personal choice. It doesn't bother them, they just comment on how cute they are from time to time if they saw. As been a parent today, you have to pretty much accept the child decision on things, to a point. So if your son finds its more comfortable, in his own decision on to wearing panties, okay accept it, and make sure he understands that some people wouldn't understand his decision, so make a point to him, wearing to school would be bad because of others people might see and give him a hard time so he wouldn't have to deal with embarrassment later down the road, so if he keeps his and yours little secret, he will appreciate it and will be more open with you later down the road. So support him in it, by buying his own panties and stuff. and maybe to show him that you are supportive about take him with you and let him pick his own.
Every day i keep thinking, about this. Its like your own child coming home one day to announce his gay or lesbian or bi or whatever. What are you going to say or react or dis-own that child or support that child decision in life. Thats your flesh and blood, you can't strand the child to his own decision. AS PARENTS WE PRAY EACH NIGHT THAT DAY WILL NEVER HAPPEN! Then the guilt trip after on us were did we go wrong and why and stuff. And at the end you find a much more open communication line with your kids and pays off, instead of them never talking with you ever again type of deal.
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reader, bikini_man  +, writes (4 November 2008):
well you have to admit they are suprisingly comftable
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2008): I am a 13 year old boy and love wearing bikinis and skirts. I was thinking about actually going swimming in a bikini but I am not gay.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2008): i dont think there is anything wrong with what he is doing it is probably just a phase! i occasionally wear womens underwear but i personally dont think there is anything wrong with it as long as he feels comfortable!
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2008): Am a 21 yr old woman and recently have encountered the same thing in regards to my 16 yr old brother wearing my underwear and bras etc and although i caught him wearing a set of my undewear i still love him for who he is and i do go underwear shopping with him to buy some for him so he can have his own underwear and bras etc so in regards to this except that clothes are clothes no matter what sex their meant for as someone mentioned if us girls wore mens clothes there wouldnt be a thing mentioned but cause its a boy wearing girls underwear it classified as being gay or strange etc at the end of the day clothes shouldnt have a impact on a person cause we live in a society where people can dress and act anyway they want
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2008): get him his own bikinis not girls . mens bikinis so that they 'fit' right menny web sits have mens bikinis that are cut like girls swim suit but made for men . im 19 now but have been wearing bikini swim wear for 4 years i would say more power to him to have the self covidence to wear them in public .. its just a swim suit its not the end of the world
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2008): i too like to wear bikinis.i wear them to a park to lay out in.i undo the top so there is no lines on my back or chest.sometimes i just wear the bottoms but it does cover all of my privates.i'm not gay but it is sensual.
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reader, lainee +, writes (1 April 2008):
Assure your son that you still love him. Let him know that the only thing you see wrong with your son wearing his sister's bikini is if he stretches it where it does not fit her correctly any more. I suggest taking him shopping and let him get his own bikini. While shopping, you may ask him if he would like to purchase some panties and bras also. Let him know that it is okay for him to wear them as long as he wears outer clothes over them. If we wants a dress to wear over them then let him get one. After all women wear men's boxers, men's jeans and shirts and nobody thinks anything negative. So why the tabboo for boys wearing girl's clothing. In a time of equality where is the equality. Lainee'
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2008): My 16 year old daughter has complained over the past few months that she can't find any of her underwear. As we were getting ready for a trip, she moved my sons pillow out of the way, and there, in a pile, under my 14 year old son's pillow, was her underwear. Some of them even had unused sanitary napkins on them. I spoke with my son in confidence about the situation, and when I asked him why he had been wearing her underwear, he said "it's more comfortable". When asked why he put sanitary napkins on some of them, he said he was "bored".He also said that he only wears them at home, because he was afraid if he wore them to school, he would be made fun of. When he was a toddler, he did like putting on my high heels and walking around in them. He also asked his older sisters to dress him up in their dresses for fun.Thank God I kept my cool when asking about the underwear the other day. I assured him he wasn't in trouble, but that I just wanted to know why he was doing this.Can somebody please help me understand what this means. Should I go buy some mens underwear for him that is cut more like womens? Do you think I should have him see a psychiatrist? I don't want someone to make him feel "dirty or unacceptable". I just want to do what is the best for him. If any of you reading this has had these same experiences, please help me figure out what I should do.Thank you so much.Cindy
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2008): Hey Suzanne, if you'll still reading and keeping up with these replies. I have a little advice. I am a 16-year-old Junior in high school. I have a feeling I know a little about what hes going through. See, I'm also a "panty-wearing". And the reasoning for me wearing if comfort, style, and feeling sexy. Now, I'm betting your son is probably wearing these for one of those reasons, however don't act like your ashamed or you think hes just messing with you for attention, that will just distance your relationship and your son will lose the communication he needs most. I would recommend for you to go and just talk, ask him if he wants to go shopping and gets some of his own, because stealing is never right. Approach with caution and ease him into. Try to make a connection like if you wear bikinis relate and how you like them. Try to make him feel as comfortable as possible. And if your wondering if the bikini can hurt his "area", you should be a little concerned. See wearing non-cotton on men can cause rashes and the bikini itself can sterilize him if he wears it enough. Your biggest concern should be his health, maybe suggest man thongs? I have a couple of Calvin Klein thongs and they are great oh my god! Anyways, hope it helped.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2008): I don't think it really means anything. I am a guy and I always liked wearing bikini underwear. It is more comfortable. As I grew older I started wearing men's thongs and low rise underwear. Recently I started wearing girls bikini underwear. (It really is more comfortable than men's underwear if you can ge the correct size.) I am completely straight. My girlfriend loves my undie collection - bikinis, thongs, and girls undies. I also wear speedo bikini bathing suits and she loves this. I think it is actually a turn on for her because I am confident in my underwear choice and don't feel the need to wear boxers because it is the "cool thing." If your son wants to wear girls bikinis then I would support him, but I would get him his own; wearing his sister's undies is a bit weird. If he is embarrassed about buy them, he can order them online (at American Eagle). Too, he may be just going through a phase. Hope this helped.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2008): I wrote an answer to your question a little while ago and i'm fifteen about to turn sixteen so I know what he's going through
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2008): Just becouse he's wearing a bikini dosn't mean anything is wrong and from experiance I can agree that underwear for men is not as comfterble as underwear for women. Plus mens underwear tends to strech out and won't hold you, that along with very rough fabric dosn't make for comfort anytime. You don't have to worry about it being sexuall becouse he is tallking to about it. It would be a good idea to set him down and talk about it and if he still wants to wear bikini underwear let him just don't judge him about it or he might hurt very badly emotionally. If he still wants to wear bikinis Jockey makes a very comfterble one that is made from a very soft quality fabric that holds you and provids comfort all day, you should be able to get them at walmart in mens underwear the package will say LIFE. Since it's just about comfort there is nothing wrong about him wearing womens bikinis because one they have a wider range of fabrics, cuts and colors but it also keep him from wearing his sisters. If you do this and he wants to wear bikini underwear you should let him it won't make him any differant I know because I went through the samething and my mother did the same thing /
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2008): Wearing girls panties and bikinis really turn me on. Especially if I know some other girl has wore them once before. I am 33 years old and still wear them every once in a while. I wonder what a girl would think if she saw me at the beach wearing a girls bikini. I am in good shape not over weight and have muscle tone oh and not real harry either.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2007): well i am 14 i know he is going through a curious stage
its kind of normal
although you might want to ask him about his sexuality
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2007): just take him to the store and pick out a bikini for him that he will like, i have done this and found that womens bikini underwear are a lot more comfortable than briefs or boxers. Also he may eventually grow out of it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2007): get him some boys bikini underware or a speedo
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2005): He still insists that wearing a bikini is more comfortable than swim shorts, and wants to wear them in public from now on.
What do I do?
Suzanne
x
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reader, schlottjl +, writes (24 August 2005):
 Maybe you could try this line of reasoning for yourself first and him second.
He might be on to something. If he has discomfort wearing regular trunks, then there are alternatives out there. However, it is disrespectful for him to wear any clothes that are not his.
Also, I don't care what he says, wearing women’s clothing, including bathing attire, is the definition of cross dressing. From what I know of this topic, cross dressers usually are not gay. But they will be treated as such.
Also, consider he might be embarrassed and was just fooling around when caught. He may have been trying to save face (act as if it is not a big deal.) If this is the case, tell him that he is not permitted to wear the clothing of others unless he has permission from the owner. Tell him that you would say the same thing to your daughter if she raided his closet. Women do have private issues where under garments are concerned and her privacy is important.
Then after that, drop it. He may be testing to see if he can get your goat. If you give undue attention to this he may resort to similar behaviors when he wants attention. Give attention often and liberally for good behavior and sometimes just because.
I found a young male family member his age once in a dress and makeup. My reaction was as I advised and told him that it was unsafe for amateurs to combine lipstick and silk. If he wanted new clothes and cosmetics just ask otherwise he should respect other peoples property.
Not only did he turn out normal, he is not gay, a cross dresser, nor unusual in any way. He is very outgoing, funny, and the life of a party. He is also one of my favorite guys since my cool behavior was relieving to him and our trust grew significantly since then.
If you already freaked out, it is okay. Just go apologize and say you were shocked.
Good luck! So long as you love the kids and right your wrongs, he will be fine. Such is life. We don't determine who they are but with acceptance and understanding, we can ensure the best relationship with who they become.
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