A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My new girlfriend is very smart and she has been creating issues out of small things and bringing things we have discussed in the past back into it. I feel like she is sabotaging us. I have a child to a previous relationship and i have good communication and understanding with my child's mother. My new girlfriend ( 3 Months ) is forcing me to cease communication unless it involves my child. She is also getting cranky if i mention my child's mother in conversation, even if its conversation involving my family. I have asked her why she continues to bring up problems and she say's she feels like she is of less value and other things. And that she needs to iron out the creases in the relationship before it gets worse for her. I feel like she is very hypocritical she say's things which i feel are worse. I want to know if i should give in. I have told her that my child is my number one priority and she agrees but i think she is trying to go through the back door to change this. Should i continue? Is there a way to beat her at her own game? I have problems articulating myself ( I am intelligent just not great with words ) especially after i have been worked up a bit. our discussions are very civil and seem to be resolved with an adult conversation. I just feel like i am being lectured and its all one sided. HELP PLEASE. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (23 May 2011):
 You have been with a 3 months and she already try to dictate your life?
I'm sorry, but you child should come first. SHE ought to be OK with you being civil to your ex (baby mama).
She seems very immature, insecure, distrustful and jealous. I don't think she will "change" at all. It's her way or the highway.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2011): You try dating a girl with a child from an ex! Believe me it is not easy. Would you like to hear his name mentioned in conversation. Most guys don't. The ex is in the past and when you have a child the past is always there.....I didn't realise how difficult this was for my ex boyfriends until my child grew up and I dated a guy with a family and an ex. Now I have a lot more understanding for either girls or guys who are going through this.Communication is the only way forwards. Maybe she is feeling like she is not number one in your life and that your ex is muscling in. You need to learn to be very tactful and just keep it to your child in conversation until your relationship is more established. Explain to your girlfriend that you want things to work and how much she means to you, emphasize that rather than the fact your ex is always going to be on the scene, it might help.
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A
female
reader, Orbiter  +, writes (23 May 2011):
Use your own judgment. I can't tell you if your girlfriend is being sneaky and playing games or just voicing how she feels. You 'feeling' that she is being hypocritical is not certain if you can't give a solid example.You say you're intelligent but not great with words, so make up in your own mind what you believe is best for your child and what compromises can be made that won't affect that, BEFORE you discuss it with your gf. Then you explain to your gf what your decisions are and why you made them. Say you're not willing to debate it (and stick to that) and tell her if she won't accept it she's free to leave.If you think the relationship is worth working for try that. However I will say that from what you've written about her feelings towards your ex and child I would guess she's very insecure and controlling. If it's only been 3 months and you're already having this many problems, I'd consider ending it.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2011): She seems jalouse, and looks like she's got a hold on you. Why did you make a girl like this your girlfriend in the first place? Do you find behaviour like this attracting?!
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