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male
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anonymous
writes: Hello. I hope that you can help me, I'm 21yrs of age. I live at home, and I hate it. I hate my life and I hate my work I hate everything about me. I work with my dad and he is constantly criticizing me; there are days that we get on very well but there are other days where we simply can not stand each other. Talking with my folks is like talking to a thick brick wall. I try, voice my opinions, then I get the silent treatment. I'm close with my mom, but there are some days that she acts more immature than a 12 year old girl turning into a teenager. Imagine coming home after working hard and having your old man pick on you and showing little respect, then coming back home with your mom going thru her girlie nagging ways. Then she asks what's wrong with me. I can't explain things without her turning the story around and making herself look like the victim. I'm so tired of this. I have three older sisters before me and they have married. Now I'm stuck at home alone. I want to move out and move on with my life and enjoy my life, but they will not allow that. There are friends that invite me to parties and out for drinks obviously in the evening. When I tell them I'm gonna go out, they tell me to be careful, yes that is caring, but not when they tell me that there are people that want to kill. I am very careful when I go out to a point where I am paranoid.We have a beautiful home, and we are going thru some big renovations and fixing, and putting up new curtains, etc, all the rooms are being redone, and my room is going to look great, but my problem is that if I move out I can't enjoy my room, and they'll blame me for being the ungrateful brat. But it is not fair that I have to live my pathetic life trying to make them happy and always put my feelings aside, and be quiet. To top it all off, I'm in love with a man with whom I want to marry and they do not know about it. Nobody suspects me because I look and act straight, plus I do not like these dancing queens. My partner is Indian and I am white. They have never met him as my "best friend" because they have never been bothered to, and they have the racist attitude, it's like they only want me revolve around white people only, and when I go out with my friends, I get told that people wanna kill me, and that there are vehicle accidents. It's almost as if they want something to happen to me so that they can say I told you so. Talking with them is inpossible because they tell me that what I'm doing is affecting their blood pressure.In short, I'm in love with a man, I hate my life at home because they do not understand me nor my life, the house is being renovated and I want to move out, but if I do they'll be mad. Please help. I'm desperate because I do not know what to do with my pathetic life and family life.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2005): Well, we both know you can't live with Mom and Dad forever..so maybe these feelings you are experiencing is your inner voice telling you to..take responsibility and make an independent life for yourself. Find a new job and move out. As much as we hate to admit it, sometimes it is easier to sit back and let others provide for you, while you get accustomed to a comfort zone. Mom and Dad are not "forcing" you to live with them...it's your choice to remain. By you, taking the path of least resistance, you reward yourself with comfort and relief from anxiety that comes from reaching for something else. You may feel safe when you don't attempt to change, but you are sabotaging yourself. You are selling out your own happiness and putting up with something you don't want. Expect more of yourself, get out there in the big world and Live on your own. It's an incredible sense of freedom and adventure and let me say...your sense of believing in yourself will soar!
Have a plan to get on your own. Find a job, something that gives you the pride and independence to be able to say, "I am taking care of myself." Start living where you can get up in the morning and look in the mirror and say, " I'm proud of what I have achieved on my own." Take pride in yourself and do something about it.
Mom and Dad are enabling you & they can't seem to let go.
They are hanging on with a vengenance and I fail to see why, because it's incredibly damaging your self-esteem and your drive for self-reliance. There is an old saying: "Those for whom you do the most, wind up resenting you the worst." Are they really helping you if they're not showing you how the real world works? Your parents need to redefine what it means to help you. Look at their motivation for helping you. If they are doing it to feel better about themselves, then they probably don't have your best interest in mind. You don't help people by taking away their self-sufficiency, pride of accomplishment and achievement. You need to take an initiative and find ways to achieve your goals on your own. If something is important enough for you, your parents need to find a way to encourage and support you through your goals and tell you no matter what, they love and are behind you, all the way. That's just what us parents do for our kids. Good Luck and I hope you what's best for YOU
Irish
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2005): The last words I said after my son left home to make his way in the big world was-"Yay...Alone at last!” But wait. Who’s that familiar face coming up the walk with suitcases in hand? It’s my grown progeny! Coming back-oh god Noooo! This is my hugest nightmare...living with my adult children.( heh heh)
Not to make light of your situation (just wanted to make you smile a bit) but I really think it's time you moved out and made a totally independant life for yourself. Start planning, tell Mom and Dad gently and then quietly go about your business. They will likely nag, cajole, critcize and be peeved for about a week or maybe two...but they'll learn to accept it. It's a chance you have to take and it's the only way to make them respect you and the life you want to make for yourself. Take the chance and just get out and move forward.
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A
female
reader, TrinnityO5 +, writes (23 August 2005):
you need to think about you !
what you want and need
because this is your life and your parents wont always be around be gentle and honest
they may even repect you more for doing so X trin
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