A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:I received a phone call off my son's PE teacher yesterday about his behaviour.My son is 15 years old.The PE teacher told me he and a gang of two other boys stripped a fat boy to his underwear and pushed him into the mud, then walked away laughing.He also told me he'd seen my son making fun of fat people and heard him saying offensive things about fat people e.g. "Fat people stink" etc.My son was also banned from the local hospital after shouting abusive things at obese people (with 3 friends of his).I've tried everything to stop this: cutting off his pocket money, taking away his computer games, stopping his favourite food (ice-cream) but he still insists on making crude and offensive jokes about obese people.what have i done wrong?? i spend time with my son, i give him attention. i thought i was a good father, but im obviously not, according to my son.where do i go from here next?? please help
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male
reader, home_land  +, writes (25 March 2007):
 hello i think in this age he feels cool and want to do something and he is doing that becouse he got nouthing better to do if you can take him away to te wood show him new things nature talk about it with him aske him and let him answer if he can what you can do is to creat a space of time for your child becouse hi is trying to atract your atintion so please if you have kids make time for them so they wont make fun of fat people and i think you can make it better ,you and you only who can do thatand good luck
A
female
reader, aunt wendy +, writes (24 March 2007):
well i feel sorry for the poor lad that they did this awful thing to and of course the other people they have called,they need to think how badly they are making these people feel,and also you hear such awful stories of how the people being bullied have tried to commit suicide,some of which have sucseeded because of the bullying and im sure your son and his friends dont want this on their concience, it has to stop now before it is too late,tell him that just because people have a bit of weight on them it dusnt change who they are on the inside and maybe get him some counselling.
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A
female
reader, Lemonpixie  +, writes (24 March 2007):
 So far you have done well. However a 15 year old kid is rarely going to listen. Like livi said he's going to make un of someone who is going to react. Hopefully your son will be pushed in the mud right back. And maybe if you have any portly relatives or friends maybe have them be around more often and maybe he can learn to respect people regardless of size and shape. He's a teenager and he's rebelling because he's just really testing the waters and trying to find his place in the adult world... it's scary becoming an adult and he's insecure so he's lashing out at people he thinks can't defend themselves. Don't confront him ready for an argument... and do not just impart wisdom, because most likely it will be in one ear and out the other, but do ask questions that lead him to wisdom...so he can find it himself. Thats what growing up is all about. And most importantly he is a young adult not a large child. So some of the threats that worked a few years ago like taking away TV or what not aren't as effective as before. It's hard dealing with Teens. I worked in a clinic for 3 years working with troubled teens and the fact is everyone has empathy sometimes it's just a little hidden. And with a little guidance Im sure he will find his. Also lead by example maybe if your watching TV or looking at a magazine if there is an actress on there who is a little overweight maybe say wow isnt she gorgeous it may help him see people in a different light.
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A
male
reader, DreamMaster  +, writes (24 March 2007):
 Yeah, to be honest – it sounds like you have done everything right – take away his luxuries, give him attention, and you are obviously a very conscientious person, and your son will have those qualities in him (perhaps yet to flourish)
I think part of the issue may be that you have brought your son up to have such energy, and confidence in himself, that he now looks down on others who aren’t at that level,
The issue is of course – he is stepping over the line when he strips some poor fat guy down to his underwear,
Boys will be boys – and sometimes you can do everything right yourself and they will still go out and have to learn their own ways. Some people have to learn the hard way. We have all done it. And I don’t think anyone can complain when they learn something from it.
So you can absolve yourself of blame – you can be glad that your kid has such confidence and energy.
Just tell him you are disappointed that he has to be quite so abusive, ask him to tone it down a little – hell, even crack a sly joke about fat people to make him feel you are on his side – but just ask him to tone it down if he wont stop.
My advice is to be on his side as much as you can – or he is at an age where he will rebel against you too.
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A
female
reader, livi +, writes (24 March 2007):
 hey there,
you are not a bad father! kids just have to show their rebelion in their youth, when else do they get the oportunity to break the rules. Never doubt your brillance!
your kid, especially being a boy, will feel they need to intimidate memebers of the same sex and age.
Take your mind back to when you were his age, i'm sure you were the same.
Instead of forcing your son to change his mind, alow him to make his own mistakes. he is bound to screw up, he'll insult someone of a podgey size and then they will hear, it will then be your son who has to deal with the consequences.
LEt your son know that you do not encouraging this behavor and then do not continue the subject, he will learn soon enough.
Good luk with it all :D
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