A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have 2 sons, 1 is always in my heart and the other i wish only to make his pain go away. Twin boys born 21st june 2001. We lost Matthew in February this year. Paul was, well he was inconsolable. In june he refused to celebrate his birthday, now he has told us he doesnt want presents tomorrow. We talk alot in counselling together but Paul never really opens up. I think maybe we should let Paul go on his own to counselling, the counsellor agrees with me but his mother thinks different. I think Paul blames us for Mathews death because we should be able to protect them from anything. I also think Paul misses his brother so much that the mark left will go on forever. So my question, should we let Paul go on his own to counselling Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (26 December 2015):
 Absolutely . Grief is a very personal journey and for all that are affected by such tragic circumstances need the comfort,safety and freedom to work through their pain in privacy. I can only Imagine being a twin would have an entire set of different emotions to struggle through and not something most of us can understand. Personally I wouldn't feel comfortable at all having any sort of counselling in the presence of family members it's just too restrictive.
A
female
reader, RubyBirtle +, writes (26 December 2015):
I agree that Paul could do with individual counselling sessions - especially since the counsellor has recommended it. He may well not feel able to talk about how he feels in front of his parents (regardless of whether he blames you or not).
What objections does his mother have?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2015): I would consider Psychotherapy -art therapy this type of counseling could help your son express his feelings, when words can not be expressed. The art therapy sessions address emotional issues particularly trauma, which may be confusing and distressing at such a young age and can not be verbally expressed.
This means your presence would not stop what he has to say, because it will be visible to the art therapist in his art not himself . Family sessions are also possible.
If you have not looked in this particular area, i would recommend researching the benefits of this type of therapy in your son's case.
I am so sorry for your loss, I am a twin.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (25 December 2015):
 I'm so sorry for your family's loss.
I do think it would be a good thing for him to go alone, he might have an easier time opening up and being honest about his feelings and thoughts without you and your wife in the room.
Whether he blames you or not is irrelevant, he needs HELP to work through his grief and you and your wife may not be able to do that for him, as you yourselves are grieving too.
Why not let him TRY a couple (maybe 5) solo sessions and see if that helps him?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 December 2015): Sorry for your loss.
I think you should let him go to counseling on his own. And let him select his own Therapist.
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