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female
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anonymous
writes: my son called off his wedding 15months ago after being with his girlfriend for 10 years. A case of cold feet I think.He realised soon afterwards that he had made a mistake but she wouldn't have him back and she is now getting married to someone else in three weeks time.She was like a daughter to me and I would like to pass on my good wishes but I don't know what to say.Ideally I would like to tell her how I am still deeply upset at the split but I know that she won't be concerned about that as she has clearly moved on.Please let me know your thoughts on this.
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male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (19 October 2006):
 I would not send her anyhing at all. Your son made his choice. She has moved on. She and her new husband deserve to build their lives with out you throwing her past in the way. She WAS like a daughter to you. Leave her alone. When I get married, I do not want the families of my ex's to contact me, nor do I wish that for the woman I am marrying. It is her day. Your son had his chance. Leave her and her husband be.
Even the nicest message you send, will still be a blemish on an otherwise spectacular day. It is about RESPECT.
-Frank B Kermit
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2006): i agree with stina... wish her and her husband all the best.. don't bring up the past. the focus is on her and her husband's future.. NOT you, not your son, not what could have been, not her and your son, not her and you..it's all about HER and the husband-to-be ...i had experienced this and my ex bf mother and sisters call me and send me gifts on special occasions.. i thank them for it but believe me, i and my husband do not appreciate that at all. the calls and gifts stopped when i do not answer or return calls and have actually sent the gifts back marked return to sender...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2006): write her a letter..or send her a card..tell her that she will always be like a daughter to u..and ull be there if she needs anything in the future..and maybe write sumthing like 'if the circumstances were different'...just hint it a little..n tell her to get in touch with u. best of luck! freind x (i wish my boyfreinds mum was nice like u:)
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A
female
reader, stina  +, writes (18 October 2006):
 Hi Anon,
I wouldn't bring up the past at all. Just wish her luck in the future. I think the last thing she would really want to hear is something about her ex when you're wishing her a good life with her to-be husband. You even said that "she won't be concerned" about it. Focus on *her* and the now rather than how *you* are upset. Otherwise, it's probably not going to sound sincere. At least that's my view of it.
Take care.
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A
male
reader, David Lewis  +, writes (18 October 2006):
 I think you are a lovely person for thinking this way.
Just send her a note, saying that although you wish things could have been different, you are happy she has finally found happiness and you wish them both all the luck in the world. Tell her she deserves to be happy.
Best of luck x
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