A
female
age
51-59,
*otherofboys
writes:My 18 year old son is a senior in high school. Six month ago he started dating this girl "Ashley", just a few weeks after they started dating she found out she was pregnant (happened before she started dating my son), the father of the baby and his family refuses to acknowledge that he is going to be a father. My son continued with the relationship even though she is pregnant. I applaud him for sticking with her and not letting this situation change his mind on her being a nice girl, which she is. She is very sweet and you can tell they have lots of fun with each other. But I'm concerned now that her due date is getting closer. Last week I walked in and they were laying in bed and he was feeling the baby kick. He got really excited, he recently went to an ultra sound with her and I over heard him talking to a friend on how he isn't sure if he wants to go to an out of province university because of her and the baby. I think it's great that he is being supportive but I'm afraid he is getting to attached to this baby. It's almost like they are acting like he is the father . How can I talk to them / him about all of this with out them thinking I'm against him being involved.
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male
reader, oneguy  +, writes (13 November 2015):
 Hi,I don't think I have ever come across a question like yours on dearcupid before. A single question has never evoked so many diverse emotions in me before.Maam, I don't know who you are, but wow, what a son you've given birth to! He is so loving at the tender age of 18, he must be a great man. You are seeing his strength of character and are applauding it against all your motherly instincts! I mean this, I've seen few Mothers like you. In this, you have a genuinely good feeling in your heart - thank you. It's been too many years and I haven't seen many such people, that's why I'm thanking you.They say that blood is thicker than water. But no rivers of blood ever nurtured anyone. Love is very pure, and very strange. It arises when and where we least expect. So many agony aunts respond to our questions here - why? Some answers are so loving - how? Why do they have such love towards strangers whom they probably will never even meet??Your boy must read well. His education must be his top priority now. The world demands a lot and he must be equipped with the BEST tools and degrees to show for it to ensure that he gets a fighting chance. If it means he must step out of home, so be it.Like Honeypie said, you need to talk with him. But I think you must talk to with him along with the girl by his side. Right now, I wish I could speak with them, because I'm not involved, I'm a neutral observer, and I can advise unemotionally and without any vested interest. Yes, it would look like you are going against his wishes. I wish I could help you, but all I can do is to pray for your son and yourself, and also for the happiness of the girl and her child. I hope that the girl understands this and knows the value of the sacrifice she can make now.It's been hard typing this answer. I wish you all the very best, and lots of love and happiness in your lives, and especially, in your son's life.Best Regards,
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2015): What a great example of decent human being ! You should be very proud on raising such a good example to all men ! I mean it.
As far as his education is concerned. Make sure he realises how important that is too.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (13 November 2015):
 I would talk to HIM (not her).
And I would tell him that you are proud that he is being a good BF. Because he is. And yes I do think he is attached to the unborn baby - it would be hard not to be. And I see nothing wrong in that, it shows a mature young man with some serious love and care in his heart. He is STEPPING up (for now) because he is a good guy. BE proud.
I would then talk education. Tell him you overheard him saying that he isn't sure about the out of province uni. The better education he gets, the better he can take care of a family. If he CAN take the same degree IN the province I see no reason why he HAS to take it out of province. Unless of course he has earned a free scholar ship out of the province. Then really, it's a matter of getting through to him that he does need to put his education as his top priority.
You son has to do what he think is right, but that doesn't mean you can't tell him what YOU think he could/should do. And even if he doesn't agree with you, find a way to let him know you support him no matter what.
And maybe, for now the BEST thing you can do is sit back and see how it goes. For now the idea of a baby is something abstract to both your son and Ashley. TRUST me that will change once the baby is born.
Whether the baby is his or not, doesn't mean that he can't love it or that the baby doesn't deserve his love. And YOURS. He isn't throwing away his life because he cares and loves her.
I know it seems like a huge issue, but things have a way of sorting themselves out.
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