A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My son who is 13 is always hanging around my bedroom door when my friend and I are intimate. We close and lock the door for privacy but he stands there and listens. He then went and told my mom what he heard and now I am labeled as a bad person. He does not like my friend because of this and my son acts like he is the parent and I am the child. How do I handle this situation and have my privacy too. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, cocoqueen88 +, writes (11 August 2010):
 you shouldn't be have sex with "some guy" while your son is there. send him off somewhere with his friends or family members. he's probably upset that "some guy" just came over and started knockin boots with his mother. i mean have some kind of respect for your child.
A
female
reader, FluffyPie +, writes (11 August 2010):
 When I was 12, one morning I barged into my parents' bedroom and I saw them having sex, and I felt EXTREMELY awkward all day long, I could barely say a word to them. My mom pretended nothing happened, she didn't anything. I felt weird and confused, because until then, I knew sex is something that must be kept very deep in a family habits, and that sex is something bad (like most parents educate their kids). Until that moment, I never knew what sex really means, I only took a peek on TV and I was like "wooooah..". I felt hatred and jealousy at the same time, I couldn't possibly imagine my own parents in such context.
Go figure what your kid feels like when his mother is having sex with a stranger, especially a stranger male he doesn't like. He gets emotionally unbalanced, if this happens often. Try to think about your needs and his. Think about what's more important. When you bring home a man, the kid becomes jealous. It takes a LOOOOOT of time for him to adapt to a new person. At his age, he is easily yielding, and reckless things like bringing home a man he doesn't like, might turn him into your enemy.
On the other hand, he must be wondering why the person he loves is doing this to him, so he feels betrayed. He becomes confused, he thinks that "grown-ups" are bad.
I'm not saying "don't have sex anymore", we all have our needs, but at least for some time, try to have sex when he's not around. Send him with his friends, grandparents etc. Also, have a conversation with your mom, try to explain her that you love your son, but you need your moment alone as well.
If you don't see your sex-friend as possible future father for your son, the best would be to dump him. If you think he's more important than your son, well, you are bad parent. You kid has the right to know the person his mom is hanging out with. It's not recommended to bring home strangers, at least not when your kid's at home. He will follow your bad example and he will do the same when he'll be a grown-up.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2010): Its not appropriate for you to be having casual sex while your son is at home. Its gross enough to hear parents have sex, much less your mother with some dude. When he isn't there, go all out, otherwise you are creating a very sick environment!
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (11 August 2010):
 I believe you need your privacy. If it's past bed time for your son then you are entitled to have some alone time. It's hard to find someone who wants to babysit a 13 year old. Consider what a 13 year old boy would feel if you send him to a babysitter. He's not a baby anymore. It will feel awkward now to send your son to your mom because she knows what you are about to do. Go somewhere funky to have sex? How much do hotels cost, why should you spend a hundred dollars just because your son is not pleased? And what about him asking, "mom where are you going late at night?" As long as you spend enough quality time with your son, you shouldn't be labelled as a bad parent. Your mom would be concerned that you are being a bad model, preaching him that casual sex is okay. Your son only knows the obvious lesson taught from the school and the church, that sex outside of marriage is sinful. He doesn't know any better. Mentally challenge him, confront him. Ask him how does what you are doing make you a bad person. Tell him that you are upset because he is spreading rumors about your private matters. Teach him boundaries.
Another thing to consider is that it would be less awkward if your friend does become your boyfriend, the boyfriend you can bring home to your family. He needs to have a positive male role model in his life. He doesn't want to know that the men you hang out with are only interested in your body, but that does not mean single moms can't have fun too. Boys are very protective of their moms. He doesn't want you to get hurt. Assure him that you are happy. If you are not, then think twice about the men you date.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2010): Part of being a parent is not having BF's in your home while your kids are there... much less having sex while your kid(s) are there. You're clearly putting your needs before his, and as such you ARE a bad parent. Sorry- but that's the reality.
You need to find someone to watch your kid when you want some alone time... take him to your Mom, she's now very likely to understand that being at your house isn't good for him.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2010): for one, don't have sex while your son is in the house. for two, its probably hard for your son to know that you're casually having sex, there are things you should do away from your children and casual sex is one of them. I know that this is not what you want to hear, but find somewhere else to get funky with your friend and go apologize to your son for your inappropriate behavior.
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