A
female
age
30-35,
*olly21lolly
writes:Hi I'm 21. I been with my boyfriend for almost 3 years and his birthday is on December 10th. It lands on a thursday and we both work so we vacant celebrate. So I wanted to do it on the weekend but my cousin's birthday party but I choose to do plan with my boyfriend for his birthday, now is that bad because my mom made me feel bad about it and I don't want to change my plans, i do have a life even though I still love with my mom. Please tell me am I doing anything wrong? And another thing is I want to do the same on Christmas day. I want to be doing things with him but the next day is my other cousin's birthday party but I'm also using that weekend for me and him because of Christmas. Is it bad that I'm being with my boyfriend and doing things with him like these event especially that its his birthday and Christmas on the same weeks. Does this show I love him more than my family? Then again I do have a life too. Help me out please.
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female
reader, Molly21lolly +, writes (14 November 2015):
Molly21lolly is verified as being by the original poster of the question Well my cousin's will be 5 and its complicated to have my boyfriend around. Only because our age difference. But thank you. You guys have me relieved.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2015): You're old enough to make choices between going to cousin's birthday parties, or spending the time with your boyfriend. I just don't see why you can't both make it to the birthday party, spend a little time; and be on your way. You can even drop off a gift and a card the day before the party; and let them know you and your boyfriend have plans for that weekend.
You don't say how old these cousins are. You act as though your attendance at these birthday parties are mandatory and you don't have a choice. You don't have to prove your love for your family by always forgoing your plans. They know you love them. You're older now, and there are things you want to do on your own. Those activities will not always be family-oriented.
Your love for family is unconditional. It doesn't always require self-sacrifice and martyrdom to prove you love them. There really is no comparison; because that's two different kinds of love. At your age, 90% plus of your time is with your family. You are old enough now to spend some time out on your own, doing what you want to do.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (14 November 2015):
 Yes, but I don't think it's a problem. You are supposed to love your boyfriend more than your cousins. Your mom would think differently because you are all blood related. If your boyfriend wishes to celebrate with your family then you should combine the parties. After three years together I see why not celebrate together. You don't mention your dad so I assume they are not married anymore. Your mom might be afraid that she will be lonely one day when you live with your boyfriend. So not celebrating with your cousins would be interpreted as you separating from your family. That causes her anxiety. Your mom will feel better if your boyfriend hangs out more with your family on other days.
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