A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone, id just like some help regarding my son really.I wrote on here a while back about his dad being out of the picture for the last 2-3 years(my son is now 7).His dad lives just around the corner though has made it clear he has no interest in my son anymore.My son now answers to my surname rather than his dads as he says its what he wants.Anyway...my son has been mentioning his dad in passing occasionaly for the past month or so, things like 'dad does this with me/dad feeds me so on...' I really dont know how to respond when he says those things. Ive told him in the past its ok to still love his dad, thats hes allowed to have those feelings. I havnt said anymore as i havnt the faintest idea what to say at all if anything.Lastnight out of the blue my son came downstairs crying-real tear, puffy eyes etc like major upset! I asked whats wrong...he says 'i just miss my dad' needless to say i was very shocked and asked what bought this on, i asked if someone had said something, he replies 'no, its just that ive been looking through the photo album in my room' ...(He has an album on his bookcase full of his baby pictures and his dad is in quite a few of them).I gave him cuddles etc told him he'd always have me, that i would never be going anywere but i really dont know how to handle this at all. He mentioned it in passing thismorning, asked me to take the album away as it upset him. My other half says this is a bad idea- that i should leave the album there. Its like my son is greiving.I wish i could do something to make his dad interested but hes made it blaitantly obvious he just couldnt care less. He has a girlfriend who not only dislikes me(even though we have never met) but is too imature to let him play daddy. Ive has mutual friends aswell as his own relatives tell me he has moved on to a differant life now- a free man so to speak.Sorry for rambling- i know im hardly making any sense but im just stuck in all this mess. Any advice is appreciated.
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male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (25 May 2012):
 I would like to say that 2-3 years are not enough time for a ten-year old to get over the fact that his father doesn't want anything to do with him. Give the boy as much time as he should need.
Your son does not need professional help. He is simply grieving and his reason for that is absolutely natural. Save that money for something better. What he needs is a reality check. The sooner he realizes that he can be happy without the man, and that he only has you and himself, the better.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2012): I have been through this myself. My ex husband left and really wanted no contact with his son. My son used to cry for him and look through albums too. I contacted his father and said that our son was upset, missing him etc but my husband did not care at all and said that I was making t all up so he would come back to us. I did explain to my son that it was nothing to do with him just that daddy didn't want anything to do with anyone at the moment and that seemed to calm things. This happened when my son was 8, he is now 16 and thre has been no contact at all although we know where he is. It is a hard thing to deal with but you need to fill your son's life as fully as you can so he doesn't miss or want for anything from the other parent. My son now would have nothing to do with his father even if he did try and get in contact.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2012): You need to move house, remove the chance of your son bumping into his dad and being ignored. A fresh start.If your exs parents have disowned your son too then its even harder as he has lost grandparents. Plus aunts,uncles cousins. They sound a heartless crowd.Am sure your ex's new woman cant stop him if he really wanted to see his son,he would have.If she likes you or not, or you her, is irrelevant, its your son and his Dad that countTake the foto album away,it doesn't need to be in his room,hes too small and upset to have it in there with picturess of his absent Dad.Just keep telling him you love him, get your family to do the same.He needs to feel wanted.I hope your new man makes a fuss of him,gets on with him, that you do family stuff and your son doesn't feel pushed out by him being around.I agree he needs hobbies to keep busy too and friends around.The others gave sound advice.Hope things get better for him soon its been years already.Get help from the Doctor for him too.
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (25 May 2012):
 HiIts an awful situation, to see your son suffer, theres not much you can do re his Dad,hes made that clear.He doesn't want to know. Dads are usually proud of their sons so he is particularly cruel being like he is. The fact he lives round the corner makes it even harder, he must see his Dad, and will do in the future too.Just keep on reassuring him that YOU are going nowhere. Get your family to spend time with him so he knows he is loved by many. Take the photo album out of his room. He doesnt need constantly reminding of how things were,hes 7 not 17. Maybe when hes older and able to cope he can ask to see it but I doubt he will.Find things to keep his life busy, let him join football etc,have mates on a sleep-over,take him swimming or days out,camp in the garden.Let him see life isnt so bad without his Dad around. Show that he's important to you,that hes your priority.Its been 2-3 years so he should be accepting it by now,however difficult. As he finds it hard, then maybe he needs professional help to cope?
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A
male
reader, Danielepew +, writes (25 May 2012):
If the father has already said that he has no interest in his son, then the difficult but better thing to do is to let your son grieve and give him time to adjust to the truth.
I know this will hurt you and him a lot, and that you will feel extra bad for it, but, what would happen if you went to the father, asked for him to look after the child, and the man came back only to leave again?
I think you should move. It will make things easier on your son.
Your son needs to learn to be strong and to see things the way they are. It will take him years to understand that his father doesn't love him, and it will take him even more years to function on his own, but the sooner he does it, the better for him.
Whatever you do, don't lie to him. It's best if you don't say anything other than "he's gone but I am here". Also, try to connect to your family so he receives affection from them. Make him feel love so he won't grow with a vacuum in his heart, feeling unloved and unworthy.
Your role is to help him be a brave man.
All the best for you and your son.
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A
female
reader, Fredthefrog +, writes (24 May 2012):
Well that is hard!!! Is there anyway that you could talk to his dad and ask him to maybe look after your son a day every week or fortnight?!? Maybe this might get them together more!! This must be hard for you as well as your son!! Try and get your son into things like a new sport or club to occupy him so he has less time to get upset in!!! Hope it goes ok!!!
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