A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:my son and his partner are both studying they have at his partners insistance moved into a one bedroom flat and have been there for 8 months. His partner has been unfaithful with several other men and the relationship is over however they are unable to get out of the lease and are having to make the best of a bad situation. My son has told me she was and now is selfharming and drinking until she passes out. He feels resposible for her and wants to help but doesn't know how to or who to talk to for advice. The situation is getting him down and I want to help I have amde sure that he knows he can return to the family home but what else can I do to support and help him through this difficult situation
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female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (20 March 2011):
 As the other aunts have said, the only thing you can do is to ask him to move back home and keep paying his part of the lease. He has to realize that he is not responsible for her. In any case, she is an adult and is capable of making her own decisions. As a concerned ex boyfriend and a well-wisher, all he can do is help her, which he has tried doing and since its clearly not working, now he just has to take control of his own life and move out.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2011): I would think the best way to help him is to let him fend for himself. If you have let him know that he has a place to go, the next move is on him.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2011): The only thing you can do to help is to advise him to move back home, he can still pay his way as far as the lease goes but it's not good for him to be stuck in the middle of that situation.
He needs to get out of there. You see he might feel responsible for taking care of her but all he's doing is enabling her to continue. He's actually making the situation a million times worse. You see he thinks she'd fall apart or something if he left, but what's more likely to happen is she'll wake up and realize she has to change. She's unlikely to do that while he's there picking up the pieces.
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A
male
reader, Capri2  +, writes (19 March 2011):
I guess it is very difficult for your son to help her her girlfriend after all that happened. And it is much more difficult for you to help your son. As there is not much you can do (or even he can do) for helping this girl. I would recommend your son to move out and return to your home. Even if he has to keep paying the lease. Maybe he should talk to a lawyer too, before he moves out. I don't know how it is in your country, but it's a complicated matter in mine. But he has to preserve himself from her. Specially after what she did.And maybe you son has to talk with a lawyer about how to make social services to take care of this girl before it's too late.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2011): Tell him to check her into rehab
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